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Original poster

Husband called me a ‘complete joke’

80 replies

Changernamerjoker · 25/10/2021 17:32

No back history of relationship to make it just about this.

On holiday - restaurant calls us a taxi, and says to walk up to road a bit (said in the Spanish language that husband is better at than me) we are with our kids 8 and 3.

I suggest that the taxi will likely be at the closest road so maybe we turn shortly after restaurant. Husband says that the direction meant ‘large square and the tiny roundabout I suggested wasn’t large sq’

So we walk on. And on and on. It becomes clear it probably was the little road right by the restaurant but husband is in a complete huff and won’t turn back. He says maybe I was right (after having been a bit condescending to me) and i say ok, maybe maybe he shouldn’t be so condescending.

He then responds with ‘you are a complete joke do you hear yourself?’ And storms off.

I’m left to look after the kids for the afternoon whilst he goes to a bar. Texts and apology but hasn’t spoken to me properly in about 24 hours.

Is he being a pig and what do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 25/10/2021 17:59

@Wotsitsits

So it was "your idea" but actually done to please him / stop him nagging at you about the wife work? Let me guess, it hasn't worked and he's now more critical of you than ever
Bingo!
OP posts:
Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 25/10/2021 18:00

I can go back to work so this isn’t a worry for me too much. My marriage is…

OP posts:
PickAChew · 25/10/2021 18:03

@Changernamerjoker

Ha ha this is actually Very sweet. I wish this was the case but I absolutely doubt it. This is a man with a big job and no need to impress anyone. Especially me. He generally treats me like an idiot but I didn’t want to give that sort of back history (which I guess I bow have a bit) as I wanted to see comments based on this exact situation.

I did ask him not to be so condescending so maybe I was asking for it?

Asking someone to treat you with respect is not asking for him to treat you like shit. You shouldn't need to ask someone who is supposed to love you to treat you well, but, in those imperfect human moments where it turns out to be necessary, the appropriate response is not to storm off and be a pig.

It sounds like there are too many of those imperfect human moments, though.

SleepingBunnies21 · 25/10/2021 18:05

@Changernamerjoker

Was a six figure earner till feb. Went part time. Regret it.
Well that's still a good salary (outside London) and you can return to it.
Amdone123 · 25/10/2021 18:07

Yes he is a pig. And very convenient how he sloped off to a bar for the afternoon leaving you with the children.

girlmom21 · 25/10/2021 18:13

He's clearly a tosser but he did admit you were right then you make the comment about being condescending in front of the children so I don't think you can be too upset about him responding in front of the children.

The disappearing and silent treatment is a massive issue though.

Coffeeonmytoffee · 25/10/2021 18:14

I earn a fraction of what my husband does but you would never know it from how he treats me. He is just supportive and always respectful of me. As I am of him.
I hate men like your OH. Everyone makes mistakes but being in a huff about it for longer than a few hours (if that), not seeing the funny side or sulking are just appalling. He seems a real pain.
Let him stay in the bar. Go and have some real fun with your kids and he can fester.

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/10/2021 18:14

Ooh I think you know going pt was a mistake & now you’re the little haus frau with no intellect in his eyes.

You know what to do.

Lotusmonster · 25/10/2021 18:16

What a charmer he sounds. I don’t know what to suggest, the guys 100% man child. If something as minor as this de-rails him, I worry for your future together tbh.
Was the meal rubbish? Was he still hungry? Is he depressed or stressed out right now? Seems v v odd reaction to a minor incident.

Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 18:19

@Changernamerjoker

Ha ha this is actually Very sweet. I wish this was the case but I absolutely doubt it. This is a man with a big job and no need to impress anyone. Especially me. He generally treats me like an idiot but I didn’t want to give that sort of back history (which I guess I bow have a bit) as I wanted to see comments based on this exact situation.

I did ask him not to be so condescending so maybe I was asking for it?

So with this history, you are surprised by his behaviour?

Intially I thought and posted, is there to to that as most people on hols go on hols to mend things.

