Hi all,
I’m looking for honest advice here please.
My partner and I argue all the time. Essentially it boils down to the same pattern of behaviour:
I’ll say something innocently, the latest being “I’m doing the gardening today if you want to help but don’t worry if you’re busy - no pressure”
He takes offence and blames it on my voice, my body language, my words, my face - anything.
I then defend myself “no I was genuinely just saying if you want to help I’d like that but no worries if you’ve got plans”
It then becomes an argument and we fall out.
He’s agreed with the pattern of behaviour and said he needs to stop being so sensitive and thinking I’m being horrible but so far he hasn’t.
He’s now decided not to speak to me properly in case I get offended! This has thrown me completely as I don’t really get offended by things and I’m a really positive person.
When it’s good it’s great but when he’s like this it drives me to despair.
Should I just let it go when he gets offended all the time? Is it just me and am I really horrible without realising? I’ve always been told I’m quite a lovely person and very positive so it’d be news to me but I’m open to it. Even when he’s said it all stems from me I haven’t got offended, I just see that he’s very defensive.
Thing is I’m 35, I want a family and I’m scared of being on my own and becoming a spinster who gets eaten by her cats.
If I was 25 then I probably would leave. As it is, I’m not sure. Maybe this is what relationships are? Maybe they do take work and I just need to let it go and not react when he has his moments. It’s just hard.
He said he’ll work on it so I suppose time will tell, I’d just like to hear others thoughts on it as I’m completely thrown for a loop at the moment.