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Original poster

Boyfriend won't delete girls he doesn't know on social media

101 replies

lola1987 · 06/10/2021 19:51

Hi I'm new on here but desperate for some advice so please be kind!
I've been with my bf for 6 months but just noticed he had loads of women friends on his social media that he doesn't know, but are the sort of girls that are not the kind you'd feel comfortable with your boyfriend having on there. Eg. Big Boobs on display in underwear, bum out and very sexual pics on their profiles, even some with links to their 'only fans'. I confronted him and asked that he unfriended any girls that he doesn't actually know, and he admitted that he doesn't know them. However, he refuses to delete them saying he won't be dictated to and won't delete them as he's had them on there for years. I had noticed that sometimes he spends hours upon hours active on Facebook till the early hours of the morning and I think this is really suspicious behaviour and said I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't consider my feelings. Am I being paranoid or do I have a right to be upset and have I done the right thing finishing things?

OP posts:
lollypop29 · 06/10/2021 19:53

I'd let him get on with it to be honest. They're only people on the Internet, you're the one that has him and have a commitment with each other x

QuiltedHippo · 06/10/2021 19:53

Keep him dumped

334bu · 06/10/2021 19:54

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

You might get more advice here.

MargaritaPie · 06/10/2021 20:47

People who have casual sex (regardless if they're single or cheating) often keep their, shall we say, sex-buddies on Facebook so there's a nice convenient list of them.

MargaritaPie · 06/10/2021 20:48

Even if he isn't meeting up with them in person btw they could be cam-girls. i.e. they do (sexual) things on webcam for payment.

ArabellaScott · 06/10/2021 20:56

I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't consider my feelings. Am I being paranoid or do I have a right to be upset and have I done the right thing finishing things?

It's entirely your choice, OP. It's not about 'having a right' to be upset. If you are upset; you are upset. Your feelings are your own and nobody can tell you how you ought to feel or the 'right' way to feel.

I think personally I would find that particular situation an enormous turn off, mostly because it sounds very naff.

FemaleAndLearning · 06/10/2021 20:56

Trust your instincts, not your heart. Probably time to move on.

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/10/2021 20:59

You were right to finish things, your boyfriend deserves someone less controlling.

Original poster
lola1987 · 06/10/2021 21:00

@PlanDeRaccordement

You were right to finish things, your boyfriend deserves someone less controlling.
Am I being controlling? With half naked women he doesn't know?
OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 06/10/2021 21:02

I think so. No way would I let my DH dictate to me who I friended on social media. I would never cheat and he should trust me. No trust= no relationship.

Anycolourwilldo · 06/10/2021 21:06

Yep, you're being controlling

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 06/10/2021 21:09

You were right to end it.

No point taking it further, otherwise you'll be making a thread in six years' time after realising how much of the money in the joint account has been sent to women in exchange for camming.

Womaninthistown · 06/10/2021 21:11

You have the right to be upset but he has the right to say no. You’re his girlfriend not his mother or a manger.

He has said no so you need to decide if this is a deal breaker.

Personally I would be put off because it’s a bit juvenile & I want a partner not a child but only you know your wants/needs.

xmash · 06/10/2021 21:12

Well he has a charming way of viewing women doesn't he. Right out there in the open - treating them like a whole bunch of sex objects and nothing more, and ignoring how upset it makes his actual real-life girlfriend.

Dump the loser.

girlmom21 · 06/10/2021 21:13

Dump him for being a sleaze.

greendiva · 06/10/2021 21:18

No point asking him to change, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship who was like this. Tell him how it makes you feel, if he's not interested you're better off without him.

Franca123 · 06/10/2021 21:39

This makes me feel very old. If you don't like it and he won't change, you have to decide whether you can live with it or not. He sounds like he doesn't respect women very much. I certainly couldn't respect a man like this personally. It's your life and you get to decide.

facelessworrier · 06/10/2021 21:49

Yes you're being controlling. I wouldn't to be dictated to about who I can or can't be friends with.

However, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be friends with a load of half naked random strangers on the internet as it basically just screams he's a creepy perv.

Dump him, not because he won't unfriend them, but because he's the kind of guy that follows them in the first place.

CrumpetStrumpet · 06/10/2021 21:55

He has the right to have whoever he wants on his SM. You have the right to not like it and act accordingly. I'd have dumped him as well. I couldn't be in a relationship with a man with such sleazy leanings.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/10/2021 22:01

he can do what he likes with his phone as long as it is legal.

you can decide whether you want to be in a relationship with him given this is who he is and what he does. dumping sounds like a sensible option to be fair.

OldWivesTale · 06/10/2021 22:14

Urgh, he's a sleazeball. I know the kind of "friends" you mean. Dump the sad fucker.

Elieza · 06/10/2021 22:58

I don’t think he loves you because if he did why would he make you unhappy like this and why would he keep girls pics for no reason?

There is a reason he keeps them. It involves his right hand and a sock at the least.

And there is a reason he is basically picking them over you. He is manipulative to get what he wants and doesn’t care if it makes you sad as he’s alright jack.

Time to go. You can do better.

Nancydrawn · 06/10/2021 23:00

I wouldn't dump him because I assumed he would cheat or because it would indicate a question of trust. But I would dump him because it would indicate to me a man who both objectifies women and who is a bit pathetic.

Counterbottle · 06/10/2021 23:01

@PlanDeRaccordement

I think so. No way would I let my DH dictate to me who I friended on social media. I would never cheat and he should trust me. No trust= no relationship.
You’re eh doesn’t live in a world here his entire gender is valued on their appearance Clearly are certainly no feminist And just in case you need the definition of feminist It’s women who believe women deserve to be treated with the same respect as men
Counterbottle · 06/10/2021 23:03

Op it’s sleazy and shows that he values women for their tits and asses . Tell him you won’t be with a man who sees women like that
Perhaps ask him who are the women he admires and respect . I can almost garantee you he will be stumped or offer you women based on their appearance
He sees women as objects , ornaments to decorate his life and entertain him
You can do so much better