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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s just not that into me is he?

100 replies

CharlotteRose90 · 01/11/2021 23:52

Feel stupid posting this but before i delete his number I wanted to check I’m feeling it right.

Met a guy on Facebook through a mutual group we have In common. Started talking about 6 weeks ago. Then thanks to work commitments and him getting covid then me getting it we couldn’t meet till last week. During that time we’ve been messaging all the time, sending selfie’s, talking on the phone etc.

We went out for a bite to eat on the 26th October , had a cuddle and kiss before I drove home and I thought things were ok. The next day it all changed gone were the flirty ish messages and the xs on texts. No more selfie’s. We have spoken every day since but I feel the efforts not there. I get the feeling he wasn’t attracted to me and if that’s the case I wish he’d say it . I started to like him which at 31 makes me feel stupid. He’s 30 btw if that helps. I’m thinking it’s a delete the number situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 18:28

@Genevie82

.. to be honest Op I think once he realised sex wasn’t on the menu that night he lost interest ..you’re right to mug him off now! Xx
Yeah I’m beginning to think he wanted sex Aswell. Good thing it didn’t happen as I’m too shy otherwise I’d have felt worse then now. He’s just a dickhead . I even met his dog and he was like oh she’s used to being the only girl in my life she’ll have to get used to you being here. It’s all bullshit and I fell for it
OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 02/11/2021 18:43

He's a player. He flirted and made you think there was a connection. As soon as you responded, he thought he'd got you, so started negging you. The idea is to make you desperate for him so he feels good and like he's in control. Now you've pulled back, he wants to draw you in again, so he'll start being nice and flirty.

I wouldn't bother texting him. You don't want to give him any kind of opening with you. He'll just mess with your head - he's already messed with your head after just one date. Block and move on.

Lorddenning1 · 02/11/2021 19:14

You have been on 1 date, chill out!
He has text you a couple of times today, at least he didn't ignore you completely and blocked you after the date.

Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 19:19

@Lorddenning1

You have been on 1 date, chill out! He has text you a couple of times today, at least he didn't ignore you completely and blocked you after the date.
I’d rather he did block me haha. Atleast that way I wouldn’t have to deal with the friendly messages he’s sent me.
OP posts:
LaBellaTrix · 02/11/2021 20:02

I think you're being a bit cruel by ignoring him. At least text him and say you got the impression he wasn't wanting a relationship with you, and let him know that - he's not actually done anything wrong apart from not putting kisses at the end of his texts!

Itsbeen84yearss · 02/11/2021 20:08

If he’s not trying to physically see you and date you he’s not interested. Text messaging is pretty meaningless

Hetyanni · 02/11/2021 20:14

He deserves a good ghosting after the bonfire night reply.

Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 20:54

So I’ve just messaged him this.

Hey, so just wanted to message and say it’s clear from the tone of your texts that you aren’t interested and we haven’t organised another date so I’m leaving it here. Was lovely to meet you but I’m looking to date not have another friendship . I Wish you good luck.

He won’t reply but I feel much better for sending it.

OP posts:
DivorceAdvicePlease123 · 02/11/2021 21:07

Good for you OP! No bullshit!

NewLifePending · 02/11/2021 21:10

Good for you OP!
Now stick to your guns. I’ve been in this vicious cycle for 18 months with a guy. It’s no fun and all my own doing but I keep
Telling myself I’m in control of the situation 🙄
Block him and don’t give him a second thought

R0tational · 02/11/2021 21:19

You shouldnt have text him as many men do not take rejection well and become dickish. Be prepared for him to turn it round on you or reel you back in.

Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 21:22

@NewLifePending

Good for you OP! Now stick to your guns. I’ve been in this vicious cycle for 18 months with a guy. It’s no fun and all my own doing but I keep Telling myself I’m in control of the situation 🙄 Block him and don’t give him a second thought
I’ve been there myself in the past with my ex and I’m not doing it again. Just want an actual guy to want me not fuck about with games.
OP posts:
OnTheSafeSide · 02/11/2021 21:30

I think that was a perfect message, well done! And I think he might be gob- smacked if he was just playing it cool, but did really actually like you.

