Prudish?

[Sonaftersonafterson]

Hi lovely ladies, if anyone is eating probably best to skip this post for now

I've been seeing a guy on and off.... really really like him although I dont know why as he is pretty flaky.

Anyway, we were arranging to meet up again, book a hotel etc and the chat turned to sex which I dont mind at all and often instigate but all his chat was about his ass. What he wanted me to do, wear (strap on) sorry if tmi. His words were he wanted me to "own his ass" and it just .. I dont know. He talks a lot about anal and although I dont mind it, he seems quite focused on it. We've met a few times, had sex a few times and hes not mentioned it in person yet but these texts... would they worry you?

I wouldn’t be doing that. Why doesn’t he just get a boyfriend ?

I'm prudish. Yes, I would be finding that a tad offputting.

I would take it that he is sexually submissive. He's choosing to have sex with you, presumably a woman, so I wouldn't worry that he's gay, if that's what you're hinting at.

It is the going on about sex that would be particularly off putting to me. And if you don't like the idea of the act that makes it even worse.

Why doesn’t he just get a boyfriend ?

@GoodnightGrandma Liking 'pegging' (a woman shagging him with a strap on) doesn't mean a man is gay and wants sex with a man. But some women might find the concept and talking about it a turn-off.

Personally I would be running for the hills if a man said that to me. It is not about being prudish but about sexual preferences.

I'd be very put off. It all sounds a bit 'porn' and not loving at all.

Hmm. I dont actually mind doing it.. but he just seems a little too focused on it. I know he does it to himself sometimes and that's fine but yes to be honest it did give me gay vibes and I just dont know what to do about that preconception

I would be comfortable enough doing this to a guy I trusted and liked well. I'd have pegged my ex in a heartbeat, had he asked. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it with someone I was just casual with or hadn't known very long. But that's me.

If you wouldn't feel comfortable doing it ever, with anyone, that's perfectly fine/normal, and doesn't make you a prude, it's just not something you're into. We all have our own kinks, and this just isn't one of yours. I wouldn't want to be tied up for example, I would hate that, but that wouldn't mean I was a prude or sexually repressed or whatever.

He's going on about it because he wants to do it, and it's one of his major turn ons/wants sexually.

If you're not into it, fgs, say so, and then if he keeps bringing it up, then dump. Excuse the choice of word there .

If you're into it, then carry on.

TBH it's a plus he so open about things and you can talk about them .
like anything don't so anything you don't want to give it a go and if it's not for you it's not for you .

Yes, it sounds like something he’s quite fixated on, and if it isn’t something you hugely enjoy then it’s likely to become an obstacle to the two of you having mutually enjoyable sex. But a man enjoying anal play doesn’t make him gay any more than a woman enjoying receiving oral sex makes her a lesbian. End it because you’re sexually incompatible, not because of what frankly amounts to internalised homophobia.

@Sonaftersonafterson

Hmm. I dont actually mind doing it.. but he just seems a little too focused on it. I know he does it to himself sometimes and that's fine but yes to be honest it did give me gay vibes and I just dont know what to do about that preconception

Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to and aroused by, not a particular sexual activity. Men can find this type of activity pleasurable because it stimulates their prostate gland.

I think it's probably also reflective of a desire to be submissive to you. Maybe offer to do something else that puts you in that role instead and see how he reacts.

I agree with PP, this is something better explored after the relationship has matured a bit.

I would guess that if you don't either actively like doing it/don't mind doing it, you'd soon get bored of it, or him asking would start to give you the ick.

It doesn't makes him gay or bi. Is it the act itself that's the problem for you, or wondering what his motivations for wanting it are? Are there other things that make you question his sexuallity?

As much as anything, I'd be kind of asking, 'what's in it for me? I get that this really excites you, but doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun for me, on the whole!'

It seems like you guys might not be a good match sexually.

You're not having a lot of luck with blokes recently are you?

It's called dating

What's your point @iklboogiemaninthecloset ?

Sorry I wasn't having a dig at you! I meant you've had some dating experiences that haven't gone well. I admire you for not getting pissed off with it all! I'm sorry I didn't explain myself or expand on the post .

Ah ok I see. Sorry, sounded like you were taking the piss. No, it's not going well and yes, I am getting extremely fed up with it !

It did and I apologise. It must be really frustrating for you

Jesus. It'd be a form no from me 😬

What are you going to get out of this liaison?

Who do you think sets the guidelines about what you should and shouldn't like, in terms of what your partners say/do/want to do, sexually?

I mean, would you think 'Oh, MN says this thing he's doing is fine, so I'd better just put aside the fact that I don't like it...'?

To be fair I get nothing out of blow jobs other than giving the bloke pleasure, but love receiving oral myself. If he scratches my back, I'll scratch his in return, so to speak. I also like using toys in bed, and don't mind using them on who I'm with, anymore than I mind them using them on me. But again that's a personal preference.

What he's asking for isn't "weird", but neither is you not being keen on it being a regular part of your sex life. If you can't come to a compromise on this, you'd probably both be happier with other, more like minded people.

"own his ass"? Who talks like that?

Simple rule: if someone wants you to do something in bed that puts you off, don't do it. If they keep on about it, leave them. And if they talk in a fake American accent throughout, dump them immediately.