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Original poster

Prudish?

93 replies

Sonaftersonafterson · 02/11/2021 17:31

Hi lovely ladies, if anyone is eating probably best to skip this post for now Blush

I've been seeing a guy on and off.... really really like him although I dont know why as he is pretty flaky.

Anyway, we were arranging to meet up again, book a hotel etc and the chat turned to sex which I dont mind at all and often instigate but all his chat was about his ass. What he wanted me to do, wear (strap on) sorry if tmi. His words were he wanted me to "own his ass" and it just .. I dont know. He talks a lot about anal and although I dont mind it, he seems quite focused on it. We've met a few times, had sex a few times and hes not mentioned it in person yet but these texts... would they worry you?

OP posts:
PinotPony · 03/11/2021 10:12

It's good that he is being upfront about his preferences in bed. There's nothing weird or shameful about pegging. The prostate has loads of nerve endings and lots of guys like anal play in one form or another.

It's also no reflection of his sexuality. If that were the case, straight men would happily accept a blowjob from another man!

The key question here is how you feel about it. If it's a hard No, then just tell him straight. If, on the other hand, you want to try it and see, then have a discussion. You can massage his prostate externally without having to insert anything in his arse. Lube on his perineum and press your knuckles (quite hard) in a figure of eight movement against the skin. Might be worth seeing if you both enjoy that...

LouReading · 03/11/2021 10:22

I have a sudden nostalgia for my sexual experiences of the 1980s ... when men's bum-holes did not feature at all .

me4real · 03/11/2021 10:35

he's jumped straight in going on about her 'owning his arse' therefore making it a part of their sexual talk at an early stage when it doesn't sound like he's behaving that well in other ways with the flakiness.

Snoopfroggy makes a good point here @Sonaftersonafterson . He's trying to get you to do all the sexual stuff he wants without also fully acting as if he's putting energy into building a relationship. Comes across as he's just using you for sexual stuff to some extent, or at least not bothered about where the relationship goes.

1MillionDollars · 03/11/2021 10:37

It's also no reflection of his sexuality. If that were the case, straight men would happily accept a blowjob from another man!

WHAAAAAAAT. I wouldn't but don't mind a bit of gentle bum play. Not all the time though. Surprise me 😂

Original poster
Sonaftersonafterson · 03/11/2021 11:52

Cucumber Grin

I can't unsee this now @1MillionDollars

OP posts:
1MillionDollars · 03/11/2021 12:28

@Sonaftersonafterson

Might be better than ACTUALLY seeing it.

Nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with him. To each their own.

JustThisLastLittleBit · 03/11/2021 12:43

A guy I was seeing alluded to this in messaging and the way it made me feel showed me that I never wanted to see him again. I never did, even though otherwise the sex was very good. Don’t put a label like ‘prudish’ on your reactions/feelings, just listen to them as they are the authentic you.

PermanentTemporary · 03/11/2021 13:34

Agreed wanting to be pegged doesn't mean he's submissive, guess I'm extrapolating from my own experience there.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 03/11/2021 13:41

It's also no reflection of his sexuality. If that were the case, straight men would happily accept a blowjob from another man!

You'd be surprised how many 'straight' men get blow jobs from other 'straight' men.

I have a friend who is on fab swingers, he gets a LOT of men coming to see him for blowjobs! Married men, local business men, 'pillars of the community' all enjoying getting & giving BJ's with other men.

My friend says he's straight not Bi! He enjoys the sexual BJ exchanges, but has NO wish to be in a relationship with a man

PinotPony · 03/11/2021 14:48

The point I was trying to make, perhaps rather clumsily, is that a preference for a particular sexual activity doesn't equate to sexuality. For those who suggested that pegging or anal play means he must be gay...

For what is worth, I was a bit 😳 when DP suggested pegging. I don't think you can really know whether you like something until you've tried it. So we had a chat about poo and pain and butt plugs and douches and wet wipes... and tried. I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it. I have a newfound admiration for men... all that thrusting is tough on your glutes! 😂

Rocaille · 03/11/2021 22:01

The idea of pegging a man disgusts me. Immediate ick. Also, I can't stand men who introduce sensitive topics such as this via text instead of talking about them face-to-face like a grown up. Two good reasons to kick this fetishist to the curb.

EarthSight · 03/11/2021 22:59

Unless you fancy being pestered for things you're not interested or are turned off by, dump.

He's made his sexual turn ons really clear and I would say you're being used to fulfil a very specific fantasy of his. Where's the mutual eroticism here?

Where did you meet initially? A casual sex dating app?

EarthSight · 03/11/2021 23:01

@SpookyPumpkinPants

It's also no reflection of his sexuality. If that were the case, straight men would happily accept a blowjob from another man!

You'd be surprised how many 'straight' men get blow jobs from other 'straight' men.

I have a friend who is on fab swingers, he gets a LOT of men coming to see him for blowjobs! Married men, local business men, 'pillars of the community' all enjoying getting & giving BJ's with other men.

My friend says he's straight not Bi! He enjoys the sexual BJ exchanges, but has NO wish to be in a relationship with a man

@SpookyPumpkinPants

My friend says he's straight not Bi!

