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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

955 replies

BelladiMamma · 14/10/2021 07:47

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

OP posts:
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5
SortingItOut · 16/10/2021 13:35

@Misty9 I think you knew deep down he would hurt you as you said it after your first meet.....a bit of us always believes it won't happen though.

You are too good for him and deserve more.
You have done nothing wrong for him to treat you like this, its not about you, its all about him wanting to play the field.

Have a 🤗 and some love💕

BelladiMamma · 16/10/2021 13:50

@Misty9 if you feel like shit please let that feeling happen. If you want to blast some negative energy out, do that too ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
Onesmallstep67 · 16/10/2021 14:37

@Misty9, I think what he’s done is horrible. I doubt it was coming from a bad place with him, probably more a symptom of his chaotic life atm. But it still stings hugely I’m sure. As we often say, this is totally about him and his pathetic behaviour and absolutely no reflection on you. Please don’t message him or get drawn into discussing it with him because genuinely what can he say ? You seized the moment with someone you felt a connection with and allowed yourself to be hopeful. He’s the one being selfish and floundering around. Let him be, you deserve far more than this.

BelladiMamma · 16/10/2021 14:44

@Dazedandconfused10

Morning all, date was fine last night, no spark, but he was nice enough. Did match with a couple of others yesterday, one date zero in the works. I know I said I was going to take some time out but eh, if I want to find a relationship I must persevere.

Misty that doesn't sound great, I hope.you take time out for you. He didn't need to share that detail.

Just stop when it's not fun ... so long as it is; you're good to go 💚
OP posts:
Sugaspunsista · 16/10/2021 15:04

So i blocked an iron ( Mr Fire) for sending me a totally inappropriate video on whatsapp
Why are some men so stupid??

Sugaspunsista · 16/10/2021 15:05

@Misty9 I'm sorry to hear you are feeling sad. That's oversharing from him though and he should know that. Step away if you can (easier said than done) to protect yourself

Languidleopard · 16/10/2021 15:51

@FireandBrimstone sounds like you have a nice evening planned with Mr Smiler 😊

Is it a posh hotel? I might be tempted tbh. Put it this way, I'd definitely get my legs waxed "just in case" 🤣

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 16:10

Definitely looking forward to an app break too - give it another few weeks and then see if anything sticks and then come off the apps for a while. Then back in for cuffing season Grin

Catcrazy83 · 16/10/2021 16:22

I thought we were already in cuffing season Grin Definitely notice a massive increase in activity on hinge.
I’ve got a few chats going. No names yet though. One local to looks promising, very unusual for me out in the sticks. Usually 10 miles at least.
Still dating mr working away, no exclusivity chat. Though I can feel it brewing. Dating for over two months now. Still have my fwb who I see a couple of times a month.

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 16:29

Agree with the quantity @Catcrazy83

I haven't felt like I'm "running out of guys" at all (though "odds are good but the goods are odd and all that!").

Plus the "places opening" thing just makes it all a lot easier, so no excuse for weird "home dates".

Isitreallyme177 · 16/10/2021 16:31

So I'm doing the Telegraph crossword, whilst browsing Facebook and see an advert for some lovely little European towns that I think would be nice to visit at Christmas for the markets ( I seem to get Mr Cricket's company adverts on Facebook😬🤦‍♀️). The first clue I can get on the crossword, the answer happens to be Aeroplane. Think Facebook and the crossword are trying to tell me something. I need to make use of his friends and family discount🤣. There is no point in knowing a pilot, who has offered his discount, if you don't use what's on offer.🤷‍♀️

Naimee87 · 16/10/2021 17:27

@Isitreallyme177 that’s funny. I signed up to this ‘italian word if the day’ and the first word i got last week was ‘idiot/foolish’ then this week it was ‘on all fours’ today’s was ‘rooster’ not exactly sure i’m learning anything at all but the first words were rather telling given the history with him 😂 the world works in really strange ways sometimes doesn’t it!

Hope everyone’s had nice saturday’s. Seem’s so many have chats/date ‘0’s on the go! Making me very curious about what going on the apps would be like. But still taking some time before i do. So not ready for another MrE repeat!!!

WeWantTheFinestWines · 16/10/2021 18:10

misty sorry he behaved so insensitively towards you. You did what I think we all would - go by his actions (which showed a connection) rather than his words (when he said he wasn't ready). Despite the popular saying, I think words often speak louder than actions, certainly in dating - if they say they don't want a relationship, they don't, no matter how into you they seem in the moment. Please know that you are worthy of so much more and he's completely in the wrong here.

spring - "the odds are good but the goods are odd" 😆 ... never heard that before; genius!

I'm getting nothing on the apps but my profile outlines my boundaries very clearly so I take the lack of interest as a dearth of anyone acceptable to me. And I also think that's why I don't get inappropriate messages, dick pics, picture requests, anything like that. My profile has "don't mess with me" written all over it, or between the lines, really, so I guess it's working.

I have a date zero with Mr Gardener on Tuesday after work. I really hope I like him. He's easy to talk to, totally gets that my DC come first even though he doesn't have any of his own. He is close with his family and super uncle to his sister's 3 DC. He's buying a house locally and has a job - which doesn't sound like much but it is, compared to my ex. He is respectful while swearing like a trooper, which totally works for me. Suggested that I'd want to meet in a familiar, public, place as he's a stranger so we're going for a walk on my local beach. I'm not holding my breath for fireworks though...

