Husband called me a ‘complete joke’

[Changernamerjoker]

No back history of relationship to make it just about this.

On holiday - restaurant calls us a taxi, and says to walk up to road a bit (said in the Spanish language that husband is better at than me) we are with our kids 8 and 3.

I suggest that the taxi will likely be at the closest road so maybe we turn shortly after restaurant. Husband says that the direction meant ‘large square and the tiny roundabout I suggested wasn’t large sq’

So we walk on. And on and on. It becomes clear it probably was the little road right by the restaurant but husband is in a complete huff and won’t turn back. He says maybe I was right (after having been a bit condescending to me) and i say ok, maybe maybe he shouldn’t be so condescending.

He then responds with ‘you are a complete joke do you hear yourself?’ And storms off.

I’m left to look after the kids for the afternoon whilst he goes to a bar. Texts and apology but hasn’t spoken to me properly in about 24 hours.

Is he being a pig and what do I do?

Definitely a pig.

To add. This was in front of our kids.

He's being a pig.

I don't know what you do. Definitely not apologise. Also, do not get into it when he eventually comes back, having stoked up his anger with a nice bit of dutch courage.

Carry on enjoying your holiday with the kids as much as possible?

Sounds like a child

Of course he’s being a pig. In a relationship you are meant to lift your partner up, not drag them down.

His fragile male ego is hurting because he can’t admit that you were right. Leave him to his mantrum and go about having fun with your kids.

When you get back have a serious think about your relationship. He sounds controlling and abusive to give you the silent treatment, I’m guessing he has previous got this type of behaviour?

You sound like you were both in a bad mood at having to wander about looking for a taxi? If you'd been in a better mood, would either of you have been less irritable with one another?

He's maybe a bit embarrassed for being so dogmatic and not listening to your obvious common sense. He'll calm down. Maybe he wanted to impress with his Spanish skills and it all went a bit wrong!

So he's abusive when he's proven wrong/males a mistake.

And in front of your children too.

And now he's not speaking to you.

And hes left you with full childcare on holiday.

You have to if and how someone like that changes and stays changed.

In the meantime I'd be telling him you are not speaking to him (including any setvuce of any type you do for him) until.he apologises for his verbal.abuse, abd apologises to the kids for speaking to their mother like that abd for his behaviour.

Then he can look after kids on his own tm make up for your solo.childcare on holiday due to his flounce.

Bet he won't do those things though.

Ha ha this is actually
Very sweet. I wish this was the case but I absolutely doubt it. This is a man with a big job and no need to impress anyone. Especially me. He generally treats me like an idiot but I didn’t want to give that sort of back history (which I guess I bow have a bit) as I wanted to see comments based on this exact situation.

I did ask him not to be so condescending so maybe I was asking for it?

*you have to wonder if ..

That's a pretty horrible, derogatory generalised bit of verbal abuse too - I have to say I'd have saud "there only one person looking or sounding like a joke here, abd it's you".

Big job.

Does he think he can treat you like shit and act how he likes because you're dependant/part-time/ lower earner?

You're married. If get yourself to a good divorce solicitor and start working put your potential finances separated. Citizens advice are good for calculating maintenance, benefits etc. See where you stand.

You'll hsce to get a forensic accountant if he hides money.

You sound ground down. Listen to yourself - you are asking if you were “asking for it”! No one asks to be verbally abused, it was choice to speak to you in that way.

He’s verbally abusive to you on a regular basis by the sound of it. He’s got you doubting yourself (gaslighting). Are you a SAHM by any chance, or in a financially weaker position at least?

His behaviour has some of the hallmarks of coercive control. Have a read of this and see what sounds familiar, and then reassess whether you want to stay with such a man - think about the relationship template you are imprinting on your children.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

You have to weigh up if it's worth taking his verbal abuse and derogatory attitude (and your kids seeing it) for the next x years.

Yeah, he’s a pig. My dad did this all throughout my childhood, go in huffs and not speak to us. For your children’s sake, leave him. They don’t need to experience this dysfunction.

Was a six figure earner till feb. Went part time. Regret it.

A 'big job' doesn't give him the right to be rude to you. It doesn't make him more important than you, or allow him to behave in anything but a decent way.

You know that, right?

@Changernamerjoker

Was a six figure earner till feb. Went part time. Regret it.

Was it his suggestion by any chance?

It's an odd dynamic that he's so embarrassed by his mistake and frustration at you for being right that he acted out like that. More like a parental relationship rather than a marital one.

Not really actually. It was mine. I think he liked the idea of being the ‘bread winner’
But it’s changed the dynamic and not in a good way.

Most men do it as do women but for 24 hours - certainly a pig.
You sure nothing else going on ie him looking for reasons?

excuses I should have said

God how tiresome. Life is too short to spend it with an overgrown toddler.

So it was "your idea" but actually done to please him / stop him nagging at you about the wife work? Let me guess, it hasn't worked and he's now more critical of you than ever

Any chance you can go back to full time, or move to a new full time job? You’re obviously very capable to have such high earning capacity but he’s got you doubting yourself and you need to get yourself and that is never a good sign.