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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dealing with a relentless bully at work

83 replies

Badgerand · 27/10/2021 13:14

Hi all, just looking for advice on a bully in the workplace before she comes back from leave. What do they actually want? This woman complains whatever I do, if I train her and give her everything I can to help she complains and reports me for trying to be her boss, if I don't then I'm inadequate and not helping her purposefully. I actually felt close to some kind of mental breakdown over it. Constant reports even though we are the same level, constant gossiping about me and pitting co-workers against me. Comments about a mild disability humiliating me in front of other staff members even though we work with sensitive data to do with disabilities. I feel like this woman absolutely hates me but I haven't done anything to her. Anyone shed any light, any former bullies, what do you actually want?

OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 29/10/2021 12:42

Can you raise a grievance against her for all the reasons stated and include in that you feel unsupported in the issue by your own LM.

SandAndSea · 29/10/2021 13:10

In my experience, there was a whole team and a culture which supported the bad behaviour. I regretted not leaving sooner. If you stay, you could have a lot more wounds to heal in the future, which takes time. It all eats away the happy life you could be having instead.

Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 13:16

@YoureTheTop no but visible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 13:19

Well the consensus is to leave but I just don't want to leave someone else to go through what I went through and also not happy with leaving when I have built my job up for years and to have someone here for a short time and mock the people I work for with health issues and not care about the service we provide for them makes me very angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 13:19

Thanks everyone for the replies.

OP posts:
YoureTheTop · 29/10/2021 13:26

If they are mocking you for your disability and the company isn't doing anything about it, you definitely need to get the union involved.

HR are there for the company's benefit, not yours but if an employee is mocking people with disabilities, HR will want it stopped.

It definitely sounds like bullying

Wombat49 · 29/10/2021 13:44

That's very brave. But you'll have to step up your protection, find allies & involve unions, etc.

Just keep an eye on your MH. Nothing is worth having a breakdown over.

FleasInMyKnees · 29/10/2021 13:53

It sounds a toxic place with a useless and bullying manager and colleague. You could take out a grievance against them both, your line manager should deal with this in a professional and fair way not take sides. If you want to stay I would speak to your union and ask for a meeting to be set up with colleague and line manager, hopefully the union rep will know the procedure. Is it a large organisation or a charity. Is there a HR department and occy health you can speak to and a regional manager above your line manager. Bullying and mocking someone with any form of disability is a massive issue that the company should not tolerate if they have any sense.

Twocrabs30 · 29/10/2021 13:55

My previous manager had 9 previous complaints of bullying against her when I raised my complaint. Nothing happened with my complaint, she remain supported by management and I still have PTSD from that experience. It was only on the 16th complaint of bullying from a latter employee that a finding was finally made against her. That hasn’t however stopped her from being promoted since then.

Some workplace cultures permit and encourage bullying behaviour. While your instinct is to fight it - as mine was - you really could come out worse for wear. Some disputes aren’t worth fighting notwithstanding their merits if you see the personal cost and impact on you.

You will become further ostracised in your workplace, you may end up with a significant sick leave record when it all becomes too much, find it difficult to move on to another job, etc. The laws re constructive dismissal are really very unjust and in the employers favour and will provide you with little compensation if the fall out heads in that direction.

For a million reasons, it is better to hold your head high and choose a positive course of action involving looking for a new workplace with a culture that doesn’t tolerate such bullying behaviour then getting into a scrap fight with a bully and employer, to seek to improve their internal standards and practices.

Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 13:56

It's a large organisation with Occupational health.

OP posts:
FleasInMyKnees · 29/10/2021 14:03

Occy health might be a good place to start, they helped me with my revolting bully two faced boss, you can self refer and make sure your meeting is kept confidential . Your union rep may also be happy to go with you. Dont discuss this with anyone else, you cannot trust colleagues, everyone is just looking out for themselves and healthcare seems to be the most uncaring work environment t I have ever come across.

Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 14:07

Okay thanks everyone and sorry to everyone else that has been through anything like this.

OP posts:
DaisyNGO · 29/10/2021 14:10

[quote Badgerand]@LemonadeLimes Our line manager has a pitting against formula of managing so not easy to deal with, also has some kind of personal dislike to me has used me as a scratching post in the past mocking me in front of the team. So I felt reluctant to ask for help again.[/quote]
Sorry to say it
But was she hired to help push you out?

FleasInMyKnees · 29/10/2021 14:11

When I was being bullied and felt very stressed my g.p signed me off for a week while I thought about what I wanted to do I needed some time away from the place to gather my thoughts.

Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 15:20

@DaisyNGO I have wondered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 15:29

I mean to add to that yes, how does a person, known for violence at work (same huge organisation) get rehired?

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 15:29

hit enter too soon sorry, rehired in the same big organisation?

OP posts:
DaisyNGO · 29/10/2021 15:41

@Badgerand

I mean to add to that yes, how does a person, known for violence at work (same huge organisation) get rehired?
They know the right people I am sorry but it sounds like the best thing is to walk away Ideally see if you can get them to pay you to walk away....
Becky274 · 29/10/2021 16:15

Oh I had this for about 2 years. Luckily she left but as another poster said in hindsight I can see she actually did it as she felt threatened and inadequate herself. Hope you’re ok OP, it really does take a toll on your mental health and I felt embarrassed about the whole situation at the time. I have no advice as like I said she finally left but take some comfort in knowing it absolutely is a reflection of how she feels about herself.

Original poster
Badgerand · 29/10/2021 16:20

@Becky274 I'm really sorry, it's a horrible situation especially if you're in a small team or just 2 of you. I had been bullied a bit at school as I had to have a fair bit of time out due to surgeries and all sorts but I was pretty tough and had a good group of friends. I never thought as a 40 odd year old woman I would be dealing with a bully and feeling sick over it like I have. It really ground me down.

I think she is deeply unhappy as she seems to constantly be involved in disputes and fights outside of work over strange things. I can see the root of it all as it sounds like she had a traumatic childhood (if it's true -w ho know) but I haven't had the easiest life either an I don't punish and report people etc.

Yes I know time to walk.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/10/2021 19:06

it was escalating to violence against my stuff at work

What on earth does this mean?? Shock

Original poster
Badgerand · 30/10/2021 13:11

@Puzzledandpissedoff too outing to say but damaged my equipment in a very violent way after telling me she would and then pretended she hadn’t when I reported it.

OP posts:
FlowerFlour · 30/10/2021 16:03

If she has been violent before, wrecked equipment and bullies a person with disabilities, then surely the company would want her gone, she's a liability. You say you work with personal data, does she abuse that? GDPR breaches are a hot topic now, if she's breaking confidentiality the company could be liable for huge fines.

Your manager is clearly useless so go over their head. Involve the union, HR and any whistleblowing methods you have (emails to directors etc.) Your manager is treating this as a personality clash right now and it isn't, she is poison. It may all come to nought and you'll have to find a new job anyway, but at least you'll go down fighting and have ample evidence for a future claim of constructive dismissal.

singingrainbow · 30/10/2021 16:21

File a grievance and mention it in your exit interview.
Sometimes, you're not a good fit for a company. In this case I would take it as complimentary, becuase both your manager and colleague sounds awful. Find a job elsewhere, where they will appreciate you.
You'll never change this workplace, so don't make yourself ill trying to.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/10/2021 19:00

Frankly she sounds deranged, Badgerand, and the manager isn't much better if they're enabling this

Like so many PPs I'd leave; I know you're worried about her effect on others, but you can't always solve everything for everyone and I'd put yourself first since nobody else seems to want to