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Original poster

Prudish?

93 replies

Sonaftersonafterson · 02/11/2021 17:31

Hi lovely ladies, if anyone is eating probably best to skip this post for now Blush

I've been seeing a guy on and off.... really really like him although I dont know why as he is pretty flaky.

Anyway, we were arranging to meet up again, book a hotel etc and the chat turned to sex which I dont mind at all and often instigate but all his chat was about his ass. What he wanted me to do, wear (strap on) sorry if tmi. His words were he wanted me to "own his ass" and it just .. I dont know. He talks a lot about anal and although I dont mind it, he seems quite focused on it. We've met a few times, had sex a few times and hes not mentioned it in person yet but these texts... would they worry you?

OP posts:
Yousexybugger · 02/11/2021 18:41

I'd be put off if someone was flaky in other ways but fixated on a particular kink of theirs. Seems a bit selfish and not focussed on an equal relationship, be that long term or FWB. Not sure how long you've been dating but I wouldn't expect this to come up until we were quite established. Not saying it's wrong or anything but not one for the first few nights together.

Yousexybugger · 02/11/2021 18:42

I suppose it feels like boundary pushing behaviour, the flaking and early introduction of something quite niche.

AnyFucker · 02/11/2021 18:43

God, he sounds boring as fuck

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/11/2021 18:45

OP if it's not a turn off - try it. You might find you love it!

@mbosnz "what's in it for me" - it's pretty simple for the session to be beneficial to both! You start with oral on OP, PIV if wanted, then it's anal foreplay for him (this is not an activity you want to rush in like a bull at a gate!) then on with the strap on, while he wanks himself off. Or rearrange / add any activity you want, just make sure everyone cums.

I LOVE my strap on haha 😂

The "gay" thing is just ridiculous. He's having sex with a woman. If a man has anal sex with a woman would you think he was gay? Gay men also have oral sex so if you give a guy a blowjob would you think he was gay? Or that you were a gay man? 🤔 Sexuality is defined by who you are attracted to, not any particular act!

I'd be very happy that he's putting his kinks out there early. Far better to give you the chance early on to say "nah not for me sorry" than wait until you're emotionally involved. I suspect he's learned that due to the previous experience of the type of pearl clutching responses on this very thread 😂

MissConductUS · 02/11/2021 18:48

And if they talk in a fake American accent throughout, dump them immediately.

I agree. Fake American accents are a massive red flag.

Grin
SoItWas · 02/11/2021 18:49

"Not saying it's wrong or anything but not one for the first few nights together."

^True, but it's maybe better to know they're super into that, sooner rather than later.

I wouldn't be interested in threesomes, ever (been there, done that, felt the jealousy and insecurity, never again), but I'd rather a guy I was dating sprung it on me early that he was interested in that sort of thing, so I could end it right away, than after I'd say, introduced him to my friends or family, (and mysteriously dumped him out of the blue one day, refusing to tell anyone why...)

insatiableme · 02/11/2021 18:50

It sounds like he is embarrassed to mention it face to face but obviously wants to make a point that this is what he likes and wants next time you have sex. It would be very off putting if someone kept banging on about you owning their ass!

PermanentTemporary · 02/11/2021 18:56

I was asked to do this but in the end I didn't and didn't see the guy again, which I don't regret. I think most men who are into it are hugely into porn. I can relate to it, as I like penetrative sex so can imagine a man might want to experience that.

If you want to keep seeing him and see how you feel about it, you could - why not get him to tell you his fantasy about it - or even tell you what it was like when he's had it done before unlikely . I find talk like that a huge turn on. You could also get him to do the running - buy the kit etc. But if you don't like it even as a fantasy, don't do it. Submissive men can be ridiculously demanding and rigid in their fantasies and give you no room to be a real person.

me4real · 02/11/2021 19:09

to be honest it did give me gay vibes and I just dont know what to do about that preconception

@Sonaftersonafterson There are loads of articles online where you can read about people doing this as part of heterosexual sex, not gay at all. That could help you get over the preconception that it's gay.

But you don't have to get over not being turned on by it.

me4real · 02/11/2021 19:13

I can relate to it, as I like penetrative sex so can imagine a man might want to experience that.

It could also be partly because men have a prostate which is very sexually stimulating.

