Emojis

[cheeselover2021]

Just want to know if I'm over thinking this or if there is possibly something a bit odd. I was reading a post a while ago and someone said check the emojis on a partners phone.

Anyways, I have a gut feeling. DP does not often message anyone except me. Other people would usually be just odd texts, how are you, are you going to such and such etc. I have full access to his phone, he often leaves it laying around. He only has text message and whatsapp on there as far as know as messaging apps. No secrecy with our phones.

He always sends me the same emojis when we text, the little heart ones, and we text often. However a couple of months ago he accidently sent an emoji mixed in which was the 'phew' emoji. I didn't think much of it, but it seemed odd and he said he'd pressed it by accident. However unless it was in the recently used section, he'd have no way been able to scroll through and press that particular one by accident.

I know I sound like a loon right now, so bear with me.

It just sort of felt wrong. And as he doesn't text hardly anyone it had no reason to be in his recently used section. So I just thought must have been in there from a message a while ago or something and as he dosnt use emojis in any other messages as a rule, and only uses the same 2 with me mostly. So I just forgot it and thought I'm being an idiot here.

Then it happened again, with a different emoji a sad face one, accidentality sent. Definitely never has sent that to me before.

Like I said he has no issue with me on his phone. So recently I had a look at list of messages and nothing there except the normal, same with whatsapp. And none of them had any emojis in.

Still sounding like a loon I know.

So he went out the other night and messaged me, included the heart emojis and again, there was another one accidently clicked in his drunken state I expect. But my gut is just thinking, how are they in his recent list when he never sends them. And this one was not in the recent list when I was on his phone a few days before.

I then went out the next night, we texted as normal. No rogue emojis.

I get back yesterday and I just didnt feel right about this bloody emoji the other night. I think I'm losing the plot.

But I went on his phone for something and did a quick look at the emoji list in his recently used and there at the top are the 2 he usually sends, followed by 5 others in the space before the rogue one he'd sent me the night before. I did a quick test on my own phone and it puts them in that order of use. So basically it means he has sent 5 emojis between the rogue one to me the previous night and me looking at his phone. None were to me and looking at his text list and whatsapp which is always pretty sparse, none sent to anyone there either.

So am I going mad, overthinking this or does this point to him messaging someone, using those emojis inbetween our last texts but his phone shows he hasn't texted anyone.

For what its worth, the emojis were: A smily blushing face, a cry with laughter face, a waving hand, a huge grin smile face and an emoji of a person in a bed.

I mean, its just emojis. but the fact they have obviously been clicked on as they are in his most recent list and not sent to me or any other text in his messages or whatsapp is bugging me. Add to it the fact that the one he sent me accidently the night before is now way down the list, so these must have been more recently used than that one?

Any other explanations? I mean i have no issue him using emojis, but I'm thinking they must be being used and the messages either deleted or being used in another messaging platform? Or am I just losing the plot?

And I moved on.

It doesn't seem like it.

So anytime someone gets a feeling something not quite right they should just leave the relationship because of it?
I'd rather find out if my feeling is right before going down the whole, well obviously I don't trust him so I'll just end it regardless.

In healthy relationships if you feel something's not quite right you communicate with your partner about it. You don't go down crazy rabbitholes about emoji lists and you don't monitor their internet use as though you're in a detective show. In a healthy relationship it would never, ever even occur to you to check the last emojis your partner used. I can't emphasise enough how mind-boggling I find that. If a man was doing that to a woman he would correctly be called controlling, possessive and jealous.

100% trust? I'm not stupid, I know people have their trust broken by loved ones all the time. But like I said, trust isn't about a 100% guarantee and total proof of innocence - it's a choice.

I could be cheating on DP. DP could be cheating on me. There's ample space and time in our lives for it. Neither of us are stupid, and I'm fairly sure we could hide it from each other fairly easily. Trust is about a life where you don't feel compelled to check this or suspicious that opportunity will equal infidelity. It's a mental choice for your own benefit because do you actually enjoy feeling paranoid about your relationships?

OP - you can’t both be ‘prone to overthinking’ and ‘right 100% of the time, when gut speaks’. It’s mutually exclusive.

But I can see you are highly strung and jumpy. So - I am sure in the early phase of a relationship - the mere fact of communication with an ex is a crime in your book. Regardless of what that communication is about. Of course - at that point - he had known her for a lot longer and maybe they had something unresolved; maybe he felt guilty and wanted to support her; maybe they had common friends; or were still untangling their lives. Who knows why they needed to talk.
You, of course were territorial and on guard, and that is why this seemed so big for you.
So I see no issue with him deleting the messages back then - given how you are. Who needed the aggravation.
And you were not yet in a committed relationship yet.

Thing is with people who are prone to paranoia like this is that there will always be something. You may resolve this particular ‘crisis’ with checking his web history. And for a while you’ll be OK.
Until next time your insecurity flairs up and you’ll see something and your mind will go racing. And the cycle will continue.
If you are constantly on the lookout for something - you’ll see it everywhere.

At least - if this current flair up comes to nothing - please adjust your misguided belief that you have a gift of foresight.

