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Original poster

Would you dump for this? Honestly?

90 replies

EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 20:51

This is probably going to sound a bit petty.

I went to a Halloween party with my boyfriend of a year at the weekend.

I got ready and came down stairs and he said absolutely nothing about my costume or how I looked. What he said was "there you are. Can you do my make up now?"

This is just the latest in a catalogue of things that make me feel undervalued, unappreciated and a bit shit. It didn't help that when we got to the party everyone was telling each other how good they looked and he still managed to say nothing to me. The only thing he said about the whole thing was to thank me for doing his make up.

OP posts:
dudsville · 02/11/2021 20:54

I guess it sounds a little self centered?

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 20:55

Me or him?

OP posts:
onlymyselftoanswerto1 · 02/11/2021 20:57

You can dump someone for any reason you like and you don't even have to have a reason.... but in answer to your question, Halloween may just be the straw that broke the camels back, I think I'd be thinking seriously about whether I wanted to feel how you do for any longer. Life is too short to be miserable, I'd probably get rid of him

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 20:58

I started to make a mental list of everyone who was nicer to me this weekend that he was.

The only people who weren't were people I didn't actually speak to.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 02/11/2021 20:58

I wouldn’t dump for that, no. Isn’t thanking you a way of appreciation? I guess I am thinking there is more to this than you are saying that is making you feel bad about yourself when around him. You don’t need a justification of him not being good or nice enough to dump him. If you feel shit around him even if he is a perfect Prince Charming, then you’re just not compatible and you should end the relationship and move on.

Jasmine00 · 02/11/2021 20:59

Wouldn't dump someone for just that situation, no, but if he's repeatedly making you feel undervalued etc then yes I would

Bookworm20 · 02/11/2021 20:59

On its own, yes probably he just sounds a bit self centred. But you said there’s more, so I think if this is habitual behaviour then I don’t think you’re petty for considering getting rid of him. Not because he didn’t tell you you looked nice. But because it either obviously didn’t even occur to him to consider saying that or he simply knew and choose not to.

dudsville · 02/11/2021 21:01

Sorry op, I was referring to his behavior. I feel I can't take a position further on whether to end it or not.

Solderingon · 02/11/2021 21:02

If everyone else you saw this weekend was nicer to you, then absolutely yes!

ANameChangeAgain · 02/11/2021 21:02

It isn't really about the Halloween costume, is it. In your second post you said you counted everyone who was nicer to you than he was. It all sounds a bit joyless and life is too short for that.

housemdwaswrong · 02/11/2021 21:02

No, I wouldn't. But then I would dump somebody that dresses up for Halloween...my point being It's different for everyone, and you don't need others to justify it. You don't seem happy, and if this is important to you, then it is. Sorry you're feeling like this. :/

TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 21:02

Break up with him for not complimenting you? No but then my ex never use to compliment me either so

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:03

I guess I am thinking there is more to this than you are saying that is making you feel bad about yourself when around him.

Yes.

On Sunday, I slipped off the kerb and aggravated an existing back injury. He snapped at me because I'd embarrassed him by looking stupid in front of my friends. I just said "or ypu could ask if I were ok" but he'd forgotten about my back.

I've been on prescription painkillers for it for months.

But because it either obviously didn’t even occur to him to consider saying that or he simply knew and choose not to.

Yes. I don't know which it was but they are as bad as each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:04

@ANameChangeAgain

It isn't really about the Halloween costume, is it. In your second post you said you counted everyone who was nicer to you than he was. It all sounds a bit joyless and life is too short for that.
Yes.
OP posts:
Clymene · 02/11/2021 21:04

He doesn't love you or care about you. Dump him.

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:05

No, it's not about the Halloween costume.

It's that hebeither didn't think anything nice about me that he could say. Or he did think something nice but chose not to say it.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:05

@Clymene

He doesn't love you or care about you. Dump him.
No. He doesn't. I think I've suspected this but he proved it this weekend.
OP posts:
WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 02/11/2021 21:06

Not for that singular comment, no I wouldn't dump. But he's obviously not making you happy so for that reason I'd dump

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/11/2021 21:08

Sounds like death by a thousand paper cuts. Each thing by itself adds up to a picture of him not really caring about you.

givenuponlove99 · 02/11/2021 21:09

This behaviour won’t improve. I’ve just dumped a guy who never complimented or made me feel good. Your partner should build you up, not drag you down.

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:11

@PlanDeRaccordement

Sounds like death by a thousand paper cuts. Each thing by itself adds up to a picture of him not really caring about you.
Yes. That's exactly how I feel it is.
OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 02/11/2021 21:21

I'm not saying I would dump on this incident alone, but if it was just a highlighting example of how thoughtless he is and makes you feel a bit blue then it is reason enough to dump him.
You actually need no reason at all.

There's no point wasting time, if he's already like this so early on in a relationship it doesn't bode well.

Opentooffers · 02/11/2021 21:23

I've dated someone who never gave compliments, the flip side was no insults either, but it's a bit flat. I think maybe some men get off on you thinking they are attractive, but beyond thinking whether you're ok enough to be seen out in public with them, they aren't bothered, and don't get that at least on a basic level, it's good manners to recognise when extra effort is put in. It's boring " you look nice"-hint ( silence). Been there, thought if this is it, then you are numb and rude to those around you. I don't take it personally, it's a him failure, but if it's combined with them wanting attention, who can be bothered.

HumphreyCobblers · 02/11/2021 21:28

The correct response when your girlfriend falls over is to worry that she is ok, previous bad back or not. Not to snap because you embarrassed him ffs. He sounds awful.

The Halloween thing would have annoyed me too.

Find a nicer bloke! You deserve a nice one.

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:30

Yes it is combined with wanting compliments and recognition himself and there are insults. Not so much insults but little comments.

OP posts: