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Original poster

Boyfriend won't delete girls he doesn't know on social media

101 replies

lola1987 · 06/10/2021 19:51

Hi I'm new on here but desperate for some advice so please be kind!
I've been with my bf for 6 months but just noticed he had loads of women friends on his social media that he doesn't know, but are the sort of girls that are not the kind you'd feel comfortable with your boyfriend having on there. Eg. Big Boobs on display in underwear, bum out and very sexual pics on their profiles, even some with links to their 'only fans'. I confronted him and asked that he unfriended any girls that he doesn't actually know, and he admitted that he doesn't know them. However, he refuses to delete them saying he won't be dictated to and won't delete them as he's had them on there for years. I had noticed that sometimes he spends hours upon hours active on Facebook till the early hours of the morning and I think this is really suspicious behaviour and said I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't consider my feelings. Am I being paranoid or do I have a right to be upset and have I done the right thing finishing things?

OP posts:
Counterbottle · 06/10/2021 23:05

And yeah he had the right to act like a sleazy pervert if he likes
And you have the right not to want to date sleazy perverts Smile

Snickers94 · 06/10/2021 23:12

I don't think your being controlling - I, and many other women, would hate it too. It's disrespectful imo when you're in a relationship to be ogling other scantily clad women who are showing off their butts and promoting their onlyfans. Like why do those women mean so much to him that he is willing to hurt his girlfriends feelings by keeping them on there.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 06/10/2021 23:17

It was a complete mismatch from the start.

He has every right to have whoever he wants on social media, you can't tell him who he can and can't talk to.

You have every right not to like it and end things.

One of you would have ended up resentful of the other.

Move on and find someone more compatible with your values and he can move on and find someone more compatible with his.

LadybirdyBirdylady · 06/10/2021 23:26

@facelessworrier

Yes you're being controlling. I wouldn't to be dictated to about who I can or can't be friends with.

However, I wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to be friends with a load of half naked random strangers on the internet as it basically just screams he's a creepy perv.

Dump him, not because he won't unfriend them, but because he's the kind of guy that follows them in the first place.

This.

I'd never ask someone to change their behaviour. If I don't like their behaviour, I walk away.

YRGAM · 07/10/2021 00:03

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 07/10/2021 00:07

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

Op (or the guy) should end things, it's not hypocritical to say that. They have come across an issue neither wishes to compromise on so the relationship won't work.

SpindleWhirl · 07/10/2021 00:19

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

But the answer's the same - if you don't like the behaviour, don't go out with them.

(And why hang out on a board you don't like? You can hide boards, you know. Lots of MNers hide Relationships.)

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/10/2021 00:21

@YRGAM
Exactly! And I’m bisexual.....so should I go delete all the friends I have on social media that happen to be attractive and have posted racy photos because I have to prove I don’t think men and women are sex objects, I’m not a total pervert or sleaze ball, and my poor DH must feel so disrespected and hurt. I obviously need to purge my social media and only have friends that are suitably ugly and respectable because my totally not controlling DHs feelings are paramount. In fact, the best thing is to have my DH go through all my social media and tell me who I can keep or not keep as a friend. Wouldn’t want him to be upset.

bethabean · 07/10/2021 00:25

I don't think you're being controlling. There's no way I'd be happy if my dp had half naked girls all over his social media! Says a lot about what they think of women and it's disrespectful and gross to me!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/10/2021 00:32

They aren't friends. He doesn't even know them! He just keeps them to perve at them

Suprima · 07/10/2021 00:41

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

Erm, it’s not really the same though- as these women are cam girls. I think any bloke wouldn’t want their girlfriend being Facebook friends with men who wank on webcam for money (except this doesn’t happen as men are only sexually objectified for the benefit of other men).

WhAT if tHE tABlEs WeRe TuRNed?!?

Lol it’s not the same table

What a weird faux sex equality hill to die on

NiceGerbil · 07/10/2021 00:42

In general my advice is

Ditch of course..

