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Original poster

Would you dump for this? Honestly?

90 replies

EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 20:51

This is probably going to sound a bit petty.

I went to a Halloween party with my boyfriend of a year at the weekend.

I got ready and came down stairs and he said absolutely nothing about my costume or how I looked. What he said was "there you are. Can you do my make up now?"

This is just the latest in a catalogue of things that make me feel undervalued, unappreciated and a bit shit. It didn't help that when we got to the party everyone was telling each other how good they looked and he still managed to say nothing to me. The only thing he said about the whole thing was to thank me for doing his make up.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 21:32

@Opentooffers

I've dated someone who never gave compliments, the flip side was no insults either, but it's a bit flat. I think maybe some men get off on you thinking they are attractive, but beyond thinking whether you're ok enough to be seen out in public with them, they aren't bothered, and don't get that at least on a basic level, it's good manners to recognise when extra effort is put in. It's boring " you look nice"-hint ( silence). Been there, thought if this is it, then you are numb and rude to those around you. I don't take it personally, it's a him failure, but if it's combined with them wanting attention, who can be bothered.
I actually think he gets off on not saying anything nice to me at times when it would be considered normal.
OP posts:
shakingmytambourineatyou · 02/11/2021 21:41

You don't need to have a good reason to dump someone if you're not tied by children/finances etc. If you don't feel happy then just do it. If you are worried whether you are doing the right thing then how he reacts or behaves to try to get you back will answer that. X

chayago · 02/11/2021 21:48

@EmptyPizzaBox

I guess I am thinking there is more to this than you are saying that is making you feel bad about yourself when around him.

Yes.

On Sunday, I slipped off the kerb and aggravated an existing back injury. He snapped at me because I'd embarrassed him by looking stupid in front of my friends. I just said "or ypu could ask if I were ok" but he'd forgotten about my back.

I've been on prescription painkillers for it for months.

But because it either obviously didn’t even occur to him to consider saying that or he simply knew and choose not to.

Yes. I don't know which it was but they are as bad as each other.

What on the freaking earth??

Bye bye 👋 Next

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 22:07

Sorry it was his friends I slipped off the kerb in front of. I'd embarrassed him by looking stupid in front of his friends not mine.

He's very bothered by what other people think. I once picked the wrong drinks up off the bar. They were actually the same as the drinks we'd ordered but we're for another customer. When the barman told me he laughed awkwardly and said "Well that wasn't embarrassing at all was it?" Well no. I wasn't embarrassed. It was nothing in the grand scheme of things.

He said one of my friends looked 'very striking' on Saturday but still didn't even say I looked nice.

OP posts:
SpookyPumpkinPants · 02/11/2021 22:10

A year seems like ages when it's all new, but it's a blink in your lifetime!

Why would you not get rid of someone so inconsiderate who makes you feel unloved & bad about yourself?!

chayago · 02/11/2021 22:11

OP, what are you doing with this loser?
He knows full well what he’s doing and he is doing it purposely to have some kind of power over you.

I can’t see any bright future with him.
You deserve sooo much better.

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 22:15

@chayago

OP, what are you doing with this loser? He knows full well what he’s doing and he is doing it purposely to have some kind of power over you.

I can’t see any bright future with him.
You deserve sooo much better.

I don't know!

I think I'm just an idiot 🙄🙃 I know it's not going to get any better.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 22:16

Why would you not get rid of someone so inconsiderate who makes you feel unloved & bad about yourself?!

I have an answer to that but I'm seeing that it's not a good enough one.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 22:17

He knows full well what he’s doing and he is doing it purposely to have some kind of power over you.

And I've started to see this too.

OP posts:
Phoenix76 · 02/11/2021 22:47

@EmptyPizzaBox I reckon you already know what you need to do, you’re just understandably running it over here to double check. Yes, it’s not the Halloween outfit, it’s the incidents leading up to it. He’s going to get a lot worse, if it were me I’d be out of that rapid speed now. If you’re thinking he’s the best you can get (for whatever reason, we can tell you’ve suffered something in your past) you’re very wrong. This is your life, now is the time to get behind the steering wheel. Good luck, I don’t know you but you sound great.

