Withdrawal method

[ClaireF992]

My husband and I have been using the withdrawal method since my son was born a few years ago, I had a condition during pregnancy which means I can't use hormonal contraception. I spoke to my husband about getting the copper coil but he said why when this is working for us. I know the risks but I would be happy to fall pregnant by accident. He doesn't want anymore children and for this reason he is VERY careful (pulls out with plenty of minutes to spare). We last had sex around 2 weeks ago during my fertile window, once in the afternoon and then again in the early hours. About 5 days later I got really bad cramps in the evening and I thought I was coming on my period early, but it never came. Now i'm on either tomorrow or Friday but I have somehow convinced myself the cramps were implantation pains and I'm pregnant! Realistically how likely do you think this is? We have had sex in my fertile window before and never had a problem.

@PigeonPigPie

My husband and I use natural family planning and don't have sex in my fertile window. Maybe try that going forward (with proper teaching and tracking)?

That's barely any safer really. Still playing russian roulette.

I had a hormone free coil for 8 years and it was good.

We had it so drilled into us at school that the withdrawl method was completely unreliable, that I've never dreamt of using it. Don't know if it's more popular these days.

It is an issue that you're not on the same page when it comes to having further children.

I suppose as he's the one that doesn't want children, he's the one that should take measures for contraception.

I’ve got pregnant twice like this and it was not good.

if he is sooo determined he doesn't want a child, convince him to have a vasectomy. I mean, the withdrawal method can't be that enjoyable for him, at the point of climax the urge is to go DEEPER, (reproductive instinct; it means the sperm is closer to the cervix and has less distance to swim, so it's a hard-wired reproductive driving instinct to go in as far/deep as possible at the moment of ejaculation) no withdraw. So sex would surely be more pleasurable to him to no have to withdraw.

You also say he withdraws with "plenty of MINUTES to spare". If you didn't seconds, which is the normal practice, you are saying you have half sex and he half masturbates til he comes? Doesn't sound like you're having much 'sex' to me, sounds like he penetrates you but mainly gets himself off if he has 'minutes' masturbating.

Both cases, withdrawing which goes against the male instinct, and him not having actual full sex with you sound miserable and I couldn't have that for a sex life, I would be absolutely miserable. It's like not having sex at all, I need the full actual experience for fulfilling sex, and you're not really even having sex.

*no withdraw. So sex would surely be more pleasurable to him to no have to withdraw.

no in both sentences should be not. Not withdraw. So sex would surely be more pleasurable to him to not have to withdraw.

Well if he'd be so devastated about another child then maybe he should wear condoms?? You've suggested copper coil. He might be upset but he can't feign ignorance really.

Unless he thinks withdrawal method actually works then I think I'd just be concerned that my H was very dim

Apparently my parents used it their whole life and it worked perfectly. I was not so lucky, I am afraid, so I would say, make him wear a condom or use IUD.

@Bluebells34

It would make me anxious every time I had sex and as others have said it is not a reliable form of contraception - more like russian roulette!

You've just reminded me - we used to call it "Vatican Roulette"

(Which is no help to the OP - sorry)

God - don't ever have sex during your fertile window with the withdrawal method!!!

I wonder if the reason why your husband doesn't want you on the coil is because part of the appeal for him is the basic instinct of having sex with a woman who is fertile and not on any birth control.

Whatever you choose to do, just don't tell him. He doesn't need to know, he can carry on being thrilled thinking he's having sex with a fertile woman, and you'll be able to feel a bit more secure in that it will help prevent a pregnancy.

Although, if he really doesn't want another baby, he should be using a condom as well.

Withdrawal is very risky. Surely a vasectomy would be sensible & means he can take ownership of contraception?

Your husband is stupid using that method if he doesn't want anymore children. There is quite a high chance you are pregnant.
I have recently got pregnant using a condom somehow! And it was just before my fertile window according to my app. Only had sex the once during those few weeks as was busy then I came down with an awful cold. So pretty annoyed / upset about it as now getting a termination.

I am pretty fertile and withdrawal has always worked. That said I wouldn't actively recommend it as a method of of contraception. Why doesn't your husband wear a condom?

We used this method once (usually use condoms but realised we had run out) and my DS is now nearly 2. It did not work but we knew it was a risk. Saying that I had the coil when i got pregnant with DD and we definitely weren't expecting that!

Just have sex standing up OP you don't get pregnant like that either

I don’t think it means your pregnant, put bodies can change, I’ve stared to get painful periods and also I now know when I’m ovulating (which is pointless now as I’ve had my kids and don’t want anymore!) whereas before it was completely differnt.

It could just be your body changing.

Our bodies can change*

Withdrawal has worked for me as a method. Had been using it for several years with DH, not a sniff of a pregnancy.

Once we were TTC, we had sex on my ovulation days twice (ever) and both times I got pregnant. Instantly.

That to me suggests that it does work for us. But, we both knew we wanted a child at some point, so it wouldn't have been the end of the world if it hadn't worked and I'd fallen pregnant early than we'd planned.

Once we are done having kids (assuming I can actually carry to term), we won't be relying on that method anymore.

Even though it's worked flawlessly, I don't trust it enough in a situation where someone actively doesn't want kids. Too risky.

Will be either a vasectomy or condoms for us then.

The withdrawal method doesn’t work.
If it’s worked for you you are either incredibly lucky or one of you may have fertility issues which makes it more difficult to conceive.

As a man I’d hate this - having to pull out at the best part. Why doesn’t he wear a condom or even have a vasectomy if he really doesn’t want children.

Have you had a conversation about what would happen if you got pregnant?
Would he want you to get an abortion? What would happen if you didn’t?

It sounds like you want another child and yours hoping you are pregnant but that could mean the end of your relationship.

@WonderfulYou

The withdrawal method doesn’t work. If it’s worked for you you are either incredibly lucky or one of you may have fertility issues which makes it more difficult to conceive.

As PP has have linked - 98% success rate when done correctly. That suggests for an awful lot of people it does work. It's not the most effective method, but only 2% less than condoms.

More importantly - what an awful thing to say to tell someone they probably have fertility issues. Genuinely horrendous. When someone uses condoms successfully, you wouldn't suggest they were infertile because they're not one of the 2%. Horrendous.

My middle child only exists because of the withdrawal method. Take a test!

It has worked for us so far partly because he likes to finish on my boobs so exits in plenty of time. However it is not guaranteed effective.

Worked for me for 5 years. Even during fertile window 🤷🏻‍♀️ TTC in September and fell pregnant straight away so if done properly and strictly I guess it can work, but with a higher failure rate than other forms of contraception