be honest, were you madly in love with the father of your dcs or did you "settle"?

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Done a name change here. I've been thinking about this a lot recently given unpleasant things going on in my life and friends' lives
I have some friends who married their dhs because they genuinely adored them, just like in the fairy tales. However, I have others who were in their mid thirties, wanted kids and decided to hitch their star to guys who - if we're honest - they would not have stood for a decade earlier. If I'm really truthful that goes for me as well, if I'd been with my dh aged 25, he would have got the boot after a couple of years, but because my clock was starting to tick I decided to stay with him and make the best of what we had and as a result we do have two beautiful dds whom I wouldn't be without for anything but I can't say we have the happiest marriage on the planet. But if I hadn't had babies with him I might have ended up like several of my friends who missed the boat entirely or are having IVF and are in a very bad place indeed. Plus, I've seen friends who married deeply in love become disillusioned over the years anyway and suffer terrible heartbreak when the man they married turned out to be not quite what they expected. Just wondering what anyone else thinks.

oh and thats 16 happy years out of 16

Madly in love. I just knew. I think when it's right people know. Despite the cliche. We're not obsessive or anything unhealthy and we say what we think and still love each other. i think it must be awful just settling for someone not perfect.

Madly in Love!

But I think that has to do with the fact that I had seen my parents divorce and didnt want to ever be part of something like that.

I still do - married almost 13 years, 3 kids, been through a lot together, and there are still regularly times I look at him adn think "I cant believe I got so lucky!"

madly with mad being the operative word!

I am amazed at all the 'good provider good dad nice person'relationships.It is possible to have all these and be madly in love I'm not sure I could cope with someone I respected bit didn't fancy teh pants off.

The same as JustSettled. I could of written that post myself.

I am in love with dh, do fancy him, AND settled as well, because we kind of had to, what with being pregnant 4 weeks after we met .

There've been some straight-up rotten patches and no doubt there are more to come, but the great times do make up for it.

But like Ilkboo I kind of 'settled' before, at 26 (thought I was extremely old at that age) and it was pretty disastrous for both of us. I wouldn't recommend it. TBH I would seriously look into going into a convent (especially the one near the South Coast where you wear a denim habit) before 'settling' again.

Madly in love.

He was supposed to be a one night stand... and now 8 years and 2 dcs later, we're still going strong. (One of the dangers of casual sex which is usually overlooked )

Noddy - but does 'fancy the pants off' mean the same thing as 'love'?

I think you can have respect/friendship/good co-parenting mixed with top sex - but not necessarily 'mad love'. Asin Fennel's e.g below.

Noddy, hats off to you if after children etc, you still fancy the pants off your dp. I fancy my dh but not madly and haven;t for years and I think for many people it's the same, lust is a temporary condition

I knew after a week or so that my DP would be the one to change my mind about marriage and children. He confirmed it when I stupidly told him this after a glass of wine or two, and instead of panicking he just kissed me more, aahhh those were the days.

DS is 7 weeks old now so we're in a bit of a phase (see: most of my posts on MN!) but I hope - and have a certain amount of faith - that we will be madly in love again.

I am trying to tell myself we need to ride this out and stick together, but there are times when I wonder what the hell I was thinking - that's normal, right?

Similar to Justsettled, although my first pregnancy wasn't planned, was a pleasant surprise.

Other than that, I feel exactly the same. To be perfectly honest, I can say I love him as he's a good father, but I've never been in love with him. Sad but true.

I mean fancy the pants off and be madly in love.I suppose I am just lucky that we both feel this way although I have ahd the other too.I lived with someone for 6 yrs but there was no fire just a humdrum day to day plodding along and although I loved him it wasn't the same.I would hate to think lust was temporary!We have been together 15 plus years btw

Hmmm well ds was distinctly unplanned but we are talking about the next one so something must be going right

We met in the first russian class of the first year of uni. Over the next couple of months if we bumped into each other in the street we would chat for up to an hour. Finally got together but split up towards the end of the uni year. He wasn't comfortable with forevers and I was having huge hormonal issues that it later turned out were pill related.

I was devastated but it turned oout it was for the best, I spent a year putting myself back together and realising quite how much of an effect the pill had been having and then he came back. I turned him down due to some daft need to stand on my own 2 feet for a while longer but when we did get together again we were both talking forevers and children

So very much in love.

I definitely settled, he was madly in love. Did pretty well but ultimately didn't last

Not madly in love though I was in the begining but definately in love and I definately didn't nor wouldn't settle

8 years ago when we met totally obsessively, passiinately, can't live without each other love.

Carried on like that for 6 years, very exhausting, very firey, very up and down!

Now 1 surprise dd later feel a bit like I've lost that man. I still love him but the stress and the responsibility have taken it's toll in a big way. I've adapted to it, he's struggled. He's still expecting the passion and the devotion but I've got other things on my mind.

However despite nearly divording on several occassions the thought of being without him makes me feel sick. But the traumas we've been through recently have put me off having another dc, at least for a fair while.

Hope and pray every day we get that feeling back again

madly in love

in fact like hatrick and peachy I left the man I thought I'd 'settled for' and called off the wedding.
I was only in my 20s so it wasn't the biological clock that had made me 'settle' though, just some misplaced notion of conventionality .

In love - like I never thought I would be. A traumatic pregnancy hardly seemed to take its toll. But having a child has. I have wanted to leave... but haven't, and am largley glad about that.

I was only 24 when we met though, he was 35, wanting to be settled, if not quite desiring fatherhood...

madly in love
HE was smitten with me & would do anything for me PRE CHILDREN

we were married for 3 yrs b4 kids then went down hill cos he was no longer no.1

now with bloke who am madly in love with AND he loves my DCs (and has custody of his own DD)

never thought Id find love again when H left as "who'd want woman in mid 30s with 2 kids under 4"
found him!!!

That's so fab M.Miggins I remember your "old" threads.. I'm so happy you have found Mr Right... give him a thumbs up from me!

I def didn't settle.

I left my fiance (mortgage, wedding date, dress, job, country, EVERYTHING) for my now DH. I am absolutely not proud of the overlap but I wouldn't change the outcome for the World, Universe and Everything.

well done nomdeplume I am a great believer in following your instinct and find the thought of 'settling' a bit of an insult tbh

what if your instinct was to settle?

madly in love.

but i had to wait a long time to find him.