Unappreciative 15 year old DD

[Workinghardeveryday]

I have 3 kids, dd15 and ds10, dd10.

My eldest doesn’t lift a finger to help around the house, she will clean her room about once a week.

Leaves a trail of mess wherever she has been ie, after washing her hair bathroom covered in conditioner, bottles everywhere, conditioner on wall mirror etc. Mugs and plates left wherever she has been, doesn’t even take her plate away from the table after tea.

I am fed up of it. I am fed up of feeling like a maid with no thanks. I have tried and tried to get her to help and pull her weight and she doesn’t.

On top of the above she is so rude!!! No manners, doesn’t make an effort to be friendly if she is that way out which is most of the time. Looks at me like shit.

Yesterday she was having a bad day and txt me about it. I wanted to do something nice for her so made her Brownies which are her favourite. Made the mixture, went to get baking paper and all gone, same with tinfoil (she used it all for something and never said). Had to go to the shop with ds10 who was off school poorly.

Anyway, she came back from school and sat in garden with her bf. I asked them both if they would like a Brownie and I had made them for her to cheer her up. She bit into it and pulled a disgusted face, said they weren’t cooked and horrible. Bf didn’t try his because of that.

May I add I make these a lot and she loves them. They were definitely cooked absolutely fine.

I was so hurt. It was the final straw. She knew I would feel humiliated in front of her bf which I did. She made me feel stupid, she does it a lot. I even said to dp I feel bullied by her.

What do I do to make her nice?!! It’s not a teenager thing. She has always been like this.

I love her with all my heart but I just don’t think she is a nice person most of the time. She bully’s ds too which I am constantly talking to her about.

I am fed up with it all. Any advice?

Long may it continue

and

if it doesn't just remember teenagers are the devil

but once they stop being teenagers and hit about 25 years old they stop being the devil

Choose your battles, emotionally cut off when possible to protect yourself.

Her rude back chat with isn't on, if she is going to speak to you like that tell her you won't speak to her, she'll learn she can't get away with it.
I was an absolutely horrible messy moody teenager my hormones really messed me up.
Good luck.

Call child services and tell them to come get her. She is abusive to the two younger children and you allow it which is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. They are depending on you to protect them. From anyone. At 16 you can legally kick her out, but if you tell them that she is harming the other children they will remove her and put her in a care home tomorrow. That is what I woudl do. Let her see how much of a boss she is around some REALLY tough kids. She thinks she is some big bad gangsta over 10 year olds and parents that love her and coddle her. Let her go into an environment where nobody cares about her and doesn't let her get away with this nonsense that you and your man do. She is a spoiled brat. And it's too late for you to fix it. Other people (harder kids and the system) are going to have to step in and straighten her entitled butt out. Give her a dose of that. Get family therapy as part of the process. Maybe then you can have a decent relationship with your eldest. But right now there is nothing you can do here becasue your response patterns are too set.

With 12 and 10 year old dd I'm expecting this any minute. Sounds incredibly frustrating and I'm not sure how well I'll handle being talked to like that.

Question to all the experienced mums on here, in your view at what age does this sort of behaviour usually start and do teenage girls generally behave like that just with their family or with teachers, neighbours, family friends as well?

I hadn't RTFT before posting and didn't take into account the laughing at disabled people and breaking things. I haven't got teenagers yet and I'm not sure if I'm being naive but if I saw my dd laughing at disabled people, it would get a massive intervention from me. I'd make her read books with disabled characters and make her volunteer.

The general rudeness and contemptuous way of talking seems typical teenager though. I am NOT looking forward to that phase as I'm quite thin skinned and don't tolaret rudeness very well.

what age does this sort of behaviour usually start and do teenage girls generally behave like that just with their family or with teachers, neighbours, family friends as well
13. No mainly rude and obnoxious at home.
Not all teenagers go through this.
I have a lot of nieces some didn't experience it, it isn't guaranteed.