5128gap · 02/11/2021 21:36

It was weird him saying was that for me. Makes me wonder if something you said/did on the date made him think you were seeing someone else and he backed off because he thought you weren't interested. Especially given he chased you a bit when you were out with your mum. Might be just games of course. But if not, your text gives him opportunity to set it straight.

Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 21:41

@5128gap

It was weird him saying was that for me. Makes me wonder if something you said/did on the date made him think you were seeing someone else and he backed off because he thought you weren't interested. Especially given he chased you a bit when you were out with your mum. Might be just games of course. But if not, your text gives him opportunity to set it straight.
I think it’s the other way round and that he was seeing other women and lost track of our conversations so asked if it was someone else. Doesn’t really matter anymore .
OP posts:
5128gap · 02/11/2021 21:45

Maybe. Just seems a funny thing to say as though he thought you had lost track of who you'd said it to. Glad you don't think it matters though. You have a great outlook.

REDHERO · 02/11/2021 21:56

Some people flirt massively by text and then change after having met up. Hot and then cold. Not sure why. It's irritating and can be upsetting. Once a guy love bombed me and then after 2 dates said I did some minor thing wrong and he went cold. Odd.

You found out early @CharlotteRose90 good luck and move on he wasn't right for you and hoping you find the right person for you soon.

REDHERO · 02/11/2021 21:59

@CharlotteRose90

So I’ve just messaged him this.

Hey, so just wanted to message and say it’s clear from the tone of your texts that you aren’t interested and we haven’t organised another date so I’m leaving it here. Was lovely to meet you but I’m looking to date not have another friendship . I Wish you good luck.

He won’t reply but I feel much better for sending it.

This sounds like you are hoping he will come back with a 'oh I am interested' and off on the texts again until he cools again. It could turn into a rinse repeat situation that way.

In any event good luck with finding a better match.

Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2021 22:05

@REDHERO crap does it? Wasn’t meant too. I don’t want him saying he’s interested. Think I’ll be giving up dating for a bit now if I’m honest. Saves me buying Christmas presents too 😂

OP posts:
Animood · 02/11/2021 22:09

@REDHERO

Some people flirt massively by text and then change after having met up. Hot and then cold. Not sure why. It's irritating and can be upsetting. Once a guy love bombed me and then after 2 dates said I did some minor thing wrong and he went cold. Odd.

You found out early @CharlotteRose90 good luck and move on he wasn't right for you and hoping you find the right person for you soon.

People change their minds after meeting up! It's normal and perfectly acceptable for them to change their minds at any stage!

Re the "minor thing", it clearly wasn't minor to him. And that's for him to decide what's important and what's not.

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/11/2021 22:10

@beastlyslumber

He's a player. He flirted and made you think there was a connection. As soon as you responded, he thought he'd got you, so started negging you. The idea is to make you desperate for him so he feels good and like he's in control. Now you've pulled back, he wants to draw you in again, so he'll start being nice and flirty.

I wouldn't bother texting him. You don't want to give him any kind of opening with you. He'll just mess with your head - he's already messed with your head after just one date. Block and move on.

This 100% You've seen this, good for you OP
Daisy1245 · 02/11/2021 22:20

Ive just had this happen to me too. Accept we saw each other more often. He initiated kiss and cuddles in bed. Then just completely friend zoned me. Really liked him and he was so into me before. Then ice cold romantically. Never had it happen before and honestly took me couple weeks to work out it was just because I didn't have sex with him I think.

DuchessOfDisaster · 02/11/2021 22:30

@Hetyanni

He deserves a good ghosting after the bonfire night reply.
He deserves being the Guy Fawkes!
rooarsome · 02/11/2021 22:35

That message is great OP. He sounds like a player.

TowandaForever · 02/11/2021 23:02

I think your message was really good.

Be Interesting to see how he responds.

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