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 18:10

@Naimee87

It's the "same old scene" really in that of course out of 10 matches/early chats most of them fizzle out, or the guys turn out weird or pushy or maybe not that attractive?

Eg even looking at my list from last night, one has disappeared from the matches,

one just "isn't that attractive and keeps mentioning he's got all these "female friends" who are blatantly women he's met on apps and have friendzoned him" so I don't want to get involved with that situation?

So they drop like flies!

But at least it's "new faces".

VanGoghsDog · 16/10/2021 18:19

So, dinner last night with MrStone (edible but not the best meal I've ever had, but he tried and the pudding I took was nice), his flat is nice enough.

Chatted for hours, I do feel relaxed with him, he's genuinely interested in me which is nice. He didn't launch at me but at about eleven he asked if I'd like to stay the night (I didn't say 'ooh, in the spare room?') and I got the chance to say that I wasn't sure, I don't want things to get weird in the group (cos I've been in it a lot longer than him) I explained I'd seen someone else in the group a year or so ago and don't want a reputation (he said no-one has to know, which is fine at the start of course), also what if it doesn't work out (he said well, there are other groups, he'd go off to one of those), and I said I wasn't looking for anything serious right now (he said it doesn't have to be serious - he probably believes that but I was slightly concerned about his saying his last relationship ended last year because he got a bit obsessed by her).
He said we can carry on going out and getting to know each other, that would be nice too.

Anyway, he did ask me again (really felt no pressure though, he's just keen) and said no, but we did have a snog. Was OK, not earth shattering but a reasonable start.

I don't feel the need to distance myself so as not to 'give him the wrong idea', so I think I feel like something could develop. But I do need to be sure it's that I want him, not just want sex (the latter is entirely possible).

He was on my mind last night when I went to bed, but fairly soon replaced by my normal nocturnal mental wanderings which only involve MrWG.

Met the consultant from Feeld today, no attraction from my side at all. He's interesting in an academic way, in that his field is interesting and he's keen to talk about politics, but it's quite dull chat after a few hours and he has a slightly lecturing way of talking (understandably). Had a nice open sandwich for lunch and a cup of tea and a bit of a walk in the sun though, so that was good.

Isitreallyme177 · 16/10/2021 18:21

@Naimee87 I get Google compliments daily, not sure it gives me a confidence boost though. I'm also tempted by the apps after reading all the date 0s and messages but I can't do that to myself.

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 18:34

@Isitreallyme177

Yeh tbh the scene has not improved overall, but I'm just treating it as a "has to be done" task working through the numbers.

(I haven't even posted some of the shit I've got as I don't want to think about it too much!).

I guess unfortunately that's kind of the issue with MrCricket - if you're thinking about him all the time, and seeing him as your "dream guy" then maybe you'll find it a bit harder to adjust to the guys who actually are keen on being romantically available for you?

Isitreallyme177 · 16/10/2021 18:52

@SpringlikeBunk I just don't have time either, life is busy and I can't remember it being this busy before. I need to settle into a routine with going into the office and the gym again. I'm enjoying watching crap TV tonight, looking forward to a walk in the morning (no company yet as he hasn't moved and is working anyway), getting my housework done and a roast for dinner tomorrow.

Misty9 · 16/10/2021 20:11

Thanks for all the support everyone. We've talked and he suggested we make contact in a couple of months. But we'll see.

I'm off out to dance that man right out of my hair - not massively in the mood, but hoping I'll perk up Glitterball

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 21:20

HAHAHA

When I started this bumble profile I wanted to “tone things down” for the sex hounds and looks obsessed guys. And draw the geeks in.

So even though I do have some more “flirtatious/flattering photos” (think red dress and hair down and hand on hip and yes I’m a size 8 with massive norks) I kept them away and put outdoorsy ones up.

As I’m probably deleting the app soon I thought I’d put a couple of the more flirty snaps up why the hell not.

Immediately one of my chats which had “fizzled out” - I’d sent the last text and he’d not replied (but updated his profile so clearly I didn’t impress him much) has “un-zombied” himself

and now it’s like “oh hi babe! I remember that thing we discussed doing I’m really interested in doing it, let’s do it - oh I’ve had a massive cold which disappeared just when my dick saw you weren’t such a boring geek after all...”

Oh you shallow shallow man Grin

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 21:24

I’m cringing on his behalf here Grin
It’s just so sudden as well - immediately I put the photos up I’m suddenly worth texting again 🙈

SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 21:37

This is just one of those "Mumsnet fantasies" which never happens, but I quite fancy getting him to agree to a date, then putting some really unflattering photos up and then waiting for the "emergency cancellation" excuse.

BelladiMamma · 16/10/2021 22:19

[quote Languidleopard]@FireandBrimstone sounds like you have a nice evening planned with Mr Smiler 😊

Is it a posh hotel? I might be tempted tbh. Put it this way, I'd definitely get my legs waxed "just in case" 🤣[/quote]
And a girl should never ever waste a good leg wax 😘😁

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 16/10/2021 22:32

@SpringlikeBunk

This is just one of those "Mumsnet fantasies" which never happens, but I quite fancy getting him to agree to a date, then putting some really unflattering photos up and then waiting for the "emergency cancellation" excuse.
I'm enjoying that fantasy. Hilarious 😆
OP posts:
SpringlikeBunk · 16/10/2021 22:35

@BelladiMamma

Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!
Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!
Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!