Why does he do this? (Gaslighting??)

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

Have a pretty new boyfriend (three months). So far we have done virtually nothing together apart from a few meals out locally and a few evenings in pubs. No special meals, days out, cinema, cultural or sporting events, no meeting each other's friends or family. He has turned down quite a few suggestions I've made (concerts, exhibitions, trip away, meeting friends for a drink) and several other things we've talked about simply haven't happened.

I suggested we go to see the new Bond film, thinking this was a fairly innocuous idea and something a newish couple can do together. No, he'd rather wait until it's available online. He then said there was a new Matrix film coming out soon, so I asked, why not wait until that came out online? "Because it's more of a big screen movie."

Seriously? A Bond film isn't enough of a big screen movie to warrant going to the cinema? Is he gaslighting me?

Not gaslighting but argumentative. I couldn't be bothered with that. Go and see the new JB on your own!

Good on you. I've (briefly) dated these people. Food-related meeting up for convenience, but can't be bothered to put in any effort for actual dates.
One was looking for a housewife to mate and mortgage with asap, and had no interest in getting to know me. Did his name start with A by any chance, and did he only ever call you when in the supermarket, or while driving and bored?...

He's sounds like a real catch.

Have you told him why you're blocking him, or are you ghosting him?

Yes you’ve only been seeing him three months - he doesn’t want to do anything that you suggest - has agreed to events but not followed through - controls what you cook + or tries too.
Deathly dull!!! 😁
He sounds very tight or very controlling or both.
Pleased you’ve blocked him.
Bond is about 2.5 hours - not 4.

Are you dating my ex? He sounds exactly the same and was such a bore. Find someone who will enjoy life with you

It felt very much like he was trying to make me doubt my reality

As an isolated incident, what you described with him expressing an opinion about a movie does not mean he's trying to make you doubt your reality. It's just him expressing an opinion about a movie.

However, what you said about him wanting to make all the decisions and always be in control is more concerning. Also about him commenting on what you're cooking and the "half truths". Those things are more worrying. I still don't think it's gaslighting from what you describe but you don't need to put a label on it just because that word is being tossed around a lot at the moment.

If he's making you feel uncomfortable then just leave the relationship. It doesn't matter whether or not you label it "gaslighting".

I don't think he's gaslighting, but I do think he's a person I would find boring. I'd end it so he can find someone who enjoys quiet nights in as much as he does and you can find someone who enjoys actually leaving the house.

Also good for you for blocking him!

Just came on to say, I have been with my partner for well over a year, we live together and are engaged to be married, and we too have never done the majority of the things you mentioned as activities together. No concerts, theatre, no sporting or cultural events, no cinema. This is partly Covid-related, partly because money is tight (not so tight that we couldn’t do them if we really wanted to, but tight enough to prefer to spend it on other things), partly because we just enjoy other’s company and hanging out at home or the local. We HAVE had loads of trips away - but that’s only because we have a van we can sleep in. We’ve met each other’s friends and family obviously, but certainly hadn’t after just three months. I can count on one hand the number of times we have eaten out together, and none have been what you would call a “special” meal. And if he suggested going to see Bond it would be an absolute no from me as I loathe Bond because the original novels are so sexist! We do watch films and sporting events and documentaries and concerts on TV, we eat nice food that we cook, we read books and talk about them - that type of thing. We just aren’t in a position to go out all the time spending money on these things. We will no doubt do some of them in time…..

Yet we are very happy and the relationship works for us. Different strokes for different folks - the fact that somebody doesn’t want to do these things doesn’t make them bad relationship material necessarily. Just means they aren’t the one for you.

However, having read some of your updates this one does sound like a bit of a rude tosser, so I do think you were quite right to get rid! Onwards and upwards!