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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dealing with a relentless bully at work

83 replies

Badgerand · 27/10/2021 13:14

Hi all, just looking for advice on a bully in the workplace before she comes back from leave. What do they actually want? This woman complains whatever I do, if I train her and give her everything I can to help she complains and reports me for trying to be her boss, if I don't then I'm inadequate and not helping her purposefully. I actually felt close to some kind of mental breakdown over it. Constant reports even though we are the same level, constant gossiping about me and pitting co-workers against me. Comments about a mild disability humiliating me in front of other staff members even though we work with sensitive data to do with disabilities. I feel like this woman absolutely hates me but I haven't done anything to her. Anyone shed any light, any former bullies, what do you actually want?

OP posts:
YoureTheTop · 27/10/2021 13:18

Keep a record of everything and speak to HR

Ceriane · 27/10/2021 13:24

I went through a similar thing last year, and it really affected me. Keep a log of everything and go to HR, any evidence in writing ie emails will help, and go sooner rather than later.

Original poster
Badgerand · 27/10/2021 13:25

I have, I have spoken 3 times to my line manager and they deal with it by having meetings behind my back and blaming me for the situation.

OP posts:
YoureTheTop · 27/10/2021 13:29

Have you been to HR?

Newwifeatnumber10 · 27/10/2021 13:31

It sounds horrible and for your one MH I’d start looking for a new job. As a HR professional I’d say they’re limited to what they can do and sacking the bully will be a long drawn out process even if they decide to pursue. Get out for your own sake. Good luck.

Pinkbonbon · 27/10/2021 13:32

She's a sociopath or similar. It's very common unfortunately. If one workplace is free of them you can guarantee the next has two. And they want to destroy you. It's that simple and that terrifying unfortunately.

Considering your boss has been useless, I think it's time to go unfortunately op. These sorts can be fought if you get to hr early enough and hr are good at what they do. But it sounds like you've lost this one.

Find another job and get put before she comes back. Otherwise this goes one if two ways - 1 you have a nervous breakdown and quit without notice so no good reference. 2. She finds a way to get you fired.

Bluebells34 · 27/10/2021 13:36

Are you in a union?

Lunificent · 27/10/2021 13:39

I think, in your situation, I would leave. If they’re siding with her and having secret meetings you may be better off in a new situation.

2boysDad · 27/10/2021 13:43

Sometimes you just have to accept that the world, and in particular the world of work isn't fair.

If the management have her back and not yours then you know where you stand.

If I were you I would get out ASAP - no job is worth risking your health.

Good luck, I hope things work out.

ErickBroch · 27/10/2021 13:55

How are they blaming you? I would suggest joining a union ASAP. You can have representation at meetings and support.

Bookworm20 · 27/10/2021 14:02

Report everything to HR, repeatedly.

Your employer has a responsibility to you so that you can do your job without harassment or bullying. Log every single conflict or episode with HR, however petty. If your employer does not take appropriate action and try to put things in place to stop to it you can take them to a tribunal as they are not protecting you sufficiently in the workplace despite knowing about whats going on. This includes if you feel you cannot work there any more and end up walking out of your job. (constructive dismissal). You can seek free advice from someone at the citizens advice bureau and you do not need a lawyer to do this.

I have no idea why people do this. They feel inadequate themselves and try to belittle other people? Who knows. Perhaps she is just one of life's nasty people but you shouldn't have to put up with it when you're at work.

Bluebells34 · 27/10/2021 14:05

ACAS is a good organistaion to contact
www.acas.org.uk/dealing-with-workplace-problems

You should not have to feel you need to leave your job because of bullys

Ellieraincloud · 27/10/2021 14:08

I had this - she even threatened me with termination due to pregnancy related sickness.
I kept firing back, professionally and then got legal involved as I'd had enough. Don't hear a peep anymore.

Rosemaryandlemon · 27/10/2021 14:12

People bully for lots of reasons. It’s impossible to say why she is doing this to you. It’s relevant. You can’t control what she does. You can control how you respond.

My advice:

Write every incident down in a diary. Keep any emails etc.

Once you have a critical mass report to HR.

Look for a new job. Yes you shouldn’t have to leave, but honestly you aren’t going to be supported so get out.

Original poster
Badgerand · 27/10/2021 14:26

The way I have been blamed for causing it is that I cause 'atmospheres' and that I haven't trained her enough. Yes I am in the union. I have a log of it all 2 years worth.

OP posts:
fibeee · 27/10/2021 14:27

My advice would be just to look for a new job. I’ve been in 2 difficult situations in the past like this in the workplace that destroyed my confidence and almost had me signed off on stress. My only regret is not leaving the jobs sooner.

Original poster
Badgerand · 27/10/2021 14:30

I feel like I don't want to leave as I don't want a bully that talks about people with disabilities to remain here dealing with the work we deal with. But I know for my own sake I have to.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 27/10/2021 14:40

@Badgerand

I feel like I don't want to leave as I don't want a bully that talks about people with disabilities to remain here dealing with the work we deal with. But I know for my own sake I have to.
Yeah there's no medals in life for martyring yourself op.
ErickBroch · 27/10/2021 14:49

You're in a union and have logged everything, time to contact them OP. They will help you with each step. You've got this!

HazelBite · 27/10/2021 15:07

I had this in one workplace and it got so bad that I resigned before I had another job to go to!
I complained to the manager, who was buddies with her, and was "told off" for my attitude. I went on to have a much better job with really nice colleagues. TBH I never thought I would be a victim of bullying, but I later found out she had form, and after I left they had countless new members of staff to work with her, each one only lasting there a short while.
I felt it wasn't worth all the aggro of taking issue with it through official channels.

beautifulview · 27/10/2021 15:42

Go to the Union. Speak to a solicitor who is an expert in employment law. Go legal. If you’re leaving anyway then why not. Why can’t they put her somewhere else so you don’t interact?

Original poster
Badgerand · 27/10/2021 15:55

Yes she has form for it (causing fights at work) but was still taken on for the role, who would I speak to about that, HR?

OP posts:
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 27/10/2021 16:02

Just leave, life’s too short and you won’t defeat a sociopath. Feel sorry for them, they’ll never be happy.

Franca123 · 27/10/2021 16:13

I have encountered 4 people who I would say were bullies at work and I was in the line of fire. It's really impossible to win in this sort of situation. I really feel it's best to move or to leave before it effects you too badly. These people are adept at keeping their behaviour just within the limits. Only a couple of times have a seen managers tackle this type of behaviour effectively. Most managers can't or won't stick their necks out.

Babyghirl · 27/10/2021 16:34

@Badgerand
Dobt leave your job request a meeting with her and hr, tell her and hr at the meeting with a union representative with you how she has made you feel and the way forward is no contact at all with her stand your ground hate bullies good luck. 💐