He said I don't deserve him and the bottom has fallen out of my world

[holymoly678]

A few weeks ago I made contact with my estranged mother - we haven't spoken in 6 years. I was worried about the impact on my kids and particularly when she is gone.
Yesterday I made the mistake of broaching to my husband maybe I could invite my parents for Christmas dinner. She's not been good to him at all the last 6 years and I appreciate it was a stupid idea to come away with after all this time.
The fall out has been catastrophic. He's been brutally honest about how he feels about me and our relationship and has said that it is over. Lots of examples of how poorly I've treated him, things I've done in the past. He said I haven't cared enough to make any changes to be a better person. He's told me I don't deserve him.

He is right.
He's going to come back to me in a few days to let me know "what happens next".

Do I stay out his way until then? Do I make an exit plan to make it easier?
I don't want to hurt him anymore.

OP, I don’t think it’s you. It’s him. I hope you can come to see that and break free.

[quote beautifulview]@dramalessllama that’s horrific. Did you split with him? How is your life now?[/quote]
Yes, my divorce was finalized in September. I initially had posted on here seeking advice (under a name change) and everyone said the same thing - he was controlling, emotionally abusive, and showed narcissistic traits.

Since then, I bought my own slice of paradise in the mountains and sold my house. I am truly free and I love my life!

Thanks for asking.

How are you today OP?

@Vanishun hello there, all good, had plenty of rest and feeling strong. Plan to continue by not engaging and going about my business until the dust settles and I can be better placed to plan. I've read lots and written lots and feel much better equipped.

Glad to hear you're feeling stronger OP. Whatever your own issues you're doing the right things, you're not responsible for his emotional wellbeing. Only your own. Good luck

Mmmmm. I'm not sure that you have done 'wrong'. If he cannot articulate what the issue is and responds like this then you are better off without him.
I think you might be really better off out of this relationship.
The mother stuff - generally if there has been drama enough to go NC for 6 years I'd take that as a sign that thats a healthy place to be. I'd stay NC with her but not for him, for you.

Really glad to hear that OP. Hope things turn out well for you

@holymoly678

There's nothing more that I haven't disclosed. What I said about my mum yesterday was earth shattering for him. And he says I often say stupid things without thinking. As I said earlier, I'm not sure given the same circumstances I wouldn't do it again. He was drinking through yesterday's marathon. He's not a bully. I think what he wants from me I am incapable of. He wants 100% harmony, agreement, tolerance. For me not to say the things that then create the drama, to read his cues and know its the wrong thing to say. I'm not capable. I have taken myself to the limit of self improvement and I'm not sure where to go next or what to do next. This is not me being a victim, this is how I see it. I'm not living up to his standards, he doesn't deserve me, no matter how it is cut that is how he feels and that is what I have to respect.

I was thinking it could go either way till I read this. 100% harmony, agreement, tolerance is impossible, he wants you to be so small in the relationship you have no wants or needs or voice. The above and below quotes say that really clearly. For me not to say the things that then create the drama, to read his cues and know its the wrong thing to say. I'm not capable.