He’s just not that into me is he?

CharlotteRose90 · 2021-11-01T23:52:00+00:00

Feel stupid posting this but before i delete his number I wanted to check I’m feeling it right. Met a guy on Facebook through a mutual group we have In common. Started talking about 6 weeks ago. Then thanks to work commitments and him getting covid then me getting it we couldn’t meet till last week. During that time we’ve been messaging all the time, sending selfie’s, talking on the phone etc. We went out for a bite to eat on the 26th October , had a cuddle and kiss before I drove home and I thought things were ok. The next day it all changed gone were the flirty ish messages and the xs on texts. No more selfie’s. We have spoken every day since but I feel the efforts not there. I get the feeling he wasn’t attracted to me and if that’s the case I wish he’d say it . I started to like him which at 31 makes me feel stupid. He’s 30 btw if that helps. I’m thinking it’s a delete the number situation.

Justmuddlingalong · 01/11/2021 23:54

Sadly, I think you're right and would delete his number. 💐

ErickBroch · 02/11/2021 09:52

He is not going to message you and say he's not attracted to you, is he? That's extremely hurtful to say to someone. You are right in that he isn't interested in pursuing any further, but it doesn't mean physical attraction, it could have been a personality trait or something. I would just stop messaging him entirely as it's clear it's not going any further.

samesign · 02/11/2021 10:09

You know when they'll not interested but I understand it's hard to accept that if you like them, he probably does like you as a person but the spark probably wasn't there.

Bluebells34 · 02/11/2021 10:30

Act on your instincts and the language in his text messages - if the flirting has stopped and x's he is definately backing away but it could be a million reasons why - there may be someone else in the back grounf, he got cold feet - do not put yourself sown and automatically think he was not attracted to you

Rainbowqueeen · 02/11/2021 10:31

Yep if no future meet has been organised then he’s not into you.

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 11:09

@ErickBroch

He is not going to message you and say he's not attracted to you, is he? That's extremely hurtful to say to someone. You are right in that he isn't interested in pursuing any further, but it doesn't mean physical attraction, it could have been a personality trait or something. I would just stop messaging him entirely as it's clear it's not going any further.

At my age I’d be happy if he said listen I just didn’t like the way you look or you’re not my type. Would upset me but I’d rather the truth.

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Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 11:10

@Bluebells34

Act on your instincts and the language in his text messages - if the flirting has stopped and x's he is definately backing away but it could be a million reasons why - there may be someone else in the back grounf, he got cold feet - do not put yourself sown and automatically think he was not attracted to you

No I definitely think he’s not interested. It’s fine . Just makes me laugh as the kiss and cuddle were initiated by him. I don’t go doing that to people I don’t think there’s a spark with.

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Oftenithinkaboutit · 02/11/2021 11:12

He doesn’t want to say anything specific and that’s fair enough given it was in embryonic form
He just wants it to fizzle out organically
Any you should just let it happen

Oftenithinkaboutit · 02/11/2021 11:14

At my age I’d be happy if he said listen I just didn’t like the way you look or you’re not my type. Would upset me but I’d rather the truth.

And that’s great
But that’s you
Many wouldn’t like
And he hardly knows you
So certainly doesn’t know this about you
So he’s playing safe and wanting it to fizzle out
Let it

Opentooffers · 02/11/2021 11:27

If he wasn't feeling it, I'm going to say he really should of known better than to kiss and cuddle at the end of the date. I had a lovely fun date a while back, but no spark for me, so let him know the situation at the end. He either lead you on, he's not entirely single, or he's a commitment-phobe, none of which you need in life.
Fade away or block, whichever you find easier. Just as long as you don't go chasing him for a reason, why doesn't matter.

ravenmum · 02/11/2021 11:28

You can think someone is attractive and would normally be your type, but still just not fancy them for something as undefinable as "it just didn't click". And no decent person is just going to text "Sorry, don't like the way you look".
Sounds like he's not keen, but OTOH he might have thought you didn't seem keen and have wound things down so as not to look stupid.
How about a cheerful text "Hi X, had a nice night on Tuesday and would be up for meeting again if you are interested - get the impression you're a bit uncertain though? Meet again on Saturday or do you want to leave it at that?"

AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2021 11:30

Just makes me laugh as the kiss and cuddle were initiated by him. I don’t go doing that to people I don’t think there’s a spark with.

He could have done it to see if there was any chemistry between you? Either way if he's backed off the next day I would say let this one go

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 11:31

@ravenmum

You can think someone is attractive and would normally be your type, but still just not fancy them for something as undefinable as "it just didn't click". And no decent person is just going to text "Sorry, don't like the way you look". Sounds like he's not keen, but OTOH he might have thought you didn't seem keen and have wound things down so as not to look stupid. How about a cheerful text "Hi X, had a nice night on Tuesday and would be up for meeting again if you are interested - get the impression you're a bit uncertain though? Meet again on Saturday or do you want to leave it at that?"

