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Original poster

Paying for hotel for boyfriends birthday ...too much?

78 replies

nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 17:49

We have been together 4 months.
It's his birthday in 5 weeks.
I've bought him a couple of gifts and I've paid for a hotel in London for two nights (£160)
I've told him I will pay for dinner one night too.

Is this okay?
Too much ?
Enough ?

OP posts:
darklindor · 04/10/2021 22:14

But OP is only spending half of that amount on him, the other half is on herself. He'll be paying for joint stuff too while they're away I expect.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 04/10/2021 22:31

It's something you are going to be enjoying too. It's not like you've spent hundreds on a present. It's a couple of nights away for you both

feeficken · 05/10/2021 06:58

I’m on the side of it isn’t too much, as long as you can afford it and there is a balance of giving and paying for things in the relationship I don’t see the problem at all.

Go enjoy yourselves and have fun I’m sure you will both have a great time.

ilovebw · 05/10/2021 07:02

I don't think it's too much either. I think it's a lovely gift - something you can both enjoy and it gives you opportunity to spend time together. 4 months is the exciting stage - enjoy it!

Aspiringmatriarch · 05/10/2021 07:07

It is a bit too much but let him pay for your travel and any other things like coffee and lunches while you're there (assuming he's not hard up). As you've said you'll pay for a meal I think you'd better stick to that. Maybe say it's a joint treat/ Christmas treat too? Have a lovely time.

icedcoffees · 05/10/2021 07:13

I'm really surprised by these comments - I think it's fine if you can afford it.

DH took me to Edinburgh for a week after only a couple of months of dating. It was an amazing gift Smile I paid for some things but he insisted on paying for the hotel, fuel to get there and back and a nice meal.

RosesAndHellebores · 05/10/2021 07:19

It's a joint experience and I hope what you want to do too and wouldn't otherwise. You know the relationship and where you want it to head and whether you can easily afford it.

BeaLola · 05/10/2021 07:20

I think you are overthinking

Go with your gut - you were happy to arrange and buy this and have said you can afford this - hope you both have a very lovely time

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 05/10/2021 07:41

Mrs. Hr and I spent 3 nights in CP on a spa weekend after only 2 months.
We moved in together when we got back.
We've not looked back since.

Fluffypastelslippers · 05/10/2021 07:55

I don't think it's too much but I stay in London regularly and tbh that's very cheap for 2 nights - even if it's just a premier inn. I often pay that for one night in London at a PI.

redpontipine · 05/10/2021 08:01

I don't think so, but I went on holiday with DH after a month.
I often wonder if it depends where you're dating too I know people rurally who move much quicker than people in the cities.
I think a night away in a hotel with someone you have been seeing for four months is completely normal.
Also enjoy your trip and if it doesn't work out then so what. You still had a (hopefully) good experience.

Dyrne · 05/10/2021 08:03

I think it’s a lovely gesture but I’d maybe dial back in the future as it sounds like you can’t afford this sort of extravagance - you say you can afford it because “it’s after payday” but to be honest If you don’t have a spare £200–odd now you’re not really in the best financial position to be spending that much on a regular basis.

Dial it back in the future - the gift can be the experience you get him, you don’t need to do gifts and trips away.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/10/2021 08:07

I think it's too much but it's done now.

I want to know how you managed to get a hotel in London for £80 a night!

Collaborate · 05/10/2021 08:10

I don’t get those posters saying it’s too much. Seems about right to me. You’re paying his half - £80.

Ignore the relationship killjoys and have a nice time away.

Simplelobsterhat · 05/10/2021 08:12

Amazed at how old school and sexist some of the views on this thread are.... if you will enjoy the weekend away too and can afford it, what's the big deal? Why can't woman make a fuss of she man in the exciting new phase of a relationship? And I don't think the meal even comes into it if it's your turn to pay after he did this time.
I can kind of see people's points about planning 5 weeks ahead of time after 4 months being maybe a bit presumptuous, but you know how things are going between you.

I am however interested in why you asked. You've already told him about it so it's decided. Why are you questioning it now? Did he say something? I guess you could maybe return one present if he doesn't know about them yet if you are worried.

TheWestIsTheBest · 05/10/2021 08:25

@CrumpetStrumpet

Far too much.

I can say hand on heart that I have never made a big gesture gift wise for a man that I didn't regret. He should be the one doing the treating, with you making the occasional gesture of your own. Men do not value being bought big gifts etc. the way women do. It usually just tells them you are someone to potentially be taken advantage of.

Gosh, that's a bit bloody sexist! I have treated my husband to big gifts and surprises a few times over the years, and he has treated me the same. It's a lovely thing to do if you can afford it and you are on the same page!
rawhidebone · 05/10/2021 08:40

I don't understand the problem, bit surprised by the responses. Surely the first 6 months or so of dating is the time for all this sort of stuff?

arapacis · 05/10/2021 09:02

I don't think this is too much. Only you know what vibes you get from him! When I met my now DH, we took each other on weekends away within the first few months and within the year had bought a house together. We were mid 20s. We've been together nearly 10 years now and not regretted any of the (supposedly quick) choices that we made.

IsabellesMissingSock · 05/10/2021 09:13

I think it's fine and sounds really nice! And tbh £80 a night is a bargain for a hotel in London. Hope you have a great time OP!

Lanique · 05/10/2021 09:15

If you can afford it comfortably op, you might as well. You too will benefit from half of it and if you have a lovely time you will always have (hopefully!) nice memories.

squashyhat · 05/10/2021 09:19

@nataliesalybh

We will both enjoy it yeah. We haven't planned anything specific to do for my birthday but he has said in London he wants me to pick some things I like as gifts for birthday /Xmas
So that's setting a precedent then. You go all out with thoughtful gifts and he just throws money at the problem Hmm
girlmom21 · 05/10/2021 09:20

It's not too much. It's really nice. People who are saying it'd freak them out 4 months (5 by his birthday) in are weird. I'd expect to have a good idea whether the relationship will last by then!

Yeah I can afford too,I've worked it out so it's after my pay day.

Be careful doing this though. If you're relying on pay day to be able to afford it don't leave yourself short at the end of the month. Do you often spend £250 a month on treats? Is that your only spare cash for the month?

Aspiringmatriarch · 05/10/2021 09:37

So that's setting a precedent then. You go all out with thoughtful gifts and he just throws money at the problem

That's a bit harsh! He's not obligated to go 'all out' and it sounds like they're in a lovely honeymoon phase and he's reciprocating etc.

cherehhdg · 05/10/2021 09:49

He has done some really thoughtful gestures.
When my dog passed away he ordered me a necklace with my dogs name and birthday on as a nice reminder
He brings me flowers
He knows I love Christmas so last week brought me over some traditional Santa he had found at a shop near his work.

Maryann1975 · 05/10/2021 21:29

I think it’s fine to be spending out on a weekend away after 4 months. Dh and I had 5 days away after 2 months together- he paid for it all, as he could afford the expense, there’s no way I could have afforded it. Nowadays, mortgage, cars and 3 dc later, treats like that are a distant memory, but I’m so glad we did it when we were able.

If the relationship works out, you will have a lovely memory to look back on and if it doesn’t end up as a long term thing, at least you had a good weekend having fun.

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