Page 3 | Boyfriend won't delete girls he doesn't know on social media

lola1987 · 2021-10-06T18:51:44+00:00

Hi I'm new on here but desperate for some advice so please be kind! I've been with my bf for 6 months but just noticed he had loads of women friends on his social media that he doesn't know, but are the sort of girls that are not the kind you'd feel comfortable with your boyfriend having on there. Eg. Big Boobs on display in underwear, bum out and very sexual pics on their profiles, even some with links to their 'only fans'. I confronted him and asked that he unfriended any girls that he doesn't actually know, and he admitted that he doesn't know them. However, he refuses to delete them saying he won't be dictated to and won't delete them as he's had them on there for years. I had noticed that sometimes he spends hours upon hours active on Facebook till the early hours of the morning and I think this is really suspicious behaviour and said I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't consider my feelings. Am I being paranoid or do I have a right to be upset and have I done the right thing finishing things?

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/10/2021 09:41

Lose the sad individual and move on. There are nice men out there.

fuckoffImcounting · 07/10/2021 09:43

He's not good dating material - childish and likely to cheat.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 07/10/2021 09:45

Definitely the right thing to ditch him. I wouldn't want a partner perving over women like that.
My ex had girls on social media that he'd send pathetic messages to every time he got drunk. It also turned out that he DID know some of the girls and had previously had FWB relationships with them.
In your case it's probably more likely that he's using the only fans links or just perving over their photos. Not attractive behaviour at all.

ChargingBuck · 07/10/2021 13:22

@lollypop29

I'd let him get on with it to be honest. They're only people on the Internet, you're the one that has him and have a commitment with each other x

Yeah, but you're not going out with him lollypop, & OP clearly has different standards in the level of casual sexism she will tolerate from a b/f.

RaginaPhalange · 07/10/2021 13:40

@facelessworrier

Yes you're being controlling. I wouldn't to be dictated to about who I can or can't be friends with.

However, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be friends with a load of half naked random strangers on the internet as it basically just screams he's a creepy perv.

Dump him, not because he won't unfriend them, but because he's the kind of guy that follows them in the first place.

^ This

Bexxe · 07/10/2021 13:55

tricky one, what you need to focus on is not his actions but how you feel about them.
In reality, it is pretty harmless until something actually happens. My Boyfriend is the same, has thousands of people he doesnt know on insta from when he was young, now 24 and cant be bothered to go through everyone to unfollow them. Do i like it? Not really - but i trust him more than anything, and know that it is okay to 'look but not touch' so to speak.

if your not okay with it, then you cant force himt o delete them as much as it would make you feel better. theres a balance between taking your feelings into consideration and just letting thinsg go.
youve made your feelings clear, its up to him if he ignores you or carries on doing as he does. Either is fine, its his choice. you can only chose how to react, if you want to get over it and let it be then great - or if its worth breaking up over then do that

eandz13 · 07/10/2021 13:59

I think you're being paranoid and controlling. He's probably not deleting them out of principle because he won't have his girlfriend of SIX MONTHS telling him who he can and can't have on social media, and that he can't go on social media past a certain time because you find it suspicious

I think you've done the right thing leaving him, yeah.

HateJudgmentalPeople · 07/10/2021 15:04

eandz13 I don’t think the OP is paranoid, she is right on the money if you ask me.

Would you mind your partner being friends on socials with sex workers? That’s what Only Fans really is, a form of sex work and lots of women use their social media platforms as a way to get OF clients, and if these women were ugly then the OPs boyfriend wouldn’t be friends with them, fact.

HateJudgmentalPeople · 07/10/2021 15:08

@fuckoffImcounting

He's not good dating material - childish and likely to cheat.

Exactly! This is a huge red flag as to him cheating.

OP imagine if one of these women gave your boyfriend the opportunity to sleep with her, then do you really think he would say no? Many men are opportunists when it comes to cheating and it takes a strong willed man to say no to a woman whom he finds physically attractive.

Cas112 · 07/10/2021 15:16

You cant control who he follows on social media.

You just have to decide if you trust him, if not then get rid.

I follow Anthony Joshua, I don't know him but just because I follow him doesn't mean I'm disrespecting my boyfriend or I'm gonna end up in his bed.

How would you even know who he follows unless you've gone through his follow list? Which would be weird, what else in his life will you end up monitoring?

Use your brain, is he really gonna end up cheating with these girls? Are you never going to look at a picture of a topless man ever again because you now have a boyfriend. Stop worrying, you just seem insecure

Cas112 · 07/10/2021 15:16

@eandz13

I think you're being paranoid and controlling. He's probably not deleting them out of principle because he won't have his girlfriend of SIX MONTHS telling him who he can and can't have on social media, and that he can't go on social media past a certain time because you find it suspicious

I think you've done the right thing leaving him, yeah.

THIS!

HateJudgmentalPeople · 07/10/2021 15:48

@Cas112

You cant control who he follows on social media.

You just have to decide if you trust him, if not then get rid.

I follow Anthony Joshua, I don't know him but just because I follow him doesn't mean I'm disrespecting my boyfriend or I'm gonna end up in his bed.

How would you even know who he follows unless you've gone through his follow list? Which would be weird, what else in his life will you end up monitoring?

Use your brain, is he really gonna end up cheating with these girls? Are you never going to look at a picture of a topless man ever again because you now have a boyfriend. Stop worrying, you just seem insecure

He will never cheat with these girls because they would probably say no! Anthony Joshua is a celebrity and a woman following a celebrity on social media isn’t the same as the OPs boyfriend following non famous scantily clad women on the socials. Also is Anthony Joshua half naked on his account so that he can entice women to pay him money for sexual stuff?! I doubt it.

