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Original poster

Paying for hotel for boyfriends birthday ...too much?

78 replies

nataliesalybh · 04/10/2021 17:49

We have been together 4 months.
It's his birthday in 5 weeks.
I've bought him a couple of gifts and I've paid for a hotel in London for two nights (£160)
I've told him I will pay for dinner one night too.

Is this okay?
Too much ?
Enough ?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 04/10/2021 18:20

[quote nataliesalybh]@MadMadMadamMim I didn't want him to think I was taking advantage letting him pay the full meal [/quote]
So you're paying nearlt 3 times the cost of the meak plus another meal.

You bought him presents, they are his presemts but the cost of the hotel should be a joint purchase.

You're paving the way to be taken advantage of if he is so inclined. Because this smacks of low self esteem.

He treated you to one meal ffs. Just say thankyou (You don't owe him payback).

Do you not think you are worthy of him treating you to dinner? Do you think items you owe him something? Do you think he won't like you if you don't overcompensate with money?

PinkSyCo · 04/10/2021 18:20

It’s way too much seeing as it’s such a new relationship. What worries me more is that you’re already wondering what he will be getting you for your birthday when it’s still two months away. Will you feel shortchanged if he doesn’t spend 200 odd quid on you?

Pinkbonbon · 04/10/2021 18:21

*it means not items

CottonSock · 04/10/2021 18:32

My dh did this for me early on. Been married 12 years now, together 16. Ignore the doubters and have a great time. A night away and a meal out is a shared gift.

squeak17 · 04/10/2021 18:35

It can’t just be me who thinks all these “omg it’s way too much” comments are a bit much.

Yes it’s expensive and may be a little extortionate for a birthday but no one knows their financial situation.
Plus, what’s wrong with a hotel and a meal? Hardly a grand proposal on a yacht? Let them live a little, I think it sounds like a lovely idea.

Have fun op 🥳

Suprima · 04/10/2021 18:46

@nataliesalybh

He always buys me flowers Has bought me a memorial gift after my dog passed away. He has paid for food a lot of the time etc So he is really kind to me
Well he sounds like a good egg. Enjoy your weekend away.

But stop the silly dances about paying half. If he wants to treat you to dinner, let him. Fighting to the death to pay half is extremely desperate.

jelly79 · 04/10/2021 18:52

Relax a bit. It you want to treat him, treat him. And let him do the same when he mentions it

LetHimHaveIt · 04/10/2021 19:05

Fuck me. I don't think it's 'wayyyyy' 🙄 too much. Or even way too much. I bought my boyfriend a £300 iPod within a few months. He was looking at it in HMV and I took it to the till when he wandered over to the DVD imports. The memory of his face when I handed him the plastic bag still makes me smile. He'd take me to two and three Michelin starred restaurants. We were young, child-free, and had a fair amount of disposable cash (I'd made the iPod money with a couple of decent nights' tips). It was a giddy and carefree time 🤣 Nowadays a box of Matchmakers sounds dangerously extravagant.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/10/2021 19:08

Generally I would say it’s too much. There’s no need to spend huge amounts on a new boyfriend, as long as your gift is thoughtful and tailored to him.

And I agree that you should let him treat you to meals.

Hope you have a lovely time in London

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 04/10/2021 19:11

I don't think it's too much if it feels right for you. £160 os for two of you and you're having two nights away somewhere.

Those saying it's too much would you think that if a man was spending that on his gf (genuine question)

WonderWoman1234 · 04/10/2021 19:16

I would think too much for something so new.

scoobydoo1971 · 04/10/2021 19:16

Do what you feel happy doing, and whatever is within your financial limits. I am in a long distance relationship and book hotels in London every fortnight to see my boyfriend. He offers to pay but I refuse as my income is much more than his, and he already pays to travel into the city. He pays for my dinner and drinks, as a gesture. It is not 'desperate' or 'needy'...it is a practical arrangement based around the hopes of two people who live hundreds of miles away that a long term relationship will evolve. I would not overthink this too much. You are not buying his affection with a weekend away. Have a good time!

SarahBellam · 04/10/2021 19:23

I took mine to Rome after 6 months. I'd always wanted to go so I bought it for us for Christmas. If you enjoy London then you'll have a great time. It's better to spend money on activities and memories than stuff.

