My partner acts much older and irritates me 24/7

[Sportscoachdave50]

Hi,

my girfriend who is much older than me is constantly mentioning her age, and acts older than she is.

She is loud, and makes really annoying noises which make me angry, and she always knows best, always correcting me and doesn't seem interested in anything I say to her. She also never goes anywhere on her own, she has no friends to meet up with, she is a real life hermit and I have become one too since meeting her and living with her. When she ses her adult kids they laugh and chat for hours, but with me she says nothing and only laughs when she watches the TV.

I am autistic and she clearly struggles with that fact and makes it obvious she wishes that I was not autistic.

I don't know how to end it.

Any advice or suggestions would be really helpful, thanks.

H

@SportscoachWills50

Sparklfairy

Why comment if you only want to be ableist?

I am autistic, please take that into consideration before commenting, thanks.

I have taken it into consideration. Being autistic doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude and aggressive and then accuse people of being 'ableist' for calling you on it.

You clearly said 'any advice or suggestions welcome' yet attacked people her for saying things you didn't like.

I'm not sure exactly what advice you wanted?

@SportscoachWills50

Brightmagic, yes and no.

@Sportscoachdave50

namechange fail?

Wow. I have had contact with hundreds of people with autism (person first, not the condition, is that not right?) And none of them have used it as an excuse to be so rude.

If you aren't comfortable with communicating with the council, I'd hit up the National Autistic Society for some kind of assistance with navigating that. That would be the only way I could see the process of moving out being made easier. I'm responding only to the OP asking how to get out.

www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support

I don't know where you're located but it seems like they do things related to keeping autistic people in housing:

"The Directory helps autistic people, their families and the professionals who work with them to find local and national services. It includes residential, supported living and respite, employment support, diagnostic, schools and nurseries, social groups and leisure activities, solicitors and advocacy organisations."

It's pretty cold where I am right now, so if I get roasted for this, many thanks for your help with my heating bill.

NB: I appreciate that the world isn't set up for neurodivergent people but at some point we have to do some combination of crawling through what feels like shit to make a small amount of progress, and sometimes we need help to get where we're going.

Mumsnutter1234

You are a kind person.

Thanks.

Summer bluez

It's as you very well know, identity first language, please!

Autistic people, not people with autism!

No you do not know hundreds of autistic people, if you did you would be kinder.

Best of luck here.

Godmum56

If you have nothing helpful to add, please reply to someone else.

No you do not know hundreds of autistic people, if you did you would be kinder.

You haven't been very 'kind' yourself OP.

Spraklfairy

you came onto my thread to mock me,

Please go away.

Please note, you don’t set the rules on who can reply here and how. If you tell people off, they may become irritated with you and not want to help you. People are genuinely trying to help.

Hey, thank you, Coach. I was trying to be practical and I hope it helps. Life can be extremely difficult but the good thing is that there are people who want to help.

I hope it works out, whatever that looks like. Not being comfortable in your home is terrible and I wish you the best, whether that's moving or working things out with your partner.

Teastory

you didn't need to comment.

bye.

I’d love to hear your girlfriend’s thoughts on the relationship.

When did it change from ‘people with autism’ to ‘autistic people’? The latter was certainly deemed offensive up until very recently. Person first, not condition. I’d hate to be called a Bipolar Person for eg.

@SportscoachWills50

Teastory

you didn't need to comment.

bye.

That’s exactly what I mean. I have expended mental energy to help you, and you are acting as though you are an authority over me and I feel irritated by that.

I think a PP’s suggestion to contact the NAS is a good one. If you are unable to sort new housing yourself, you will need to find someone who will help you do it or do it for you. You could also google “adult autism services in [your location]”.

Sparklfairy

I asked you to go away.

You are showing your ableism.

bye!

@SportscoachWills50

Sparklfairy

I asked you to go away.

You are showing your ableism.

bye!

As someone said upthread, you don't get to decide who comments and who doesn't.

@SportscoachWills50

VanCleefArpels

you need to read up on autism before asking about medical support, autism doesn't nee medical interventions, it isn't a health condition, and is a lifelong disability.

I struggle with communication, but nowhere did I say that I can't communicate.

Please get back to my OP, thanks.

You're being rude here OP. That poster is trying to help you. To a layperson "medical support" will include social care. If you can't cope with contacting your housing officer then you do need support. If you contact the council, explain that you are autistic (which is relavent because people with disabilities can get special measures) you have split up with your partner and need help finding somewhere to live, they will probably allocate you some sort of support worker to help with it all.

Having autism doesn't give you the right to be nasty and rude. I know a few individuals with varying degrees of autism and they don't speak to people the way you do.

There has been a lot of good advice on here and no 'ableist' comments that anyone can see. Rather than focus on being pedantic about the language posters use, maybe focus on the advice you have been given? It might help your situation. You partner sounds like she needs help getting shot of you if you speak to her this way.

You're alienating people with your attitude.

I am also autistic and it's only very recently that some people have decided what language is 'correct' around autism but it's just that - some people have decided. It's not inherently right or wrong. I still say people with autism occasionally as I am a person with autism myself. Does that make me 'ableist'? No of course it doesn't.

Policing language is not the priority here. Getting yourself sorted with somewhere to live is what matters.

The National Autistic Society has shut their helpline but if you contact the council and ask for an assessment of your care needs as you are an autistic adult then social services are obliged to do an assessment.

You should be able to do it all online/ by email. When I spoke to my local council I explained that I find using the phone really difficult so she spoke to me by email first until I was comfortable enough to speak to her on the phone.

My nephew is autistic and he just confirmed he prefers person with autism. As autism is not his sole identity. So there you go, you don't speak for all.
And I do not know hundreds of people with autism, you are right. But I have worked with well within hundreds during a 12 year career and will continue to do so.

Dump her and get out of the relationship. It’s no way to live and you deserve better.

For the record I did say “medical or other support”

Something prompted you to post here looking for advice and/or support. I and many others have offered that to you and suggested things that you can do or think about doing to improve your obviously sad situation. You have responded with not picking about language and outright dismissal.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. I urge you to seek support and help - if nothing else the past 18 months have taught us that life is too short, we should try to maximise our own happiness.