You could choose blind trust, which is faith, really. But I think most of us here operate in the same way the world works today, which is evidence-based. You can spend years trusting someone who could be cheating on you, and the evidence is there, you just haven't noticed it, nor looked for it. Then occasionally something will seem 'not right', and that's when you go searching for evidence. I don't think it's about a lack of trust really, more about searching for the truth.
I first read about checking emoji's on this forum months ago. I'd never considered that before. For me, it wouldn't have worked because he used quite random emojis and sends hearts to DC.
One to look out for is the stealth mode FB messaging. Can't remember what it's called - secret conversation? - but it's where IM turns black, end-to-end encryption to one device only, with timed deletions available.

Op, I've been following your thread with interest but haven't commented yet. What stands out to me is that you didn't go randomly snooping or just stumbled on the erroneous emojis. You felt something wasn't right so you decided due to that feeling to look at his phone. To me that's key.

I think you need to try and unpick what has been causing this initial feeling. Though this may be difficult to do.

It's the: initial feeling of unease, the erroneous emojis (of a bed and hearts no less!) and his odd pocket dialling explanation that isn't sitting right with me.

You also sound sensible and level headed. Best of luck OP.

I was able to get a look at his phone again a little while ago.
So there appears to be discrepancy in the safari versus websites in screentime. Most days its just 3 or 4 minutes, which means nothing but a couple of the days its a pretty big gap, around 20 minutes. On the rogue emoji days.

The no discrepancy in safari vs website since the date I brought it up with him.
Also absolutely no rogue emojis in the recent list since I brought it up.
Coincidences flying everywhere.

It could well be OP that he’s looking at something like porn- incognito - and commenting /liking posts/videos using emojis — the timeframe kind of fits too — just a thought. Depends when the safari times are— is it when you are out the house and he is in??

I can't see the times, only the amount of minutes spent on safari versus the listed websites.

I don't think its looking good.

I'm just sort of flat right now. Part of me thinks he wouldn't, he just wouldn't. But another part of thinks, well it looks like he has.

I think I am going to spend the evening with a takeaway and shit load of wine and think about it tomorrow.

You can see the times if it’s an iPhone — go into screen time in settings , click on safari and a bar chart will come up with various days , click on it on a particular day and you can see when he was using safari - press on the bars and it tells you how long and between what hours

I've found out an ex was cheating this exact way...

@cheeselover2021 I’m sorry you’re not getting the evidence you need.

I think @tarasmalatarocks might be spot on because the emojis are definitely porn response appropriate. You wouldn’t send a love heart that’s orange to a lover.

This is my most frequently used list of emojis - I can state confidently that I have only used three of them

Hadjab

There is no point saying anything at this point anymore. OP is off in her web of only seeing what she wants to see. She is too far gone.
I think, there is nothing her bf can possibly even say at this point that can lift the fog of irrational paranoia. Whatever happened in et life previously must have damaged her somehow, so she is intent to end this relationship.
Because if emoji evidence. This is mental, even by MN standards.

Just rtft and I've gone from thinking it's all completely crazy to now thinking you're right to be wondering......

My view is that he's not doing anything that he would get a notification for hence he's happy for you to have his phone. He also thinks this would throw you off the scent as you wouldn't expect him to do that if he had anything to hide!

One scenario could be that he's logging on to a website and chatting via it. He then either deletes it from history or uses 'incognito' mode. He won't be getting any notifications and will be happy to let you use his phone to appear trustworthy.

Unfortunately he seems to have stopped since you mentioned it (that's the biggest indicator of guilt to me!) so it's unlikely you'll find out now

Same as a pp, I went from thinking you're completely losing it, to, there is something amiss.

For me it would be the fact that you've seen these emoji's come and go and as soon as you mention it to him, it stops.

I looked at my DH’s out of interest this morning (I asked to see them, not snooping) and his are listed as ‘recently used’ whereas mine are frequently used (I have an iPhone he has a pixel) he doesn’t use emojis much and they were all really random. He might stick a grinning face or thumbs up in a message to me but his last one used was apparently the 👌 which wasn’t to me, prob his mates, but again could be totally random and created by his phone or put there for him so although it’s feasible I think that possibly his phone have put random ones in?

I don’t know though, obv, it’s not a whole lot to go on is it. If it’s website based then the only way of knowing is to find the sites/ comments but that’s not going to be easy if he’s wiping the history/ using incognito

You sound like you should be seeking some professional help. And leave him. For his sake.

I think if you dont really use emojis or a select few it populates the rest with randoms. If like me you use them a lot of the time its all most popular or most recent.

This thread made me curious so I've checked mine. All the ones I've blanked out I've used.

When you write a word like ‘rain’ does that cause the emoji umbrella to show in frequently used, even if you never used the actual emoji In the sent message? I don’t actually know

@Hulahoopla

When you write a word like ‘rain’ does that cause the emoji umbrella to show in frequently used, even if you never used the actual emoji In the sent message? I don’t actually know

It doesn't on my phone, I tested it due to this thread. The emoji pops up in the top bar to choose (a reel of 🧵 popped up, for example) but if you don't use it, it won't turn up in your list.

I probably should have just tested it! Thanks for doing that.

Not read the over comments but seems like you are overthinking this. I would never think twice the emojis on DP's phone. Do you trust each other?

This would make me suspicious too op

@Hulahoopla

When you write a word like ‘rain’ does that cause the emoji umbrella to show in frequently used, even if you never used the actual emoji In the sent message? I don’t actually know

If you type rain it does come up but you have to press it. I've had it before though where it automatically uses the emoji.

I've just checked my recent emojis (android) and all the ones on there, I have definitely used. I'm with you here that something feels a bit suss.

Is there a specific meaning to the orange heart, does it mean appreciation?