Mangofandangoo · 04/10/2021 19:27

I don't think it's too much. If you think he will enjoy it and you can afford it then there's no issue in my opinion.

You can always change your mind and take a friend instead Smile

nordicnorth · 04/10/2021 19:37

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

I don't think it's too much if it feels right for you. £160 os for two of you and you're having two nights away somewhere.

Those saying it's too much would you think that if a man was spending that on his gf (genuine question)

Yes I would. I wouldn't want a boyfriend to spend that much on me, I'd find it quite embarrassing. And I wouldn't even spend that much on my husband of 10 years. It isn't just £160 for the hotel. It's the meal out, in London which I can't imagine is going to be cheap, plus the other gifts already bought.
havemybreakfastthen · 04/10/2021 20:16

I think it's a lovely idea and if you can afford it then of course it's not too much.
I bought my boyfriend of 4 months a similarly priced gift for his birthday - he loves it and I enjoyed giving it to him.
He also buys me gifts and is a caring, generous and considerate boyfriend.
We enjoy treating each other. Enjoy your time away.

Justbecauseofit · 04/10/2021 20:59

2 months in to our relationship my partner paid for a week away in Scotland for my birthday... it wasn't too much although I didn't expect it. Had a wonderful time.

If you can afford it and you aren't putting yourself out then go for it.

CrumpetStrumpet · 04/10/2021 21:00

Far too much.

I can say hand on heart that I have never made a big gesture gift wise for a man that I didn't regret. He should be the one doing the treating, with you making the occasional gesture of your own. Men do not value being bought big gifts etc. the way women do. It usually just tells them you are someone to potentially be taken advantage of.

Womaninthistown · 04/10/2021 21:25

@squeak17

It can’t just be me who thinks all these “omg it’s way too much” comments are a bit much.

Yes it’s expensive and may be a little extortionate for a birthday but no one knows their financial situation.
Plus, what’s wrong with a hotel and a meal? Hardly a grand proposal on a yacht? Let them live a little, I think it sounds like a lovely idea.

Have fun op 🥳

Same! Do what feels right for you and your relationship.

Have a great time!

altmember · 04/10/2021 21:41

As long as you're ok with it then it's fine. I presume you'll be staying in the hotel with him, so you're getting some benefit from the gift too.

Only the two of you know how serious your relationship is at this stage. Certainly a bunch of random people on the internet haven't got a clue, so ignore all those PPs.
I once spent £100 odd on a new partner's (6 weeks in) birthday gift, they ghosted me the next week. Maybe I'm a mug, but the point is you spend what you're comfortable with spending on someone, and you never know when they might call things off.

yellowcourgette · 04/10/2021 21:44

@thesplashing

That's a lovely idea OP, he sounds very lucky.

Nothing wrong with spending that much in the honeymoon period. As long as you can afford it and want to.

Get in the fun treats now before marriage and kids.Grin

Agree with this. How intense/developed your relationship is may different from others. If you are happy with it and it is not out of the ordinary in comparison with the rest of your relationship then fine.

If someone did this for me I would be really thrilled. My relationships and general life is quite intense and I can't be doing with meh.

Have fun :)

Marineboy67 · 04/10/2021 21:44

It's your money and entirely up to you how you want to spend it. All these 'to soon' brigade ignore them. One life and just go out and enjoy it, that's the reason I go to work to enjoy my money. I get great pleasure out of treating others if I can, certainly more than receiving. Hope you enjoy you and your partners weekend away.

Shalala22 · 04/10/2021 21:55

If you're happy to spend the money, then spend the money :) hope you have a great weekend! I would just do what makes you happy, and it's nice to be nice. If things go wrong at a later date, then so be it. But as long as you had a fun weekend and can afford it, there's no harm done!

Sakurami · 04/10/2021 22:01

Why so extravagant? Why 2 gifts on top of 2 nights hotel and a meal? I wouldn't accept that if I were him regardless of my feelings for you. Let him pay for the meals and only give him a token gift save the other ones for xmas

Siry · 04/10/2021 22:08

I don’t think it’s too much if you can afford it.

If you can’t then it is!

I like spending money on other people. It’s no big deal as long as you have it.

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