Too old and past it, how did you deal with it?

[Orangeshairs]

I’m late 30s, 37 next year. I’ve tried all my life to find a long term happy relationship. I’ve had a couple of long term things but they ended years ago now. For the last few years I’ve been in various relationships, if you could even call them that, more like year long things that don’t go anywhere.

I’ve taken time out of dating. I’ve had therapy. I’ve tried to look for dates outside of online dating. I’ve travelled. I’ve stayed put. I’ve tried to ignore it all. I’ve dated furiously and seriously. I’ve been causal about it.

I’ve got to the point where I feel I need to accept my life for what it is. There’s some good. I have money. I have a career. I have friends. My family arent perfect and we could be closer but they are there too I guess. I’m slim, not an oil painting but not unattractive. I have interests. I want to be ok with a life alone, mostly because I am absolutely sick and tired of dragging myself out to meet people, trying to have faith and build something, for it all to come crashing down again months later. I just can’t do it. I would love a relationship more than anything but getting to that point now seems more heartache and trouble than it’s worth.

I’ve cried, I’ve been angry, I’ve been bitter, I’ve been so low I’ve wanted to just disappear. And now all I want is to accept that this is life for me and I potentially have a lot of time like this to come. How do I find true happiness with this, true acceptance?

My hopes for a happy family life are now gone. I genuinely can’t face having my hopes dashed again. I just want to be ok with a future like this. How?

Mindfulness. And have a bloody good life. Do the things you want to do. It gets better. And better, and better, the more you get into it.

37
That is not old
Come back when you are double that age

You're 37!

37 is young enough these days. Never give up and you will meet your True Soulmate soon.

My friend's younger sister is 36. She is in the same position. She limits herself in Ukraine looking only for a man who practices Jehova's Witness religion.

Why did all your long and shorter relations break? Just to analyze what happened and possibly learn from that experience and to build a happy future.

Who exactly are you looking for - a husband or a partner?

Which county do you live in if it the UK? Maybe someone is looking for someone like you nearby.

It’s old and past it to have the engagement, wedding, home, family.

Maybe I’d have one or two of those later on but not it all.

There is so much that needs to be done, ways to contribute, people and organizations that need help. Your mere presence in the world has value, but you can add to that by helping others, helping animals, helping the environment. Anything - you are obviously bright and well-situated - and young. You have importance as a single person. Don't throw your life away - or think it's "less than" or believe you are just marking time - because you don't have a partner.

Not necessarily too old, don’t write it off completely yet. I met my husband at 37 and have 2 kids

You are 36?! Prime of your life! You might never get a wedding, but that’s just one day out of your whole life. If you want a family and you don’t meet anyone you can still have one. And who gives a stuff about engagement these days? Try to be less conventional and have as much fun as possible

@Namechangedforspooky I’ve had that hope for so long that it’s vanished now. I used to believe it was possible. The reality is that it’s unlikely for me now, I’ve tried for many years and it hasn’t happened.

@IfNot it’s not about being conventional really, I guess I have just always wanted to be settled down. I probably made mistakes with good men when I was younger and let them go

And I’m 37 early next year so practically 37

I had my first child at 38 ...

@Prokupatuscrakedatus I know that can happen but I’m single about to turn 37. It would be impossible for me under those circumstances. I haven’t even met anyone.

For me personally, astrology matters in my life 70%.

What is your star sign and I'll tell you who to look for and which star sign you are more likely compatible with?

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

There is so much that needs to be done, ways to contribute, people and organizations that need help. Your mere presence in the world has value, but you can add to that by helping others, helping animals, helping the environment. Anything - you are obviously bright and well-situated - and young. You have importance as a single person. Don't throw your life away - or think it's "less than" or believe you are just marking time - because you don't have a partner.

Omg yes so much this too. Worth us all remembering it no matter what age.

Would you consider having a child on your own?

for you x

Sounds like you in a rough place. If it's any help, to put a different spin on things, I'm the same age as you, just divorced after 13 years of marriage, we couldn't have children naturally and the ivf tries failed.

What I am trying to say in a round about way, is that life really does happen while you're busy making plans.
A year ago I had what you want, and here I am 12 months on, back in the position I was when I was 22 (bar being more financially secure now.)

Have you thought that perhaps you are depressed, I have found anti-depressants an absolute life saver (started them years before the marriage breakdown)...

Anyway, sorry if this is a bit useless

Fgs. I knew when I opened this that you would be mid thirties. I understand you are genuinely feeling down but what you are saying about being past it is insulting to anyone who is the same age or older than you. It is perfectly possible to get engaged and married into your 40's, 50's and beyond. People have children well into their 40's and it is possible to do this alone if this is what you really want. I think you need to prioritise what is most important to you - the relationship, the baby or something else and then work towards that. If its the relationship then join lots of dating sites. Treat it like a job, go on multiple dates a month. Get your friends on board - could they select someone on dating sites that you wouldn't necessarily choose for yourself. Do they know of anyone lovely?

I know someone like this OP. It is honestly down to her personality. Not saying you are the same, or indeed that your personality is the issue

Reframe your position.
I'm single (well casual dating) now after being married for twenty years.
It's so much better being single than being in a fairly unloving relationship.
Have a look around you at people, properly look.
The happy couple - probably newly dating
The miserable silent couple - probably married
The happy family of four - look hard it's very rare
The family of four - at least one of the adults, if not both, would rather be somewhere else other than enduring that picnic or whatever they're doing.

The grass is always greener; and the reality is, it rarely is.

You've got to realise that a relationship is really really not the be all and end all.

@Orangeshairs

It’s old and past it to have the engagement, wedding, home, family.

Maybe I’d have one or two of those later on but not it all.

You still have about 5 years to conceive naturally if you find the right man.

You can always have an engagement and wedding at any age if you both want it.

Gosh 37. I thought you were going to say you were late 60s or something! You are nowhere near old or past it .(Never sure what that means anyway,past what exactly?) Anyway You are slim and healthy ,and with a whole life ahead of you . You may meet someone maybe not ,either way start to live life .Many people are in crap situations and would envy your freedom .My cousin was 44 when she got married!

Some people can conceive a baby before menopause which often can start in the late 40s - early 50s but the earlier the more chances for it to happen and for a healthier baby.

My friend got married at 38 and had a healthy baby boy at 39 2 years ago.

You need and must live your best life. What that is I don't know for you but for me it would have been: literature, a book club, galleries, theatre, friends of the V&A, advanced cookery classes, joining a political party - possibly becoming a local Councillor, and in my latter years my church and homeless charity. And my career.

If you do that and never meet the right man you will have a good life full of interests and friends. If you do potentially meet the right man you will have something meaningful to talk about.

At 28 I left a bad relationship and determined never, ever to rely on a man again and live my own life. Read a book a week, joined a political party, enrolled in bridge classes and started having a wonderful time. Funnily enough a fling took me to a ball where I met DH and we both knew. He was with a long term gf with whom he finished within weeks and before phoning me. 32 years ago now! Never say never but do live your best life and forget about men and then you can have no regrets and might just be more attractive to one if he washes up on your shore.

Ok, I hear you. You are drained from trying and trying and want to find acceptance so you can start on a new phase of your life.

My circumstances are different but in a very similar place. If I am honest I don't know how to let go of the hope and feeling of need for what I want. And my life circumstances are more constrained than yours.

I guess all you can do is look at you life searching as one chapter of your life and resolve that now you are starting a new chapter. Look at the strengths you have in your current life (loads by the sounds of it) and look for what newness you can pursue that will give you meaning and satisfaction in building this new phase of your life.