Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Female friend won't meet me?

125 replies

Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 16:17

My dh has made a new ish friend, maybe in the last 2 months or so. I keep saying to him I'd like to meet her and she apparently keeps saying no. She's dropped him off from work before and driven straight off. Is this weird? It seems strange to me

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 07/10/2021 17:12

Sorry, OP. I suspect that it's DH who doesn't want you to meet his 'friend'.

beastlyslumber · 07/10/2021 17:14

@HundredMilesAnHour

I would find it very odd if a male colleague's wife wanted to meet me when I've only know him for 2 months. I'd see it very much as being checked up on that I wasn't a romantic threat and I wouldn't want to get involved in their relationship dramas/insecurities/whatever.
If you were texting with this colleague and meeting up with him on your days off, would you feel differently? I think I would.

Regardless, pretty sure this is the H making sure he keeps his new friend away from his missus.

MrMrsJones · 07/10/2021 17:16

So is she young and pretty?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:16

Do those pp saying its dh keeping her away or not asking her think there's something going on, or another reason for not?

OP posts:
2lsinllama · 07/10/2021 17:16

I don’t think I’ve met any of DH’s female colleagues. I’m friends with one on Facebook but only because we have a shared interest. He regularly has dinner with a group of colleagues, both male and female and I’ve never thought about meeting them. Do you trust your DH op, or do you have reason to be suspicious?

Alonghairinapie · 07/10/2021 17:16

I suppose if you’ve having troubles then there’s the insecurity, what sort of troubles have you been having?

The mentionitis would worry me, you usually get that with the interest flaring and then it stops when they realise the line is crossed and start to hide the infatuation.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:17

She's the same age as him and very pretty yes

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 07/10/2021 17:17

What photo?? As in she's sending him photos of her? Or he's taken photos of her?

You are having problems and he's suddenly besties with some random from work?

I wouldn't like it op..ignore all the "cool wives" who say they would be totally fine..

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:18

Just not as close, maybe the last 8 months or so

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 07/10/2021 17:18

..eh...why the hell is he taking photos of her?

I'd be more than bloody curious if I were you op.
But it's probably good to keep a cool head.

Alonghairinapie · 07/10/2021 17:18

Well they mean he could be interested in her and making up her replies about meeting, who knows, you only have his word. Has there been trust issues?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:18

No no, her profile picture on WhatsApp

OP posts:
thesearelaughterlines · 07/10/2021 17:19

How does he explain why she doesn't want to meet you ? What's his reasoning and does he know this is concerning you ?

Alonghairinapie · 07/10/2021 17:19

Ok when you say not as close, what has been happening, how have you felt?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:21

I've been quite distant with him, he's stressed with work etc. I've never been a particularly affectionate person

He explains it saying she has plans or somewhere else to be.

OP posts:
thesearelaughterlines · 07/10/2021 17:21

Do you trust him?

Alonghairinapie · 07/10/2021 17:22

What was the starting point regarding being distant with him?

LadybirdyBirdylady · 07/10/2021 17:22

@thesearelaughterlines

If I had a male friend who I saw / chatted / text on occasions I'd make sure I said hi to his partner

Just to make sure they were fully aware that mine and her partners intentions are innocent

And if I had my own partner I'd do the same for him

Same.

I'm really transparent about my friendships with men. I wouldn't see a male friend who didn't want to let his wife know about or meet me.

beastlyslumber · 07/10/2021 17:22

@Pollypocket89

Do those pp saying its dh keeping her away or not asking her think there's something going on, or another reason for not?
It might just be that he wants something to be going on, or is enjoying the attention and not wanting any reality (you) to get in the way of his dreaming.

What did he say when you asked him why she didn't want to meet you? Do you believe he has actually asked her about this?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:23

Not her, nothing in particular that I recall

I do trust him but I'm still curious about his new friend. Even if he wasn't interested, it's possible she is

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/10/2021 17:24

He always just says she's busy or has plans or was in a hurry

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 07/10/2021 17:24

Mentionitis
Bet he has told her that you and him are like flatmates and only together for the kids

Get your ducks in a row.

Hattiehottie · 07/10/2021 17:24

He doesn't want you to meet her as it would burst the little bubble they have created and he is enjoying.

I'd put money on your DP not actually asking her.

butterpuffed · 07/10/2021 17:25

Has it seriously never occurred to you to even wonder whether it's more than a friendship ?

HalzTangz · 07/10/2021 17:26

@Pollypocket89

Why are pp saying its dh, why wouldn't he ask her?
People are trying to say that if your partner has feelings for this woman then he will lie and say he's asked her when he hasn't. He won't want you meeting someone he wants to/or is already having an affair with