Dealing with a relentless bully at work

[Badgerand]

Hi all, just looking for advice on a bully in the workplace before she comes back from leave. What do they actually want? This woman complains whatever I do, if I train her and give her everything I can to help she complains and reports me for trying to be her boss, if I don't then I'm inadequate and not helping her purposefully. I actually felt close to some kind of mental breakdown over it. Constant reports even though we are the same level, constant gossiping about me and pitting co-workers against me. Comments about a mild disability humiliating me in front of other staff members even though we work with sensitive data to do with disabilities. I feel like this woman absolutely hates me but I haven't done anything to her. Anyone shed any light, any former bullies, what do you actually want?

Put in a grievance. Keep it factual and evidence based. HR have a legal obligation to follow up and it will be put into the hands of a more senior manager to investigate and conclude. The outcome could be no finding / no action against bully (but it was a shot across the bow??) or agreement there’s an issue with follow up ranging from mediation between you to disciplinary process against the bully.

IME you can’t stop bullies. They enjoy what they do. If they’re prevented from doing one thing, they’ll start elsewhere. Have you looked into constructive dismissal?

Had this in workplace, roux environment, raised a grievance, other people agreed this woman had been allowed to get away with it for years as nobody had put their head above the parapet, grievance upheld but damage was done, I had lost respect for the whole environment, walked out one day and felt a weight had been lifted as I left it all behind, don’t stay in a job that affects you so badly, nothing is worth that

I was bullied by my manager a few years ago, I found the Union and acas unhelpful, we had no hr and the managers higher up turned a blind eye. I stuck it out as like you op I didn’t want her to win but in hindsight I should have left for my own mental health and well-being, I was made redundant in the end. Unfortunately bullying is not against the law so there seems to be a limit on what can be done, I hope this changes one day.

For roux read toxic

Not a bully, but as a union rep I have dealt with many bullying cases over the years. What the vast majority had in common was insecurity. The bully didn't feel powerful or confident in their own abilities, but disguised that by highlighting someone else's (real or imagined) shortcomings. They then used that as the excuse for their own lack of performance, because the other person wasn't being a team player.

The other scenario doesn't seem to apply here, to your case - that was ASD traits leading to bullying behaviour of a senior manager because the person's needs weren't being met, and the only way that the individual could deal with it was to repeatedly mention it, copying in more and more senior people each time, but in an aggressive and unprofessional way - those cases were very difficult because the ASD person generally had a point but was expressing it badly, and the manager got sympathy from the bosses even though they were being crap towards their direct report. Thankfully those type of cases are getting fewer and far between as more people understand neurodiversity.

I recommend keeping dates and times of things in a record, along with any witnesses. Keep any emails or screenshot of Teams messages that are bullying in nature.

Ugh posted too soon. Take your bundle of evidence to the union, tell them exactly what has happened, who you spoke to and when, and what the outcome was. Mention the disability mocking - that's really serious. Tell your rep what outcome you want - is it an end to the bullying, a managed move (probably best option given your crap management) or something else? And then work with them closely. Good luck.

I dont know why they do it. In my case she was a sociopath and nothing was done about her.

If you are able to find another job and leave as soon as you can. I promise you this isnt normal behaviour.

If you cant leave, keep notes, speak to hr and the union and work on getting a transfer away from her. If you feel unwell go off sick.

When I was bullied it took me years to be well. Nip this now.