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Original poster

Withdrawal method

109 replies

ClaireF992 · 03/11/2021 12:38

My husband and I have been using the withdrawal method since my son was born a few years ago, I had a condition during pregnancy which means I can't use hormonal contraception. I spoke to my husband about getting the copper coil but he said why when this is working for us. I know the risks but I would be happy to fall pregnant by accident. He doesn't want anymore children and for this reason he is VERY careful (pulls out with plenty of minutes to spare). We last had sex around 2 weeks ago during my fertile window, once in the afternoon and then again in the early hours. About 5 days later I got really bad cramps in the evening and I thought I was coming on my period early, but it never came. Now i'm on either tomorrow or Friday but I have somehow convinced myself the cramps were implantation pains and I'm pregnant! Realistically how likely do you think this is? We have had sex in my fertile window before and never had a problem.

OP posts:
ratussbaguss · 03/11/2021 22:57

Can I ask a question for those of you saying they got pregnant while using the withdrawal method?

Was the pregnancy from the pre-cum? Or did your partner not pull out in time? Or how else do you explain it?

Genuine questions, I want to understand so I don't get caught out!

MissCruellaDeVil · 03/11/2021 23:02

Most teenage pregnancies are proof it doesn't work!

mswales · 03/11/2021 23:02

@JudgementalCactus
"Aaaand with common use 1 in 5 women will end up pregnant over a year of use. How can you read that and go "yeah, as good a birth control method as any I guess"?"

I didn't say that. I said it's similar to condom effectiveness, which it is. About 1 in 5 women will end up pregnant with common use of condoms within a year too. Weird to attack my post when I was just citing facts - the same ones that you did!

BFrazzled · 03/11/2021 23:09

@ratussbaguss

Can I ask a question for those of you saying they got pregnant while using the withdrawal method?

Was the pregnancy from the pre-cum? Or did your partner not pull out in time? Or how else do you explain it?

Genuine questions, I want to understand so I don't get caught out!

I guarantee that it happens from not pulling out in time, unless you believe in immaculate conception - if the penis is pulled out, there is no sperm in your vagina and so you cannot get pregnant…pre-cum simply does not contain viable sperm in amounts that are likely to lead to conception.

If anything sex post vasectomy is probably more likely to lead to pregnancy than pulling out since vasectomy is not always done perfectly.

Viviennemary · 03/11/2021 23:10

Its quite likely statistically I would say that this would eventually happen using this method of having sex. I wouldn't even call it a method of birth control as it isn't really.

TheGirlCat · 03/11/2021 23:22

@OnceUponAThread It's only 78% effective.
^How effective is it?
Even with perfect use, the pull out method isn’t 100 percent effective.

In fact, 22 percent #Source of people using the pull out method become pregnant.

This isn’t because the pull out method doesn’t work, but because it can be difficult to control various factors involved.^

www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/unintendedpregnancy/pdf/contraceptive_methods_508.pdf

TheGirlCat · 03/11/2021 23:28

[quote mswales]@JudgementalCactus
"Aaaand with common use 1 in 5 women will end up pregnant over a year of use. How can you read that and go "yeah, as good a birth control method as any I guess"?"

I didn't say that. I said it's similar to condom effectiveness, which it is. About 1 in 5 women will end up pregnant with common use of condoms within a year too. Weird to attack my post when I was just citing facts - the same ones that you did![/quote]
@mswales No it is not similar to condom effectiveness at all. Condom effectiveness is 96%.

Withdrawal is 80% per the 1 in 5 example.

OnceUponAThread · 03/11/2021 23:44

[quote TheGirlCat]@OnceUponAThread It's only 78% effective.
^How effective is it?
Even with perfect use, the pull out method isn’t 100 percent effective.

In fact, 22 percent #Source of people using the pull out method become pregnant.

This isn’t because the pull out method doesn’t work, but because it can be difficult to control various factors involved.^

www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/unintendedpregnancy/pdf/contraceptive_methods_508.pdf[/quote]

All the stats I'm seeing suggest 96% (98 was a typo, apologies) when used effectively. If combined with tracking cycles even higher.

In any case, I agreed that it is bananas method for a couple where one person is dead set against kids and would be devastated if there was a pregnancy. In that situation I'd be suggesting a vasectomy for starters. And if not possibly doubling up on protections.