Or if not going to do that.
Follow loads of gorgeous partially clad men on whatever and make sure he notices. Eg browse through them while sitting next to him. Or on phones prior to sleep etc.
For max impact ones aiming at gay men. The poses etc tend to be especially disturbing to men. Because they are closer to the poses women adopt when wanting to appeal to straight men. Going to describe this badly. More flirty come and get me. As it were.
Most straight men feel really uncomfy seeing scantily clad men looking like that

NiceGerbil · 07/10/2021 00:43

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

If she's looking at boys then that's illegal surely...
HateJudgmentalPeople · 07/10/2021 00:48

I don’t see it as controlling either and I see why you are upset, he doesn’t know the women which means he is truly only online pals with them because of the way they look, this would make me feel insecure and I would leave him dumped, I don’t know what age you are or what age your man is but he sounds juvenile, and I don’t do the socials and I don’t like men that do either, I like men my age (40) and I think a 40 year old man having Instagram or snapchat is fucking weird, it’s for the young imo, and it’s just another avenue to meet women, which is why I believe lots of men have socials, I don’t trust men to be faithful anyway so that may cloud my judgement but social media causes many issues in relationships and I can see why, life is easier without it.

NoNotMeNoSiree · 07/10/2021 01:10

Yeah, I wouldn't like that either, and I'm usually like we're not the boss of each other, can be friends with who we like!
This though?
He's friended women he's never met just on their looks and only fans pages.
Eh, no.
Think would he like it if you were to friend lots of blokes for their looks and only fan type pages?
I doubt he would

RantyAunty · 07/10/2021 01:18

You've done the right thing.

Those girls are his late night wanking fodder.

Grim.

Counterbottle · 07/10/2021 02:51

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

Not the same at all and the only hypocracy is from ken enjoy would compare cam girls to men a woman doesn’t know
Funny isn’t it how men seem to thi n the sex industry is their right and no different to a woman having male celebrities or fandom guys on their Instagram Yoh can bet your ass not one of those guys would be cool with ‘ his girlfriend ‘ sending pictures of herself dressed like these cam girls / instamodels to random men There’s the hypocracy !
Counterbottle · 07/10/2021 02:53

You know OP the cards t he thinks there’s nothing to these pictures entirely gives you the right to send pictures of a similar nature to any guy you like .
I wouldn’t suggest nude ( purely because of privacy ) but bikini or whatever or minus your face
It’s your right huh . Don’t let any man dictate to you Smile

girlmom21 · 07/10/2021 07:20

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

Her issue isn't that they're female. Her issue is that they're almost naked women who he doesn't actually know.

If they were friends who just chose to dress that way that's different.

Joystir59 · 07/10/2021 07:24

I wouldn't get involved with someone who wants loads of objectifying images on their phone. We wouldn't be on the same page from the get go. He sounds naff and immature and you come across as lacking in self esteem.

LadybirdyBirdylady · 07/10/2021 07:51

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

It's unreasonable to expect someone else to bend to your will and change their behaviour for you.

It is reasonable to dump someone who behaves in ways you're not comfortable with.

The sex of eiher person is irrelevant.

Your post makes no sense

solarsky · 07/10/2021 07:57

He's sleazy and will always have an eye for other women.

fanjosaysi · 07/10/2021 08:35

@YRGAM

'My girlfriend won't delete boys she doesn't know on social media.'

How does that sound to any commenters advising the OP to dump him? Acceptable? Didn't think so. Rank hypocrisy, as is so often seen on this board.

Sigh. Let me guess, it's controls g if you don't like your partner sleeping around, too?

Really dont know why some people are acting so sanctimonious. I have no issue with my OH viewing porn but this is a step further. This is Facebook, claiming to be 'friends' with a bunch of girls with only fans.

Unless you're in an open relationship, why would anyone be ok with that? Facebook, not a Google search. He can literally interact with them

The only thing I agreed with is walking away- but not because she's controlling but because he'll just get secretive about it.

DuchessOfDisaster · 07/10/2021 09:38

@lollypop29

I'd let him get on with it to be honest. They're only people on the Internet, you're the one that has him and have a commitment with each other x
I wouldn't. It shows what he is as a person, ie pathetic.
DuchessOfDisaster · 07/10/2021 09:39

@Counterbottle

Op it’s sleazy and shows that he values women for their tits and asses . Tell him you won’t be with a man who sees women like that Perhaps ask him who are the women he admires and respect . I can almost garantee you he will be stumped or offer you women based on their appearance He sees women as objects , ornaments to decorate his life and entertain him You can do so much better
Absolutely this.
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