Men and women aren’t the same and have different intentions when following a good looking person, and I doubt you look at Anthony’s pics and masturbate over them, whilst it’s very likely that OPs bf is looking at t female pics and banging one out!

AryaStarkWolf · 07/10/2021 15:54

I wouldn't fancy being with someone like that tbh, I'd just move on, you've not been together long

AryaStarkWolf · 07/10/2021 15:55

@Cas112

You cant control who he follows on social media.

You just have to decide if you trust him, if not then get rid.

I follow Anthony Joshua, I don't know him but just because I follow him doesn't mean I'm disrespecting my boyfriend or I'm gonna end up in his bed.

How would you even know who he follows unless you've gone through his follow list? Which would be weird, what else in his life will you end up monitoring?

Use your brain, is he really gonna end up cheating with these girls? Are you never going to look at a picture of a topless man ever again because you now have a boyfriend. Stop worrying, you just seem insecure

I highly doubt AJ has an only fans page, really isn't a like for like comparison

ArranMumma · 07/10/2021 15:57

I would find it a turn off to be honest. I don’t mind a partner of mine looking at porn when he’s horny but I would feel weird about this because it’s blended into his day to day life. Instagram is something you flick through on the sofa or on your work break, there’s no need for him to be regularly looking at other women like that. It comes across as a bit desperate and weird tbh which is why I wouldn’t like it!

Cas112 · 07/10/2021 16:17

Where has OP mentioned only fans and paying for sexual stuff? You guys are crazy haha!

Paying for only fans, yes might be a bit different but following on instagram? Its not that deep, get over it.

Men and women aren’t the same and have different intentions You also cant just decide in your own brain who has what intentions, you don't know this boy. You cant just decide for him what his intentions are.

All of this is probably just his way of showing he wont be told what to do, if my partner had told me to unfollow people after 6 months I would quite rightly have told him to piss off, same way if this was a man telling the OP to unfollow people you there would be uproar.

IrishMel · 07/10/2021 16:23

Ewwww I would not be with a man who is staying up half the night probably pleasuring himself over these women. We all have different views and what we find acceptable. But for me he treats women like they are there for his pleasure and he knows it upsets you but just tells you that you are insecure and controlling. How would he feel if you had half naked men all over your social media and up half the night doing what he is doing. You can do better than this. Dating so hard now with social media. Take some time out for yourself and get to know someone longer before you get so involved. Wish you the best.

IrishMel · 07/10/2021 16:24

The OP did state that there were links to 'only fans' .

Cas112 · 07/10/2021 16:37

@IrishMel

The OP did state that there were links to 'only fans' .

On there page but not that he had been paying on on to the only fans.

Skysblue · 07/10/2021 16:55

You aren’t being controlling OP, and the way he reacted when you explained that his behaviour upsets you tells you how little regard he has for your feelings.

Internet stalking of semi-naked women on the internet is grim, end of. You gave him a choice bweetn fake relationships and a real one and he chose the fake one that demands nothing of him (except money). Not a guy I would be interested in…

ChargingBuck · 07/10/2021 17:02

You cant just decide for him what his intentions are.

There's no deciding that needs doing, @Cas112

He likes following half-naked, provocatively posed young women that he doesn't know, & spends a lot of time doing so even in the company of his own g/f.

Tell me how many other "intentions" he has around these young women, apart from the single, glaringly obvious one?

Rainbowandstarz · 07/10/2021 18:37

It's hard because alot of men are like this. My boyfriend follows 3 or 4 random local girls but isn't friends with them. He has a few women on his Facebook he clearly finds attractive and has added for that reason. He likes all his old female school friends pictures and it's obvious which ones he is interested in. He's told me his ex used to get mardy and ask who certain women were.

Basically he likes checking out women a little. I don't like it but unless I have reason to think he's meeting them or messaging them in a way that is unfair to me I try to shrug it off. He never comments. Apart from once he wrote wow underneath a womens photo. She's made no effort to interact with him and we were on a break at that point.

It's the way things are now for alot of us. The joys of social media!

HateJudgmentalPeople · 07/10/2021 18:49

@Rainbowandstarz

It's hard because alot of men are like this. My boyfriend follows 3 or 4 random local girls but isn't friends with them. He has a few women on his Facebook he clearly finds attractive and has added for that reason. He likes all his old female school friends pictures and it's obvious which ones he is interested in. He's told me his ex used to get mardy and ask who certain women were.

Basically he likes checking out women a little. I don't like it but unless I have reason to think he's meeting them or messaging them in a way that is unfair to me I try to shrug it off. He never comments. Apart from once he wrote wow underneath a womens photo. She's made no effort to interact with him and we were on a break at that point.

It's the way things are now for alot of us. The joys of social media!

Yeah I think the school mates one works for both sexes, when I had FB then I was pals with about 100 old school mates, they remind you of an easier time, your youth, the fun that you had etc etc.

rainbowdashsneeze · 07/10/2021 18:51

@Cas112

Where has OP mentioned only fans and paying for sexual stuff? You guys are crazy haha!

Paying for only fans, yes might be a bit different but following on instagram? Its not that deep, get over it.

Men and women aren’t the same and have different intentions You also cant just decide in your own brain who has what intentions, you don't know this boy. You cant just decide for him what his intentions are.

All of this is probably just his way of showing he wont be told what to do, if my partner had told me to unfollow people after 6 months I would quite rightly have told him to piss off, same way if this was a man telling the OP to unfollow people you there would be uproar.

It said in the op the profiles had links to the only fans page.

Counterbottle · 07/10/2021 21:47

So for those who say he is being controlling by thinking this is sleazy and asking him to stop . He would also be controlling if he asked her not to send similar photos of herself to other men Right?

OP just because other women put up with this doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards and accept it
You cannot stop him or anyone doing what they want but you CAN control who you want to be in a relationship with