Submissive men

I don't think it makes a man 100% submissive if he has the occasional fantasy of an act where the woman takes charge, if you see what I mean.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 02/11/2021 19:24

Yeah, that's why I never dated Pope Francis, and what with all his messaging.... Well I think it was him? Hmm

catsareme14 · 02/11/2021 19:38

My ex was AGP & wanted this all the time . Not my thing.

SpangoDweller · 02/11/2021 19:42

Quite a bit of kink shaming here. It’s fine if you’re not into it but why be so critical and nasty?

Original poster
Sonaftersonafterson · 02/11/2021 19:54

Definitely not meaning to be nasty. Hes just talked more about this act than other things so it kind of gave me the ick... a bit....but I do fancy him a lot so will play along for now

OP posts:
DriftingBlue · 02/11/2021 20:03

You aren’t prudish for not finding his talking about a particular sex act frequently off-putting. Just like it’s not ok to kink shame him, it’s not ok to apply a negative label to yourself for having a less than enthusiastic reaction.

category12 · 02/11/2021 20:17

@Sonaftersonafterson

Definitely not meaning to be nasty. Hes just talked more about this act than other things so it kind of gave me the ick... a bit....but I do fancy him a lot so will play along for now
Playing along if it's not your thing is silly and unfair.
TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 20:42

Not something I would ever want to do.

MultiStorey · 02/11/2021 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Opentooffers · 02/11/2021 21:01

Well, it all comes down to what you and he want out of the liason. Are you aiming for a FWB situation - in which case bringing up desires quickly is not to be unexpected. If you are aiming at future relationship, then it's way too soon and quite OTT to ask for it at this point when you hardly know each other.
I don't think it's all that weird, i think I'd maybe give it a go within a loving relationship that's had time to develop, or an experimental FWB fun situation, but if it was the start of a relationship, I'd get the image in my head and feel pretty stupid about the idea. It's not an act to aim to bring you closer together with.

Opentooffers · 02/11/2021 21:06

On rereading, I worry for you. You say you really like him, despite him being flaky. He clearly sees you as a FWB, as he's flaky and has brought fantasies in fast. If you want more than a shag from him, just don't go there.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/11/2021 22:33

It's not prudish to not share a fetish.

If it's all he talks about / turns sexual chats to then it's ok for you to be turned off by that.

It's about boundaries, not prudishness, if that makes sense.

Don't do something you aren't into sexually. Ever.

BurntO · 02/11/2021 23:59

I get it OP, I think it’s the kind of thing you slowly bring into the relationship or at least talk about before he bombards you sexting about it Confused if there are no other concerns I’d see how it goes

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 03/11/2021 08:41

@SoItWas

"Not saying it's wrong or anything but not one for the first few nights together."

^True, but it's maybe better to know they're super into that, sooner rather than later.

I wouldn't be interested in threesomes, ever (been there, done that, felt the jealousy and insecurity, never again), but I'd rather a guy I was dating sprung it on me early that he was interested in that sort of thing, so I could end it right away, than after I'd say, introduced him to my friends or family, (and mysteriously dumped him out of the blue one day, refusing to tell anyone why...)

Fair point, I don't disagree with you but it sounds like rather than mention 'by the way, I'm really into XYZ, have you tried it?', he's jumped straight in going on about her 'owning his arse' therefore making it a part of their sexual talk at an early stage when it doesn't sound like he's behaving that well in other ways with the flakiness. It's kind of presumptuous to me and shows he may be more into the idea of sex than being a good partner.

OP if you're not sure, don't just play along. As I say, not saying this is wrong but it isn't great, just assuming someone is happy to accommodate whatever his kinks are.

1MillionDollars · 03/11/2021 08:46

Yeah. Just about what your happy to do. If this is what he craves and your not into it, you are not sexually compatible and you'll end up coming home finding him with a cucumber up his butt one day 🤣🤣🤣🤣

grapewine · 03/11/2021 08:59

Don't "play along" with kinks. That's not how it should work. If you don't share it, tell him. That's fine and much fairer to everyone. Why would you do something sexually that you're not into, really, with someone you don't really know?

Worst case he's testing your boundaries to see how far he can push them. Don't be OK with that because "you really like him".