TheFoundations · 02/11/2021 22:48

@EmptyPizzaBox

I started to make a mental list of everyone who was nicer to me this weekend that he was.

The only people who weren't were people I didn't actually speak to.

Can you not see that it's unhealthy to continue a relationship when this kind of thing is going on in your head?
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 22:52

Yes. Now it is written down I can! I wasn't thinking like that before. I was trying to work out how I could make it better before.

Now I don't care. I just want to tell him its over.

OP posts:
BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 02/11/2021 22:53

His dismissive attitude towards you seems intentional.

beautifulview · 02/11/2021 22:58

I’d dump him for snapping at me about the kerb.

beautifulview · 02/11/2021 22:59

Just text him to say “our relationship isn’t working for me anymore. No hard feelings. All the best” doesn’t have to be complicated. You can’t inject empathy and kindness into him. It’s done. Find someone better.

TheFoundations · 02/11/2021 23:03

@EmptyPizzaBox

Yes. Now it is written down I can! I wasn't thinking like that before. I was trying to work out how I could make it better before.

Now I don't care. I just want to tell him its over.

Brilliant. Trying to work out how you could make it better would be a way of you taking responsibility for him making you feel bad. I had a fantastic realisation along those lines once, having spent ages trying to fix my behaviour so that someone horrible would be able to be nice to me: 'OMG. There's nothing I need to change about myself except my partner!'

Sounds like you're on the right track Flowers

sunnyzweibrucken · 02/11/2021 23:03

My ex was exactly like this. Never complimented me. If I hurt myself he never showed concern or asked if I was ok. It made me feel like he didn’t give a shit about me. And I always complimented him and showed my concern for his well being. Never rubbed off on him tho.

Sidehustle99 · 02/11/2021 23:06

It sounds like he's taking you for granted a bit. Can you talk to him about how unappreciated you feel? It's really up to you to decide if you are prepared to settle for this kind of behaviour. People don't usually change though x

maddy68 · 02/11/2021 23:12

You sound like you are quite insecure and need constant reassurances. Taken to him and say why didn't you comment and say I looked good? You need to communicate this

starskey80 · 02/11/2021 23:13

My ex was like that, never wanted to compliment me. I realised he didnt want me to know my wirth, as I'd then discover I could do soooo much better.

Dump him op, you sound great, he's a shit not worthy to lick your boots. And he knows it.

Anordinarymum · 02/11/2021 23:21

The guy does not bring any joy into your life now and he is only a boyfriend. He is not a keeper is he?

I bet your Halloween costume looked fab. I bet he is jealous.

Get rid of the unappreciative plonker. It won't change and you will just get more and more fed up... is what I think

Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 23:22

@maddy68

You sound like you are quite insecure and need constant reassurances. Taken to him and say why didn't you comment and say I looked good? You need to communicate this
No. I don't need constant reassurances at all. I wasn't insecure when I started dating him so I didn't really notice that he wasn't complimenting me. That doesn't really matter.

I was aware of him being embarrassed by me at first and then he started making dismissive comments. He hasn't been nasty to me yet but I think that's what he'll do next.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyPizzaBox · 02/11/2021 23:24

My ex was like that, never wanted to compliment me. I realised he didnt want me to know my wirth, as I'd then discover I could do soooo much better.

That's what my friends think he's doing. A couple of them commented on how he was with me at the party.

I bet your Halloween costume looked fab. I bet he is jealous

It was brilliant Wink thanks.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 02/11/2021 23:27

If you're not happy leave him? I honestly think the fact he didn't compliment you in a Halloween outfit is insignificant. bUT only you know if you feel it's part of a bigger issue

allyjay · 03/11/2021 02:51

It's not insignificant when he's then pointedly told a friend of ops that she looks 'striking'. I'd dump the negging bastard op.. I expect frequent compliments and appreciation from any men I'm with. He's a loser