Yeah.......sure he is/

He seems to have a thing for delusion and well as blow jobs from men.

smoko · 04/11/2021 05:58

Ok I love receiving anal & worked in an adult store

To each their own, but this would personally have me running for the hills.

“Own his ass”?!

No…just, no.

smoko · 04/11/2021 06:04

There is no way he isn’t bi, or one of these nouveau sexuality subtypes, babe.

If he is that err, open about you “owning his ass” to say it out loud, he isn’t even hiding it really.

This is a link & you should listen to your instincts about if you are ok with playing along. To me a respectful kink is learned - not thrust upon you

Don’t feel like you need to play along so he still likes you. Think about it this is something you are into, or can tolerate

There is a huge psychological difference between a modern prostate toy marketed for all males & a fucking strap on.

One is about enjoying prostate pleasure, the other is to simulate being fucked by a man.

Mulberrygirl3 · 04/11/2021 07:05

I can’t get past “own his ass” patter. I would have laughed. It does sound as if you don’t know him that well and he is pushing his sexual fantasies on you. If you’re up for it, go for it but what’s on the menu next week? You sound a bit passive in all of this as you say things like you don’t mind it. For me to put a strap on and own a man’s ass Grin I’d need to be really into it and find that prospect a turn on to want to try it. Not a “I don’t mind” kind of thing. Good luck with whatever you decide Flowers

Rocaille · 04/11/2021 09:23

He's probably got a sissification/autogynophilia fetish. It's not possible to have a mutually rewarding, loving relationship with these men. They're too far gone down the rabbit hole of pornography and narcissism.

Original poster
Sonaftersonafterson · 04/11/2021 09:33

Oh ladies 😁😁
I very rarely actually laugh out loud with things I read on here but the general reaction to him asking me to "own his ass" has had me fuckinh cracking up. I'm so glad it's not just me that thought whaaaat!?!? To be fair to the guy, it's a purely sexual relationship and we have discussed this and I was open to it but deep down (excuse the pun) I do think he has some kind of gay fetish. That's cool, but I'm not a man! I just dont know. Kinda getting the feeling I'm a convenient, willing hole rather than anything else. I guess I should have picked this up early, he would tell me he fingered his own ass when masturbating and that it was "intense"... so I'm guessing gay porn ... who knows.

OP posts:
SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 09:34

@PermanentTemporary

Agreed wanting to be pegged doesn't mean he's submissive, guess I'm extrapolating from my own experience there.
Wanting your arse "owned" does however.
SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 09:37

I have no idea if hes gay, bi or hetero; all I know is that the act of penetrating on a man, and the "owning"/dominating bdsm thing, would make my fanjo snap shut faster than a bear trap.

I couldn't couldn't him as attractive in general.

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 09:40

He'll be wanting to play "sissy" and dress up next.

Ewww.

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 09:47

@SpookyPumpkinPants

It's also no reflection of his sexuality. If that were the case, straight men would happily accept a blowjob from another man!

You'd be surprised how many 'straight' men get blow jobs from other 'straight' men.

I have a friend who is on fab swingers, he gets a LOT of men coming to see him for blowjobs! Married men, local business men, 'pillars of the community' all enjoying getting & giving BJ's with other men.

My friend says he's straight not Bi! He enjoys the sexual BJ exchanges, but has NO wish to be in a relationship with a man

But theyre not straight then.

By activity/behaviour, if not by self identification.

As for the bloke not wanting a relationship with a man; similar. Doesnt mean hes straight, just that his relationship preference is opposite sex. There are lots of bi people whose relationship preference is opposite sex too.

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 10:21

He seems to have a thing for delusion and well as blow jobs from men.

Yeah, he's also failing to acknowledge that he can label himself as heterosexual, while having sex with men; bit the object of his "heterosexual" focus for a relationship I.e. women don't have to agree, in fact they're very likely to no agree that he is heterosexual if he's honest about having sex with men. So is he planning to lie about having had sex with men to the women he gets into a relationship with? Great, high integrity basis for a relationship.

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 10:27

If he's honest, most would (especially if he's honest early on) leg it.

And that would be entirely understandable.

Even if i truly believe a man who gas sex with other men is heterosexual, I'd have to put him into the category of "men whof do literally anything with anyone in order to get their dick wet and have an orgasm, including letting a bloke suck it (Even though they say theyre heteto) ... . And that category is not a group of people I'd advise any woman to get involved with.

Either way he's not relationship material.

And I have a feeling he lies about all this to women so they enter relationships with him on false pretences.

SleepingBunnies21 · 04/11/2021 10:34

Back on the op, in addition to the massive turn off of this fixated on his own ass, bdsm, wants to be pegged and gave his ass "owned" thing ... you sag he's flaky, and as others have limited out he's raising quite extreme, bdsm, alternative fetish sex stuff - by text - without you two even having a long, secure, trusting involvement.

He sounds like one to swerve.

Let him find a woman who's into that off fet life or somewhere (or pay a dominatrix). Fk knows what else will crop up with him as well.