However, I have also found that pulling out has worked spectacularly well for me for 7 or so years now, without a single scare. And I don't believe that's a fertility thing, as since TTC I have fallen pregnant every single time I've had sex on my ovulation day. So 100% success. (I've had MCs thereafter, but that's a different story).

Which suggests to me that 1) I am extremely capable of falling pregnant and 2) pulling out has actually worked for me.

But again, to contextualise, we were always planning to TTC so we were happy to take the risk that we might get started slightly earlier than planned.

And - to reiterate. When we are done and do not want children I absolutely won't be taking the risk. DH is planning a vasectomy.

user174793992 · 03/11/2021 23:47

Yes, definitely possible, please get a test!

TableFlowerss · 03/11/2021 23:54

He sounds like a right controlling side.

No you can’t get the coil

I won’t wear a condom

I don’t get the snip

I don’t want to have a baby

I know… I’ll just pull out 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

TableFlowerss · 03/11/2021 23:54

sod

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/11/2021 23:54

12 years use with normal fertility, two pregnancies both of which where planned, no other "scares".

Do it right and yes it can be very effective.

However, it has failure rates, as does every other method so if you are/get PG then he has no right at all to kick off about it.

PrinnyPree · 04/11/2021 00:21

We should really stop referring to "the pull out method" as a form of birth control. It's more a "marginal lowering of the chance of getting pregnant method'. Seriously he should really get the snip if he doesn't want anymore children.

The only reason I would use the pull out method would be if I didn't want to get pregnant any time soon but we would both be happy if I did.

Regularsizedrudy · 04/11/2021 00:42

If your stupid husband doesn’t want a baby he needs to take responsibility and use condoms. He will be devastated? What did he expect would happen?

Naunet · 04/11/2021 08:09

Is he likely to push for an abortion if you are? That would honestly make me furious.

FrancescaContini · 04/11/2021 08:11

You’re playing with fire - this isn’t a method of contraception.

So he uses the method that suits him and tells you what you can and can’t do?? It’s all about him.

Yogawankonobi · 04/11/2021 08:12

If he doesn’t want a baby he needs to wear contraception. Simple.

Yogawankonobi · 04/11/2021 08:12

Withdrawal method = unprotected sex.

mswales · 04/11/2021 09:26

@TheGirlCat
"@mswales No it is not similar to condom effectiveness at all. Condom effectiveness is 96%.

Withdrawal is 80% per the 1 in 5 example."

Sorry but it absolutely is. See the studies various people have posted. With perfect use withdrawal is 96% effective, in reality it's 78% effective. With perfect use condoms are 98% effective, with normal use they are 83% effective. Very similar.

FinallyFluid · 04/11/2021 09:37

No glove, no love. Simples

Gin4thewin4 · 04/11/2021 09:46

It's your body.... why don't you just get the coil in? You dont need to tell him considering he doesn't want a baby anyway, so it really doesn't effect him.... Confused

Also, sex in the afternoon AND early hours? Intrigued to know how you get the time and energy with a child about.

JudgementalCactus · 04/11/2021 11:05

@Gin4thewin4

It's your body.... why don't you just get the coil in? You dont need to tell him considering he doesn't want a baby anyway, so it really doesn't effect him.... Confused

Also, sex in the afternoon AND early hours? Intrigued to know how you get the time and energy with a child about.

OP admits she would be happy about an accidental baby. So that answers the coil question
starfishmummy · 04/11/2021 11:14

If more children aren't on the cards and your dh would "be devastated" if you became pregnant then you need to do something about it.

I don't understand why you let him talk you out of a coil. Assuming you are not pregnant this time, in your shoes I would be arranging a coil ASAP or maybe he could have a vasectomy. In the meantime he uses condoms or no more sex...

Bluebells34 · 04/11/2021 11:26

Just consider the consequences if you were to become pregnant and your husband did not want another child - an abortion virsus contraception .....its a no brainer

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/11/2021 11:27

@Bluebells34

Just consider the consequences if you were to become pregnant and your husband did not want another child - an abortion virsus contraception .....its a no brainer
Eh? She wouldn't have to have an abortion if she got pregnant and didn't want to terminate.