Am I being unreasonable, I want him out

[Manchildisunattractive]

NC but been on here for over a decade.

I'm at the end of my rope with DP, he has huge debts and never has any money for days out, commuting to work, savings etc.

He does work but his past stupidity financially means he is paying a huge amount every month on his debt (nothing to show for it, he spent loans etc on trips to Amsterdam, golf holidays etc).

The finances are a huge source of stress for me as I am very sensible with money. We have a ds together who is 1, and I have two other dc. My dc adore him which is one reason why it's hard to ask him to leave.

His dm is also terminally ill, and I feel like such a bitch if I kick him out of my home at this time.

He is very lazy around the house and isn't respectful of my boundaries. He watches me in bed on the baby cam, caught him doing this several times. He is constantly checking my online status on social media.

His hygiene is pretty poor, he went 5 days without a shower last week then argued it was 'only' 4 days.

Last night I went to bed and fell asleep, I woke to a hand full of cum, he used me to pleasure himself whilst I was asleep and I feel violated, that this is the final nail in the coffin.

Am I overreacting? I ask as he always makes me feel like I blow things out of proportion

Disgusting.

So disgusting, that I doubt he's overly bothered about the situation with his mother. He sounds utterly self centred and self absorbed. Difficult to believe he gives a shit about anyone else, given what you've posted.

You feel bad because you are a normal human being. He's not.

Jesus Christ.

I thought you might be pondering whether to kick him out for leaving tea bags on the side or pissing on the toilet seat!! This is abusive behaviour and not acceptable no matter what his circumstances are

None of your dc benefit from having him around... Don't let yourself believe they need him.. They don't. And you certainly don't either... Tell him you need him gone by tomorrow...

You deserve so much better then this abusive cockwomble.

Get rid.

Are you asking if you should let a stinking, lazy, financially irresponsible sexual abuser continue to abuse you because his mum is dying?

Oh OP 😔 This guy is horrible, you don't deserve this.
Take the terminally ill mother out of it for a moment, he has been absolutely awful to you.
If this were your DD what would you be doing for her?
None of us on here can make you do anything of course but please listen to the other posters who are telling you clearly who he is.
If the house is yours (owned or rented) and he isn't on the lease (if you rent) have him move out.
Don't feel any guilt, focus on your kids and yourself.
All the best xx

Are you asking if you should let a stinking, lazy, financially irresponsible sexual abuser continue to abuse you because his mum is dying?

^This.

It's much better he goes now anyway than when he's in the middle of grief.

He's disgusting, make the sexual assault the last thing he ever does in your house and kick the fucker out. He has np respect for you

They'll always be something, for me it was my nana dying and us nursing her at home then after the funeral my mum was dx with cancer then a few months later my grandad had emergency heart surgery. All the time my exs behaviour was getting worse as he thought I'd never have the energy with everything else going on to kick him out

I did and it's the happiest we've all been, even the dc that are his. Now some other poor idiot is having to put up wirh his shitty behaviour

I would tell him to pack and leave now otherwise you'll be reporting him for sexual assault.

That's beyond grim.

Thankfully I own my home, he is not on the deeds. He has a dirty flat he can move into

Seriously?!
I came on to say you can break up with someone for any reason. Then I read your list. Every single one of those is a reason to break up. You even have cause to contact the police.
What positives is he adding to your life? Not a single one.

So his mother is dying. That's sad. He's still a terrible person. If you let him stay because his mum is dying you'll have another year (?) of being abused. Then you'll feel bad because his mother has just died. That's another year of your life gone.
You absolutely should throw him out today. Don't wait til after Christmas, that'll be the next reason he gives to stay

Don't doubt yourself about kicking him out OP. He is literal scum.

He is grim. And abusive. Have you confronted him at all?

Get rid for your sake and the sake of the DCs. Do not feel guilty about this.

You're under reacting. Get him out today and report him to the police for sexual assault for good measure. Disgusting man.

I don't want him kicking off in front of my dc, he also has no means to get his stuff from my house to his flat as he doesn't drive. I think I will see if someone can look after the kids and offer to deliver his belongings

He has his own place. Tell him to go now with what he can carry in a taxi and you'll arrange to get the rest dropped over.

Stop pandering!

Get rid of him OP. It's your house and he's got somewhere to go.

There will always be a reason not to do it.
You can't kick him out because his mother is dying.
You can't kick him out because of her funeral.
You can't kick him out because he's grieving.

Just do it now.

He's disgusting op, get rid.

Yeah see if ypu can get the children out the house then dump all his stuff round at his. That's what I'd do if it meant getting him out the house asap with as little fuss as possible

Has he even been contributing to your household while living there?

Sounds like a sexually abusing cocklodger.

I'm sure he has friends, get it all packed up and on the doorstep.
Do not go into his flat alone with him, you dont know what he will do.

Your poor kids.

Can you have someone collect your DC and take them out for the day? Then tell him to leave, keep your phone in your hand and be ready to call the police. Even better if you can have someone stay with you while you get him to leave.

You are definitely NOT over reacting! He is abusive, disgusting, lazy. What happened last night is really, really shocking. That's sexual abuse. He has zero respect for you.

How much time do you think he spends worrying about your feelings?

So why on earth should you worry about his?

Please do the right thing for you AND you children, and tell him to leave.

I really think you should have someone with you when you deal with him.

His mum dying is not connected to his treatment of you - you deserve better.

Throw him out, but do it with a plan. Ensure he has no access to your money, no access to the baby cam and no key to your house.

Put his stuff together (or at least enough for a week) and put it by the front door.

Have someone with you and have the dc somewhere else if possible. Then tell him he has to go. You don't have to tell him why as it will just open the door for begging / arguing etc. But if you want to, you could always say 'because you sexually assaulted me in my sleep.'
Either way, it's not a discussion, it's a decision and he'll just have to deal with it.

Good luck OP