Husband called me a ‘complete joke’

[Changernamerjoker]

No back history of relationship to make it just about this.

On holiday - restaurant calls us a taxi, and says to walk up to road a bit (said in the Spanish language that husband is better at than me) we are with our kids 8 and 3.

I suggest that the taxi will likely be at the closest road so maybe we turn shortly after restaurant. Husband says that the direction meant ‘large square and the tiny roundabout I suggested wasn’t large sq’

So we walk on. And on and on. It becomes clear it probably was the little road right by the restaurant but husband is in a complete huff and won’t turn back. He says maybe I was right (after having been a bit condescending to me) and i say ok, maybe maybe he shouldn’t be so condescending.

He then responds with ‘you are a complete joke do you hear yourself?’ And storms off.

I’m left to look after the kids for the afternoon whilst he goes to a bar. Texts and apology but hasn’t spoken to me properly in about 24 hours.

Is he being a pig and what do I do?

He thinks you're less intelligent than he is, that he's the clever one. When you get something right and he gets it wrong he's insulted by his take on the situation.

He has no respect for you I'm afraid.

This is a man with a big job…He generally treats me like an idiot.

This is a small man with a big job.

Your question about “asking for it” by requiring basic respect speaks volumes.

It is troubling that your children are watching you being devalued and abused by their contemptuous father. What a terribly unhealthy relationship model they are absorbing.

OP, how much longer will you tolerate this bully who enjoys diminishing you?

There's a thread running at the moment about men who simply cannot admit they're wrong. It's really unattractive.

When you talk to him about it - which I’m sure will happen tell him to keep his god damn ego in check! That’s all this is - hurt pride and him acting like a child. He knows it too, you can tell from his reaction. If he’d apologised and got over himself that’d be one thing but the whinging about it (silent treatment) is childish and should be challenged.

I stew for so long that he insulted me like this, I doubt I'd recover. I'd be such a fucking joke I'd laugh whilst leaving him. He does not respect you OP - if you can't tell he's made me cross on your behalf!

He's a twat. The logistics of you being on holiday may mean you have to bite your tongue for a while but this wouldn't be getting forgotten about - especially the silent treatment despite being in the wrong.

He doesn’t like you, he looks down on you.

Yeah he’s being a pig. He seems to have done a real number on you over the years if you are even questioning yourself on this. From what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like he has any respect for you and the reference to you being a joke kind of underlines that. I’m not sure I could come back from this, the rude comment in front of your kids and the petty strop (why is parenting all down to you by the way?) is bad enough but there’s obviously history of similar. Ughh. Sorry OP you need to stand up for yourself.

I feel outraged by you that you actually apologised th this prick. He was wrong and has compounded it by acting ikea a 2 year old. I would have a problem staying married to an idiot like this.

Oh come off it - people say stupid stuff when they are in a huff. It doesn't mean he is an arsehole unless there is a backstory

There is a backstory. OP states that he ‘generally treats me like an idiot.’

This awesome short video popped up on You Tube today about gaslighting and I watched it:

I'm sorry to say some of your thread reminded me of it.

Please watch and judge for yourself.

@flippertyop

Oh come off it - people say stupid stuff when they are in a huff. It doesn't mean he is an arsehole unless there is a backstory

Try reading all the comments. He's clearly a dick. A little man in a big job, who bolsters his ego by looking down on his wife.

OP, I think you should go back to full time, and then dump his pathetic arse.

For now, I think you need to talk to your children. Tell them you're sorry the evening turned out the way it did. Ask them how they're feeling. Don't try to carry on regardless, with a brave face.

For the future, go back to work.

Start thinking about the price you are willing to pay for your self esteem, and whether you want your children to see their father treat you badly on a regular basis.

Reminds me of holidays when I was a child. They were shit tbh.
My dad actually got in the car and left us at our rented apartment for 48 hours......
Don't let your kids have these sort of memories 😔

@flippertyop

Oh come off it - people say stupid stuff when they are in a huff. It doesn't mean he is an arsehole unless there is a backstory

You mean the back story the OP alluded to in her subsequent posts?

Well you know where you are now. He treats you like shit and now your children know he treats you like shit.

Go and see a lawyer when you get home and go back to work full time. Your marriage is dead.

i was married to a man like this for 20 years only I was the high earner and he was a failure. I nver made him feel like a failure but he literally did nothing except act like a know it all 24/7.
All those times he insisted we were going the right way and we hadn't been for miles, the refusal to ask for directions, the arguing black was white.
It was the biggest relief when he buggered off.

My husband used to this kind of stuff to me all the time. Whenever I would call him on something he would attack me instead and give me a silent treatment after. This kind of behavior seriously messed with my head. Afterwards, I would be so angry but also scared and confused, "am I supposed to apologize?" . We could never talk about anything like normal people, he was not able to apologize or change. Now he is my ex.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

i was married to a man like this for 20 years only I was the high earner and he was a failure. I nver made him feel like a failure but he literally did nothing except act like a know it all 24/7. All those times he insisted we were going the right way and we hadn't been for miles, the refusal to ask for directions, the arguing black was white. It was the biggest relief when he buggered off.

This is very similar to my marriage except he was earning more but I have more education then him. I was never bothered by it (otherwise I would not have married him), however it seems that he was. He always acted like he was above me, smarter, better, and would constantly put me down and make me feel small. In the end, I could not take it any longer and I called it off after twenty five years of marriage.

@Sparklfairy

There's a thread running at the moment about men who simply cannot admit they're wrong. It's really unattractive.

I don't know if it's just me but I feel like it's becoming more and more common, to the point it's actually most men now. It's like they jump through hoops and do mental gymnastics to be 'right' all the time, and if you prove that they're wrong, they either get angry, deflect and change the subject or (very rarely) admit you're right but don't reflect on why they assumed a woman was wrong.

@CecilieRose….most men! Stop it. That’s ridiculous man bashing on the back on one mans behaviour.

@Lotusmonster that's my experience.

Fine, let me change the wording.

Most men I meet are like this now. Not just dating, but through work, social activities, everything.

happy now?

@CecilieRose agreed, most men I meet (now) seems to take a kind of smug glee in being right, but a rather extreme reaction at being wrong. Whether its frantically googling to "prove" i couldn't possibly be right or getting angry/sulking.

Must be nice to wander through life being so blindly self assured.