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Original poster

Monthly Allowance from DH??

124 replies

Kitewatcher · 30/10/2021 17:08

Hi
I am in my late 20s and will be giving up my job soon as my DH has just got a new job in a new area where it might be difficult for me to get another job. This will be the the first time that I will have no income of my own coming in.
How should I handle this situation? Should I expect DH to give me a monthly allowance to spend as I wish; he is going to pay all the household bills. If so, what is reasonable to ask for?
What have others done in a similar situation?
BTW we have no children yet.
TIA

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 30/10/2021 17:29

Just don't do this OP. It's madness

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/10/2021 17:30

Op said “it might be difficult for me to get another job”

She didn’t say she could not get a job in the new area and it’s not even a certainty that getting another job would even be difficult.

GoodnightGrandma · 30/10/2021 17:31

I think this is a wind up.

category12 · 30/10/2021 17:34

What about your national insurance contributions and pension funding? You're only in your 20s but you should still consider this.

Have you really thought this through? You're making yourself dependent on a man and risking your long-term future and basic employability, not to mention chances of career progression.

Is the intention that you will look for work in the new area or is it that you're moving countries or something? Or are you choosing to be a housewife?

JudgementalCactus · 30/10/2021 17:36

Don't do it, just don't become totally dependent on a man. Ever.

sweetkitty · 30/10/2021 17:36

As someone who gave up a well paid career to stay at home and have DCs I also say don’t do it. I was lucky I have a good DH who never once made me feel like a kept woman, his wages were our wages, he always said he felt happier knowing I was at home with the DC than they were at as childminder/nursery so for that we had to have one income. If I felt like a kept woman I told him I would have been out to work and he would be paying childcare fees.

Anyway once the DC all went to school, I went back to uni and retrained in a different career and am now back working full time. It was a huge gamble DH could have walked away at any time leaving me with the DC and no career.

I would look for potential jobs in the area or retraining before even thinking of moving.

Embroidery · 30/10/2021 17:37

If you insist on not working you must insist on full transparency of his income and of outgoings.
Its very easy for men to hide all this. My ex did and they financially abuse you easily by keeping you in the dark.
Or
I suppose if you must play the 50s stereotype I would consider:
He pays:
All bills, mortgage, all house fixing appts, food, petrol, car and gives you £400 per month spending money, and a credit card for house purchases /furniture. Credit card paid off in full every month with no quibbles.. I would also want all beauty / hair appts on credit card not out of my £400. I would also want clothing purchases on credit card not out of my £400.
He pays for holidays but you both decide.
He doesnt get to control anything or control any decisions.

Im getting carried away...but even with all of above I dont know if it'd be right for me.

JSL52 · 30/10/2021 17:42

Just get a job in the new location.
In the meantime get an extra debit card for his account if you don't have a joint account.

Crankley · 30/10/2021 17:43

Effectively you would be left to do all the household drudge and in return he will give you pocket money.

Why would you do this?

girlmom21 · 30/10/2021 17:44

Don't move until you have a job to go to. If he needs to go first he can.

girlmom21 · 30/10/2021 17:45

@Embroidery £400 separate to him paying for all clothes and haircuts etc? Why? How does that make any sense?

We also don't know how much he earns.

To be fair to you though, if my DP insisted I give up work he better be earning enough to be able to give me £400 a month Grin

Animood · 30/10/2021 17:52

Loads of jobs are remote now. Why not look for a remote job then you can work wherever you are.

Don't give up work and rely on him. Insanity.

Patapouf · 30/10/2021 17:56

First of all I wouldn't be agreeing to give up my job in your circumstances.

But, and this stands if you both bring income into the pot as well as if it's just one of you, money should be shared. This means after all bills and outgoings are paid whatever is left over should be 50:50.

excelledyourself · 30/10/2021 18:00

No, no, no.

Get a job. Any job!

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 30/10/2021 18:01

Are you moving abroad where you can't work for visa/ qualifications not recognised reasons?

This seems a strange scenario otherwise - but either way surely there need to be a lot of conversations between the two of you about whether he takes the job, if taking it effectively means you lose your income.

How do you feel about this massive change?

What have thd conversations between you led to so far? Have you agreed mutually to live on one income and prioritise his career? If so have you talked about him paying into a pension for you so you're not screwed that way?

MissBPotter · 30/10/2021 18:08

Agree I woyld look for a remote/ home based job if there are none in your new area. Would be interested in the reasons for moving purely for dh’s job? How close will you be to family? Are you going to get anything out of this move?
Would also say that an allowance is rather old fashioned and would prefer a joint account approach, family money etc.

FinallyHere · 30/10/2021 18:08

Work out a budget for spending together

Joint account

Savings and pension/NI contributions in each name.

Start looking for a job right away. What do you do now? Do many more things can be done WFH now, you can afford to widen the areas you look.

Hope you get a job soon. What are you going to do all day? Will he continue to do his half of the household chores. If nothing, how will you avoid becoming his skivvy?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2021 18:10

Absolute madness.

Viviennemary · 30/10/2021 18:12

I couldn't stand having an allowance. It would be like getting pocket money when you were a kid. No thanks. Joint account or nothing in these circumstances.

AgentProvocateur · 30/10/2021 18:13

Don’t do this. It’s utter madness.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 30/10/2021 18:15

This sounds like a very risky idea. What will you do all day? You're making yourself very vulnerable.

And surely if you have talked this through with dh, you've talked through the options and agreed what you will do? You must do this straight away.

I advise you to keep your job and move somewhere you can both access your jobs. Crazy otherwise.

EezyOozy · 30/10/2021 18:17

If you're married get a joint account so you have equal access to money. Then get a job ASAP after you've moved.

BunNcheese · 30/10/2021 18:18

Interested to know OPS update! I'm with the others Shock

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 30/10/2021 18:19

Like fuck would I give up work!

What's his view on it?
If he is expecting you to throw your job away for his convenience then he should consider everything he earns as joint and you should have equal access to it and not be made to feel like you're spending 'his' money.

Also, what about your pension? If you are giving up your job for him then he should pick up your pension payments.

Georgyporky · 30/10/2021 18:25

I had to check the date on this post.

Sounds more like 1951.