Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Paying for hotel for boyfriends birthday ...too much?

78 replies

nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 17:49

We have been together 4 months.
It's his birthday in 5 weeks.
I've bought him a couple of gifts and I've paid for a hotel in London for two nights (£160)
I've told him I will pay for dinner one night too.

Is this okay?
Too much ?
Enough ?

OP posts:
hellosunshineagainx · 04/10/2021 17:49

Too much

NaToth · 04/10/2021 17:50

That feels like too much to me too.

Viddy2021 · 04/10/2021 17:50

Too much -- unless he's already done similar for you?

Prisonbreak · 04/10/2021 17:50

If I was on the receiving end I’d be put off by this. Wayyyy to much

LaRobeRouge · 04/10/2021 17:51

I'd say too much. Best not to set such high expectations early on in my opinion, but then again it's all relative. You could be a millionaire for all I know!

OtherInfo · 04/10/2021 17:53

I wouldn't be booking anything in 5 weeks time for a 4 month old relationship and I'd be a bit put off by the underlying assumption in someone else doing it for me.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 04/10/2021 17:53

Too much.
Hope you've started saving for Christmas as there's a chance he will be expecting a big gift ..

Original poster
nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 17:53

I'm not a millionaire unfortunately ha ha
I told him I would pay for the hotel
Then last night we went out for food and he paid the bill £55 so I said no let's go half's ..he wouldn't let me
So then I said ..ok but I'm paying for your meal when we are away

OP posts:
Seesawmummadaw · 04/10/2021 17:54

Do you want to and can you afford to?

Why are you worried? What’s making you question it?

Original poster
nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 17:56

Yeah I can afford too,I've worked it out so it's after my pay day.
I wasn't sure if it was too much or not as my birthday is in December and we have nothing planned for that

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 04/10/2021 17:57

It feels too much and it makes you look a bit desperate.

Why were you trying to go halves last night when he paid for a meal? It sounds as though you are trying to 'buy' affection.

FinallyHere · 04/10/2021 17:59

we have nothing planned for that

What is your strategy going to be for that ? Leave it to see what he plans or just start talking about what you want to do ?

I prefer to plan my own birthday (and grew up in a community where the birthday person invited and paid, whether it was a run of biscuits or a meal out) so I may not be such a good guide.

I could never wait to see what he did plan but would kinds like to know what he would have done (if anything at all)

MintyGreenDream · 04/10/2021 17:59

Well I'd been with my now dh 8 weeks and he paid for us to go to Spain for a week for my birthday.It all depends on how much you can afford it and how close you are i suppose

BornIn78 · 04/10/2021 18:01

This is too much.

I also don’t get the idea of noticeably keeping a tally of who has paid for what… so what if he bought dinner last night, why the need to immediately commit to a repayment for that, in 5 weeks time?

knittingaddict · 04/10/2021 18:04

It is too much, but you've said it now, so backtracking will involve an awkward conversation. He knows about the hotel? How did he react when you said you would pay for a meal too? How have you split costs so far?

I think a weekend away in a hotel is fine if that's what you want to do, but I wouldn't do it as a birthday present. I would have suggested it and gone 50/50 with costs.

Like I said, too late now.

Pinkbonbon · 04/10/2021 18:06

Oh gosh, far too much. At 4 months in I wouldnt be looking to spend more than 30 quid on a present.

My partner bought me a 45 quid game for my birthday at around that time and i thought it was wayyyyy to much.

workshy44 · 04/10/2021 18:06

Yes I think it is too much- paying for the hotel is enough and you have bought gifts also!!!
I would let him pay for dinner while away and don't mention paying again. If he expects you to pay and holds back you will learn a lot.
I had a friend do this once, he totally took advantage in the end although I don't believe it was his original intention. He just got so entitled

Lightisnotwhite · 04/10/2021 18:07

Too much.

If he’s not that into you you’ll have wasted your money.
If he’s really into you ,he’ll feel he has to have to equal it in present value now or look tight.

Change the date to your birthday and invite him.

Suprima · 04/10/2021 18:09

This is only okay if he regularly gets you flowers/or your equivalent, is romantic, picks up snacks and drinks that you enjoy in his food shop for when you come over and is also very thoughtful about gifts.

Does he?

Or are you treating him as you wish to be treated?

dudsville · 04/10/2021 18:10

It really depends on your circumstances. It's a nice gift and I think a nice gift can be given with confidence and not look desperate at all. I think those worried that it looks desperate are coming from a more anxious place.

Original poster
nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 18:11

@MadMadMadamMim I didn't want him to think I was taking advantage letting him pay the full meal

OP posts:
Original poster
nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 18:13

He always buys me flowers
Has bought me a memorial gift after my dog passed away.
He has paid for food a lot of the time etc
So he is really kind to me

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 04/10/2021 18:14

If you both will enjoy it, its a treat for you too, so it's not too much.

If it was something like his (not yours and his0 hobby-related gift it would be far too much

Original poster
nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 18:15

We will both enjoy it yeah.
We haven't planned anything specific to do for my birthday but he has said in London he wants me to pick some things I like as gifts for birthday /Xmas

OP posts:
thesplashing · 04/10/2021 18:17

That's a lovely idea OP, he sounds very lucky.

Nothing wrong with spending that much in the honeymoon period. As long as you can afford it and want to.

Get in the fun treats now before marriage and kids.Grin