My BF won’t acknowledge me on social media. Is he hiding something?

[Malibu19880]

Just to be abundantly clear

I appreciate that not everyone uses social media/posts regularly/posts their relationships online. I fully understand that the posting of ones relationship is never a true reflection of what that relationship is actually like etc.

So with that out of the way…I have to be careful what I say because I don’t want to out myself.

Basically I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years however there is no trace of me on any of his social media. Again, just to be clear, I don’t expect public declarations of love and constant couples photos/posts on birthdays anniversaries etc as I am not that type of person anyway and that’s not what I’m asking for…but he regularly uses social media, both Facebook and Instagram, and from looking at them you would never even know I existed.

There was one photo of us from a post that I posted a few months ago which he was tagged in…he recently removed this from his profile. It’s been up there for months…why suddenly now remove it? This isn’t the only odd thing he’s done…turn comments off in Instagram posts…will never even open Instagram when he’s around me.

I know people are going to say social media doesn’t matter, our relationship in real life matters which I understand but my previous relationship was incredibly emotionally abusive. I spent years ignoring all the red flags and silencing my intuition so I am really struggling with this because something feels off.

The not actively posting me I can understand but to go out of his way to remove photos/any kind of reference to me from his profile…not even open his Instagram when I’m around…something isn’t right?

I have spoken to him before about how it makes me feel…like he’s ashamed of me or that he has something to hide but he just seems to brush off what I say or make me feel like I’m being unreasonable so I don’t know what to do anymore!

Honestly thank you all so much for taking the time to write what you have.

Every time I’ve felt like it’s all crumbling I just come back here and read what everyone has said, and although I cry even harder it really, really helps.

I am very lucky that I have a good family around me to support me through this time. And I’m hoping in a few weeks I will come back to read what I have written previously here and everything will feel less gut wrenching and life will feel more hopeful. Although his betrayal and behaviour is not on the level of some posts I have read on here, the heartbreak is no less painful. I’m just taking it a day at a time.

I really am working so hard on my fear of abandonment and codependency issues. And I know having the strength to walk away from him is tangible proof that it’s working. But again…the heartbreak is no less painful.

I’ve barely moved from my bed, I keep randomly bursting into tears, just wanting to disappear. I know this is all grief, I know we all have to go through it. I know it will get better with time. But right now it’s so unbelievably shit. This pain gets no easier the older you get, in fact this feels much worse than heartbreak I experienced in my late teens and 20’s. I don’t have any friends so there’s no one I can go out with or anything like that which doesn’t help. So that’s why I appreciate everyone writing to me here.

Anyway sorry for the ramble, I just keep coming back here to type away when I feel like texting him to stop myself.

Post here whenever you need to. Heartbreak is awful. It's so isolating. Feeling your world has ended whilst for everyone else it keeps turning is dreadful. You have been so brave. Your future self will look back on this and see it as the first step towards something great.

You have done such a difficult but brave thing. Just because it was right doesn't take away the pain and sadness. You'll be grieving for the future you thought you would have... but remember that you can have something even better, with someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time.

@Malibu19880 - just remember that everyone here and elsewhere will have had their heart broken at some point. But the ones who came out fighting and winning are the ones who stayed strong even while they were feeling weak.

Your posts here can be the start of a journal - a record of you finding the strength you didn't know you had. And if ever you feel you cannot do this anymore, when you fear you might give in......... come back here and someone will talk you through it.

But do try to build some strong friendships in real life. You need 'sisters' who share your outlook and goals and who will have your back when you feel low.

In the meantime, get yourself some acrylic paints or crayons and a pad of drawing paper. Put on your favourite music and get creative. Just because you aren't a child doesn't mean you can't do fingerpainting! Or make a collage with pressed autumn leaves or pictures from magazines. Draw a mural in the loo. Whatever. Just get yourself off that horrible treadmill of ruminating, stop asking why why why..... instead try and get yourself to a better place emotionally.

And always remember: You are worth so much more than the tosser who messed with your heart!!!

What an absolute pig he is op,
You saw his true colours when you confronted him. You have dodged a massive bullet by not moving in with him and trusting your gut. Massive well done! You showed him! He is utterly pathetic! You deserve sooo much better than this.
Don’t worry about your biological clock. If you want to take back control get some fertility checks done and take good care of your health. You don’t want kids with a man child who treats you like this anyway.
Your going to meet a wonderful man who values you and sees your worth. That’s exciting!
It’s painful, I know how bad it hurts I really do. It’s hard to believe the person you spent all this time with, made memories with and showed you love in the moment can turn out to be the complete opposite of who you thought he was.
You will do so much better. Can’t say he will ever really change.

If he isn’t all about you then he’s just not into it. I can tell you from sad personal experience.

Most men I’ve dated have had me with them on their profile photos. Which is fine, not needed. The ones who have turned out to be shady are the ones not celebrating the supposed joy they feel dating me.

If you’re not exclusive enough for declarations publicly (I’m not huge into social media myself) but where you’re not in his world… then at the very least you can go on dating other men.

Date other men, get one who is over the moon for you. Because you know something isn’t right.

Just like many of us did. Be better than us and cut bait if it isn’t right. You can and will do better.

You should NEVER have to worry that he is after someone else. Or keeping up a facade to attract others. It cheapens you and you’re better than that. He needs to prove his worth to you.

PS maybe you ARE crazy! So what?!! So what??? You want what you want and you need what you need. Men thought it crazy for women to vote. Be crazy!!!