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Original poster

Female friend won't meet me?

125 replies

Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:17

My dh has made a new ish friend, maybe in the last 2 months or so. I keep saying to him I'd like to meet her and she apparently keeps saying no. She's dropped him off from work before and driven straight off. Is this weird? It seems strange to me

OP posts:
Skysblue · 07/10/2021 16:23

Yes that is weird. I don’t know what it means though. My guesses are one of the below but they are probably all wrong 🤣

  1. She is one of those women who don’t like/want female friends.
  1. She doesn’t mind giving lifts, but doesn’t particularly want to be friends with DH, and certainly doesn’t want to get closer by getting to know his family.
  1. She thinks you’ll think she fancies DH and feels awkward / is nervous you’ll be jealous and aggressive.
  1. She actually does fancy DH and is actively trying to lure him away and doesn’t want to meet the wife as that might make her feel guilty.
  1. She’s extremely shy.
  1. She has very little free time and DH slots nicely into it by eg car sharing but that doesn’t mean she wants to spend her evening meeting you.
Tee20x · 07/10/2021 16:24

If I had recently met a colleague at work I would find it weird that his wife would want to meet me to be honest.

2 months isn't a long time at all. Are they friends friends as in chat outside of work, or just colleagues and she happens to pass your home on her way home so drops him off?

What are you wanting to meet with her to talk about or are you suspicious about something?

gamerchick · 07/10/2021 16:25

Why do you want to meet her?

MichelleScarn · 07/10/2021 16:25

Is she a 'friend' or just someone from work who's given him a lift home?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2021 16:27

How you do know it's her saying no? My bet is it's your husband who doesn't want you to meet her.

CrapAtThis · 07/10/2021 16:27

Yours husband hasn’t actually asked her.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 07/10/2021 16:28

Agree with PPs, I would find it a bit odd if I had worked with someone for 2 months and their wife was asking to meet me. I’d assume she thinks I’m after him and wants to vet me or warn me off.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:28

They chat outside of work kind of friends. He's met her to go for a drink before. He doesn't have many friends so I was curious to meet this woman, I guess

Is it weird that I want to meet her then going by replies?

OP posts:
skatewanker · 07/10/2021 16:29

Why do you need to meet her? DH hasn't met any of my male work mates.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:29

Why, Aquamarine?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2021 16:29

More likely he tells you she doesn't want to meet you...because she is not his friend.

Also, who the feck is this random?
Its fine for partners to have long term female friends from before they met you or maybe make friends in the workplace who he has work lunch with but no way in hell would I be OK with some random woman appearing out of the blue and driving him about the place.

Not on, at all.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 07/10/2021 16:29

Can you give a bit more detail OP? When you say he’s made a friend, are they spending lots of time together outside of work then?

Custarddreaming · 07/10/2021 16:29

I would find it weird if I was asked to hang around to say helloafter dropping a colleague off /for his wife to give me a once over to check I'm not trying to sell her man/ if I'm attractive enough to be a threat

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 07/10/2021 16:30

Sorry x posted

todaysdilemma · 07/10/2021 16:31

I wouldn't expect to meet my partner's work colleague after 2 months. and if she's giving him lifts, then she probably wants to get back home asap rather than hang about socialising. That's not refusing though - that's just not wanting to stop and chat.

I don't as a rule introduce my own work colleagues to my partner, unless I'm also hanging out with them on my days off. Does he only hang out with her at work - in which case she's just a work friend, and their social lives don't come into it. As long as he's told you about her, and isn't spending the night texting her instead of talking to you, what's the problem?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2021 16:32

@Pollypocket89

Why, Aquamarine?
Because I've been around a long time and know bullshit when I smell it. Why wouldn't she want to say a quick hello if she's an actual friend of your husband's? That's a pretty bog standard thing to do, to be introduced to your friend's partner, don't you agree? You husband is the one who doesn't want the two of you to meet.
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:33

They do text, they net at work for those asking where she came from.

Pinkbonbon, what do you mean she is not his friend?

OP posts:
thesearelaughterlines · 07/10/2021 16:34

If I had a male friend who I saw / chatted / text on occasions I'd make sure I said hi to his partner

Just to make sure they were fully aware that mine and her partners intentions are innocent

And if I had my own partner I'd do the same for him

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:36

Custarddreaming, is that how it appears? I invited her for lunch

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:36

He mentions her a fair bit and I don't think I'm suspicious, more curious

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 07/10/2021 16:38

Jesus, spare me from "curious" wives when all I want to do is be friendly to a colleague.

todaysdilemma · 07/10/2021 16:40

@Pollypocket89

Custarddreaming, is that how it appears? I invited her for lunch
I would find it very odd if my colleague's friend's wife invited me for lunch! And probably regret that i'd starting giving him a lift. Not everyone wants to make a whole bunch of friends - they work together and chat a bit outside of it, but it's only been 2 months and if he and she rarely meet outside of work (was the drink a pre/post work thing or on a day off?), why would she meet you?

Do you introduce all your work colleagues to DH after 2 months?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:41

Why are pp saying its dh, why wouldn't he ask her?

OP posts:
todaysdilemma · 07/10/2021 16:41

Sorry, colleague's wife

girlmom21 · 07/10/2021 16:41

It's definitely weird to ask to meet her. She doesn't want to meet you because she knows you just want to try and work out whether they're shagging and she's not interested in that drama.

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