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Relationships

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Original poster

Living in a house bought by my partner

106 replies

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 15:13

I thought I’d ask on here as I have no one else to ask.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for over four years and things are overall great. We both currently live at home but he stays over at mine and I stay at his. In the last 12 months, he’s told me he has a trust fund and wants to buy us a home. I won’t disclose the amount but it is a lot. He has allowed me to have a lot of input and say in the house. I actually chose the area I wanted to live in and the house and his parents asked me if I liked the house before the sale went ahead. I’ve chosen the furniture and we’ve both mutually agreed on things we want.

That house has now been bought and I haven’t contributed a penny to it in terms of furniture. We’ve already agreed that I won’t have to contribute to bills or anything like that, just to treat him to the occasional meal now-and-again. He has told his parents about this and we’ve all met and they are happy with that as his sister-in-law has a similar agreement with her husband and his parents have a similar agreement too. We plan to get married within the next 24 months and he has said if we were to get divorced then I wouldn’t be entitled to half of the house as it would be in the trust or something (not that I would want to take half of it anyway).

My question is, should I prepare for the worst case and save my money just in case he leaves me? Is anyone else in this situation? What do you do? I would ask his brother’s wife but I’m not sure how I’d approach the situation with her as I don’t know her that well.

Thanks

OP posts:

Nofacedetected · 21/09/2021 15:23

Save for a mortgage deposit.
Purchase a house with your own income.
Get DP to sign agreement not to claim on it if you split.
Live in it long enough to turn it into a buy to let.
Then you have that security should your marriage break up.

HollowTalk · 21/09/2021 15:29

Exactly what @Nofacedetected says. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.

Think of yourself in 20 or 30 years' time - if you want to leave him, where would you live?

The thing is, he's looking after his own financial interests, which is fine, but you absolutely have to do the same thing.

JSL52 · 21/09/2021 15:31

Are you planning on children ? What would there security be if you divorced?
Agree with PP, buy a house for yourself so you have security , you don't want to be starting again at 50.

FlowerArranger · 21/09/2021 15:35

You are smart to look into this now. Whether or not you choose to get a mortgage and buy a property of your own is your decision, but you may also want to look at investing in stocks, shares, bonds etc via a personal pension and/or ISAs. Whatever you do, look after your own best interest and think long term.

holrosea · 21/09/2021 15:37

I think you need to have a look at this : rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/

It is a pretty detailed list of what your rights would be of the house you live in with a married partner in the case of a divorce. Honestly, what you describe sounds very much like a guilded cage. It's a dream to not have to worry about rent/mortgage/bills, but if your relationship ever faltered, you might find yourself "beholden" to someone who controls finances and the roof over your head.

Financial independence is SO IMPORTANT (just take a look at any divorce thread from a SAHM). If you are able to work, save, and buy something in your own name, and keep it out of marital assets as he intends to do with his house, you need to start now.

GreatHitchenKitchen · 21/09/2021 15:39

Yep think long term. I have a buy to let property that I keep in my name as previously I lived in my husband's house and had no claim on it if we divorced.

We now jointly own but I have kept my property too.

I like having that security.

When your are still married in your dotage you could always give it to your nieces and nephews if you don't have kids.

SpacePotato · 21/09/2021 15:40

Assuming you work, and will have no bills to pay, you should surely have plenty of money to get yourself as much savings as possible for your own security.

Original poster

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 15:44

Yes you’re all echoing what I’m thinking. We currently have no plans to have any child and don’t really have an interest in having any.

I do work and have some savings which I thought was going to be used towards a deposit for our home but apparently not. I will look into what you’ve all suggested in terms of buy to let, ISAs & stocks. I just wonder what my boyfriend’s sister-in-law would do if her husband were to leave him as she doesn’t work. Thanks all

OP posts:

PaterPower · 21/09/2021 15:48

Are you going to continue working and earning an income? If so, PP above have the right idea. Plus you need to make sure you’re pushing money into a pension (and continue on through Mat leave or any period after if you choose to be a SAHM).

IMO you should have these sorts of discussions before you marry - make sure you’re both on the same page. Sounds like money is not something he needs to worry about in the same way you do, which means he won’t necessarily think about these things.

Fubitch · 21/09/2021 15:48

Are you sure you wouldn't be entitled to half if you divorced? We don't have pre-nups in this country, do we? I'm obviously not an expert! But, yes, buy your own property.

Wombat96 · 21/09/2021 15:48

I have a lovely DH & have always been looked after but you need to have a similar amounts of "power" in the relationship. It is much better to have independence, even if you use it to choose to live with someone.

Original poster

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 15:56

@Fubitch

Are you sure you wouldn't be entitled to half if you divorced? We don't have pre-nups in this country, do we? I'm obviously not an expert! But, yes, buy your own property.

I honestly have no idea

OP posts:

PaterPower · 21/09/2021 16:06

Also not a lawyer, but this site suggests that the house isn’t necessarily “safe” in a divorce:

vardags.com/law-guide/the-complete-guide-to-trusts-in-divorce?

JSL52 · 21/09/2021 16:46

Your SIL would have to get a job. Why doesn't she work ??

Original poster

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 16:50

@JSL52 she’s a SAHM

OP posts:

CorrBlimeyGG · 21/09/2021 17:09

The reason they're not asking you to pay any bills is so you have no claim on the property, not even a beneficial interest. What you might see as kindness is anything but.

If the property is held in trust, then if done correctly, it will be protected from outside claims by yourself.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2021 17:17

Your financial security should be your #1 priority and concern. No one thinks their currently happy relationship will crash and burn, but it happens all too often. You don't want to find yourself 10, 20 years down the line with a broken marriage and you being totally fucked financially with no way out.

girlmom21 · 21/09/2021 17:21

You'd be daft not to build a massive savings pot if you have 0 outgoings.

PaterPower · 21/09/2021 17:23

But there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s clear from the outset and as long as there’s a pre-nup (not always enforceable, I know) ring-fencing any property that OP buys either before or during the marriage.

If OP is not paying any bills then, even on a modest salary, she’s going to be able to save a good chunk of money each month. I’d take that deal.

She’s no worse off (as long as they don’t have DC) than if she and DP didn’t bother to get married and has the advantage of living in a (presumably) much nicer house and area than otherwise.

Original poster

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 17:30

@CorrBlimeyGG I have no problems with that. His family have worked very hard for their money and I would never dream of getting in the way if we were to separate. I am no worse off than I would be living at home… if that’s their reasons for it then I totally understand

OP posts:

indignatio · 21/09/2021 17:43

Do go for the prenup to protect your assets as far as you can. The trust means it is not actually his, yes a court can look behind the structure, but the family are doing all they can to protect it, do the same with your assets. So pre and then post nups

PerseverancePays · 21/09/2021 18:04

Get some legal advice. If you did marry and separate you don’t want to find yourself in the position where he gets half of your assets and you get nothing because all of his are in trust.

Original poster

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 18:05

@indignatio and I understand that. Thank you.

Thank you everyone for your advice. People might look on at my circumstance with envy but financial independence is so important. My boyfriend has actually offered to support me if I didn’t want to work anymore (he does work) and I quickly refused! I would never give up my financial freedom. Thanks again.

OP posts:

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 21/09/2021 18:06

Definitely protect your assets. And make sure anything you sign is thoroughly checked over by someone on your payroll, not his.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2021 18:07

If you're not having children, you don't want claim on the house, and you don't want him to be able to get any of your money should you divorce, I wouldn't bother getting married in the first place.

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