I’ve deleted his number this morning. I messaged him yesterday as we had said about doing something for bonfire night and he replied saying what did we plan? Was that for me? So clearly he’s forgotten our conversation and isn’t interested. Enough said for me to delete him. Just annoying as I got the hint he liked me but oh well.

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CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 11:33

@AryaStarkWolf

Just makes me laugh as the kiss and cuddle were initiated by him. I don’t go doing that to people I don’t think there’s a spark with.

He could have done it to see if there was any chemistry between you? Either way if he's backed off the next day I would say let this one go

Yeah that’s true. Just annoying as I wouldn’t do that with everyone but he’s different obviously. It’s done anyway. If he ever texts me he can but I’ve deleted him number.

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furbabymama87 · 02/11/2021 11:34

It could be something specific about you that he didn't like, but I doubt it. There's a certain type of person that enjoys the thrill of messaging and phone calls, getting to know new people but as soon as it starts to get real, can't deal with it and back off. Which leaves the other person extremely confused. My advice would be to just leave this guy, don't chase him and if he wants to move on, just let him. You'll meet someone else better suited to you who will give you what you need.

ravenmum · 02/11/2021 11:36

he replied saying what did we plan? Was that for me?
OK, that's a bit rude, I can see why you'd delete!
It can be awkward when you've messaged so long before meeting - I had a similar thing with one guy, where we couldn't meet up for a few weeks, and I wouldn't do it again. In my case, I was the one who wasn't interested, and I told him so, but it was hard to find the right tone.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2021 11:38

Yeah that’s true. Just annoying as I wouldn’t do that with everyone but he’s different obviously. It’s done anyway. If he ever texts me he can but I’ve deleted him number.

Yeah I wouldn't do that either and it must have made you feel twice as shit when you thought it was a good sign. Chin up though, at least you've cut ties now and haven't been strung along

Sunshineandflipflops · 02/11/2021 11:51

Unfortunately I don't think the kiss/cuddles correlate necessarily with how much you fancy someone.

I met a guy for a date once, we had chatted and got on well before hand, etc. We had a good date, talked for a long time and then when we left we had a kiss in the car park, instigated by him mostly, but then the chats afterwards changed tone a little and he didn't mention meeting again so I deleted him. Maybe I was just a crap kisser or maybe he thought he'd go for it anyway, who knows.

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 12:07

Who knows . People are so strange I can’t work it out. Maybe he wanted a one night stand I dunno. But he was the one who started contact with hugging etc. Oh well he’s not the guy I liked now anyway. He’s turned out to be someone completely different . Probably for the best as he does the same job my ex did and I said I’d never go there again.

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Opentooffers · 02/11/2021 12:52

Was that for me? Very rude, also makes me wonder if he has a few irons on the go. Forgotten what he's said to who.

loadsofcake · 02/11/2021 13:02

I'm in a similar situation OP. Frustrating isn't it.

Maybe he went for the kiss to see if there would be a spark and there wasn't or he can't commit at the moment and enjoyed the flirty texts.

I would move in if I was you.

loadsofcake · 02/11/2021 13:03

Sorry .... move ON not in 😊

AskItaliano · 02/11/2021 13:16

Just makes me laugh as the kiss and cuddle were initiated by him. I don’t go doing that to people I don’t think there’s a spark with.

Honestly, when I was single I kissed/cuddled/slept with quite a few guys where I just wasn't sure if there was anything there. Sometimes you don't know unless you give it a try.

Try to keep this in perspective. You've been talking a few weeks and went on one date. A date is there to see if you click/have chemistry and whether you want to continue to see one another. He's done nothing wrong, and neither have you, it just hasn't panned out. It's really no big deal even though the rejection will feel sore for a bit.

Everyone is different, some people can sleep with someone who is just a friend because they like sex. Some people don't kiss until they're married! Just because you do things a certain way doesn't mean he does/should. You'll get past this in time, you'll have food in your fridge that's older than this fling :)

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 13:31

Well he’s sent me 3 messages since this morning and I’ve ignored them all. Gone out for the day with my mum for food and the cinema since it’s my day off. My mum tagged me in the restaurant and he’s sent me a message saying have a lovely day . I’m not replying and I don’t plan too. I have more then enough friends and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone I like .

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AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2021 13:48

@CharlotteRose90

Well he’s sent me 3 messages since this morning and I’ve ignored them all. Gone out for the day with my mum for food and the cinema since it’s my day off. My mum tagged me in the restaurant and he’s sent me a message saying have a lovely day . I’m not replying and I don’t plan too. I have more then enough friends and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone I like .

Good for you. What is he playing at though? Maybe trying to keep you on a string by acting aloof and then interested again but I'm glad you didn't allow him to do that to you.