Would you dump for this? Honestly?

[EmptyPizzaBox]

This is probably going to sound a bit petty.

I went to a Halloween party with my boyfriend of a year at the weekend.

I got ready and came down stairs and he said absolutely nothing about my costume or how I looked. What he said was "there you are. Can you do my make up now?"

This is just the latest in a catalogue of things that make me feel undervalued, unappreciated and a bit shit. It didn't help that when we got to the party everyone was telling each other how good they looked and he still managed to say nothing to me. The only thing he said about the whole thing was to thank me for doing his make up.

Back in my dating days, no I wouldn't have dumped a man for this.
But I was an utter mug back then. So don't be me.

Your friends are all coming to the same conclusion as you are - he's an emotional miser who seems to take pleasure in withholding being nice to a partner. That's possibly bearable when everythings going well but when stressful life events happen, you want a man to give give the hug you need, talk things over with you, and hand you a glass of your favourite wine. You want him in your corner being your biggest shoulder and biggest champion. This flute isn't the man you need.

I totally get how you feel. My ex was like this, never said anything to make me feel good about myself. It's nice to get acknowledgement of something you've done well and it's nice to get compliments. My ex said he wouldn't ever lie, which is even worse because he clearly never thought anything nice about me! He's an ex for a reason...

@PlanDeRaccordement

Sounds like death by a thousand paper cuts. Each thing by itself adds up to a picture of him not really caring about you.

Yeah agree with this, that one example in the OP no I wouldn't dump someone for but if this is just another thing in a list of him not caring or noticing you then find someone who likes you more! Life is too short

@EmptyPizzaBox

I guess I am thinking there is more to this than you are saying that is making you feel bad about yourself when around him.

Yes.

On Sunday, I slipped off the kerb and aggravated an existing back injury. He snapped at me because I'd embarrassed him by looking stupid in front of my friends. I just said "or ypu could ask if I were ok" but he'd forgotten about my back.

I've been on prescription painkillers for it for months.

But because it either obviously didn’t even occur to him to consider saying that or he simply knew and choose not to.

Yes. I don't know which it was but they are as bad as each other.

I would LTB for this. "I'd embarrassed HIM by looking stupid in front of my friends" He's a self absorbed idiot. If he can't help you or be nice to you when you've hurt yourself, but thinks only of his own image then what is the point in hanging on to him?

Plus. Grumpy at the thought of making you a sandwich when he was having one himself. Just horrible like saying he's worth the massive effort taken to make a sandwich, but you aren't. Yet I bet you'd have made one for him without batting an eyelid. He's inherently selfish.

How to tell him? I'd be tempted to do the sarcastic method. I've realised that you are too good for me, I can't keep up and must set you free to find someone worthy of you. And laugh my head off when he agrees. Twit.

See this is the first thing I would have had in that post. The Halloween thing seems minor on its own but the kerb thing makes it clear he is a horror. Dump!! I promise you this behaviour gets worse. He cares more about how HE looks than your injury. Just watch though, I have really bad vibes from these scenarios. Do you think it's safe to leave him normally or will you need an exit plan?

We don't live together. Ending it will be easy in that respect.

I did dump for this but it took me 3 and a half years before I realised the problem and it had ground me down.

My self esteem is still damaged from it. Get out now before you end up like me.

Whatever is going on it sounds absolutely joyless for you. Move on, leave the miserable git to it. You deserve better, some happiness and a partner you have an equitable relationship with.

Omg get rid.
You said yourself, it's part of a catalogue of things he's said or done that just make you feel a bit shit.
Maybe he's an arse, maybe he's simply unaware, but the result is that you feel unloved and that's the important bit. Do yourself a favour & get rid of this joy sucker.

Have you dumped him yet? My exH was just like this. A spiteful negging bastard.

You'll find your mental health will improve dramatically the moment you send the message "off you fuck, thanks"

No. But I haven't spoken to him since Monday either. He asked me on Monday if I wanted to go out tonight. I normally get in touch on Thursday to confirm but this week I didn't and he hasn't been in touch either.

So I guess that's it.

I've arranged to see a friend tomorrow night.

As my friend said last night, I have options. I might not want to take any of them up (I don't) but I don't need to put up with this.

Glad to hear it. Also being single and happy is definitely a great 'option'.

@Treacletoots

Have you dumped him yet? My exH was just like this. A spiteful negging bastard.

You'll find your mental health will improve dramatically the moment you send the message "off you fuck, thanks"

I don’t know why but the «Have you dumped him yet» cracked me up 🤣

But I agree 100% OP. I was in a relationship with a self-absorbed abusive piece of crap and us breaking up was one the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I’m now with an amazing respectful and loving husband. Wouldn’t have had that if I had stuck around.

It will not get better OP. Just dump him.