In my experience when arguments etc happen for small reasons and the one hlaf is blaming the other for almost everything and made up reasons there is much more to it, especially when on hols.

I hope I'm wrong but having read both of your posts again, you are a more reseliant women that I could ever be, good job or not.

FYI, my DH had a top flight job with excellent salary but he still feels to impress his parents and mine and nothing wrong in that but he does not and never did try to impress anyone lese even when he worked at Big Macs when he went to uni.

Emma2021 · 25/10/2021 18:24

Quote
"I earn a fraction of what my husband does but you would never know it from how he treats me. He is just supportive and always respectful of me. "

Incredible. My mum has never worked and looked after us and then their gandkids etc. My treats her with the utmost respect, care, love and never fails to surprise her with presents/hols and she spends money as she wishes but she is sensible and know what they can afford and what not to throw money away at.

Lotusmonster · 25/10/2021 18:36

Why doesn’t he go back full time rather than be home and throwing spiteful remarks about!?

TrufflesAndToast · 25/10/2021 18:38

The two basic principles that I strongly believe everyone should expect in a relationship are kindness and respect. Everything else stems from that. No one who is a decent person and loves their spouse would ever speak to them or treat them the way he does you. It sounds like you have the ability to support yourself-as a PP put it, life is too short for this. You get one life and your kids get one chance at a childhood. Is this all any of you are worth?

Cherrysoup · 25/10/2021 18:38

Do not apologise, he’s the one being an idiot. Go back to work full time, he can suck up the ‘wife work’ (parenting!) or fuck off. Are you better off with or without someone treating you in this manner?

FictionalCharacter · 25/10/2021 18:40

Of course you weren’t asking for it. His behaviour was awful.

He sounds like one of those men who just can’t bear to be wrong, so he’s lashing out. Stomping off and sulking for 24 hours is ridiculous though, he should have got over it in five minutes.

Fizzbangwallop · 25/10/2021 18:41

I’d say that your DH is a pig, but that’s insulting to pigs as they are very intelligent and sociable Smile

LaurenKelsey · 25/10/2021 18:44

I could have written this, OP. I was married for many long years to a man who had a very big job, a condescending attitude and was so serious and full of himself it was unbelievable. I don’t know how or why I put up with him all those years. I was obviously a big joke to him. Finally left him and life is so lovely without him and the feeling of being free is worth a million. Being treated that way does grind you down, you hide your feelings to keep the peace but it is stifling. It will never change, this is how life will be. Is it worth staying together?

LaurenKelsey · 25/10/2021 18:47

@Fizzbangwallop

I’d say that your DH is a pig, but that’s insulting to pigs as they are very intelligent and sociable Smile
Exactly! Pigs are very intelligent and sweet. 🐷
ProudAlly · 25/10/2021 18:47

I have a very big job. My DH does not. I do not treat him like shit and if I did I'd expect him to divorce me

Roselilly36 · 25/10/2021 18:49

So sorry you have been treated like that OP. My DH of 27 years has never, ever spoken to be like that, and I know he wouldn’t dream of it. I certainly wouldn’t stand for it either, mutual respect or nothing at all.

NataliaSerene · 25/10/2021 18:51

Tell him to go home early and you’ll stay on with the children since he obviously doesn’t see them as his responsibility and he doesn’t care if you are enjoying your holiday. It would be better without him.

Make a stink.

QueenDanu · 25/10/2021 18:51

Eurgh. OP, You'd be better off a single parent with your old ft job back.

pointythings · 25/10/2021 18:52

Yeah, you need to go back to working full time and then thinking seriously about the future of your marriage. This man doesn't respect you and never did. Honestly, you can do better.

AliasGrape · 25/10/2021 18:53

Who texted the apology, him or you?

It was an awful way to talk to you and behave in front of your children.

TokyoSushi · 25/10/2021 18:58

Oh a 'big jobber.' Sounds like an absolute twat and you'd be more than fine on your own OP.