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Original poster

Living in a house bought by my partner

106 replies

Hayjela · 21/09/2021 15:13

I thought I’d ask on here as I have no one else to ask.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for over four years and things are overall great. We both currently live at home but he stays over at mine and I stay at his. In the last 12 months, he’s told me he has a trust fund and wants to buy us a home. I won’t disclose the amount but it is a lot. He has allowed me to have a lot of input and say in the house. I actually chose the area I wanted to live in and the house and his parents asked me if I liked the house before the sale went ahead. I’ve chosen the furniture and we’ve both mutually agreed on things we want.

That house has now been bought and I haven’t contributed a penny to it in terms of furniture. We’ve already agreed that I won’t have to contribute to bills or anything like that, just to treat him to the occasional meal now-and-again. He has told his parents about this and we’ve all met and they are happy with that as his sister-in-law has a similar agreement with her husband and his parents have a similar agreement too. We plan to get married within the next 24 months and he has said if we were to get divorced then I wouldn’t be entitled to half of the house as it would be in the trust or something (not that I would want to take half of it anyway).

My question is, should I prepare for the worst case and save my money just in case he leaves me? Is anyone else in this situation? What do you do? I would ask his brother’s wife but I’m not sure how I’d approach the situation with her as I don’t know her that well.

Thanks

OP posts:
Naunet · 21/09/2021 18:12

You’re wise to think about this now. I absolutely think you should save and buy a house of your own, even if you don’t live in it, and make sure any assets you have now or in the future, are completely protected.

Never, ever count on someone else to take care of you.

Nofacedetected · 21/09/2021 18:13

If you were to be widowed would his family chuck you out?

Original poster
Hayjela · 21/09/2021 18:15

@Nofacedetected no they wouldn’t. They have said I would have the house.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2021 18:15

@Nofacedetected

If you were to be widowed would his family chuck you out?
Excellent point and something you would really need to have ironed out legally.
Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2021 18:17

[quote Hayjela]@Nofacedetected no they wouldn’t. They have said I would have the house.[/quote]
That's all well and good, but a death and money issues change everything. You definitely need the services of a solicitor before you agree to marry him.

Original poster
Hayjela · 21/09/2021 18:23

@Aquamarine1029 that is good advice. Thank you.

OP posts:
indignatio · 21/09/2021 18:23

Sorry doom and gloom merchant here

You can have the house on being widowed, seems like an empty promise to me. The trustees would make the decision on his death, they would have to take into account a number of factors, or which you are only one.

indignatio · 21/09/2021 18:26

I'm with aquamarine, take proper advice when the time comes.

Original poster
Hayjela · 21/09/2021 18:29

@indignatio thank you. This is something that definitely needs to be discussed with a solicitor.

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 21/09/2021 18:31

If you don't have to contribute to anything other than a bit of food then I would save a good chunk of your wages each month (your outgoings will be very low), that way if the relationship did break down you would have a good deposit for another house

HalzTangz · 21/09/2021 18:32

@Nofacedetected

Save for a mortgage deposit. Purchase a house with your own income. Get DP to sign agreement not to claim on it if you split. Live in it long enough to turn it into a buy to let. Then you have that security should your marriage break up.
She doest have to live in it, she can get a buy to let mortgage from the outset
clara443 · 21/09/2021 18:34

You wold never be able to get married or have children, well not if you wanted financial protection. He will never want to leave his safe secure bubble.

I know of three unmarried ladies that were removed from houses when widowed ( both by parents and children) people are less generous when there is a few hundred grand on the table.

felulageller · 21/09/2021 18:41

If he doesnt want to share his assets with you then he doesn't really want to get married.

Stay unmarried and dont give him PRR of any DC's until you have a 50/50 stake in all of his assets.

FluffyWhiteBird · 21/09/2021 18:41

@Hayjela

Yes you’re all echoing what I’m thinking. We currently have no plans to have any child and don’t really have an interest in having any.

I do work and have some savings which I thought was going to be used towards a deposit for our home but apparently not. I will look into what you’ve all suggested in terms of buy to let, ISAs & stocks. I just wonder what my boyfriend’s sister-in-law would do if her husband were to leave him as she doesn’t work. Thanks all

You don't just need to invest it, you need to ensure he has no claim on it if you divorce. Otherwise he'll get the house and potentially half of whatever you've got.

I'd be very aware of any signs of him not liking you working or not liking how you choose to spend your wages. Sly insidious comments along the lines of:

"You don't need to do that (work)" "Isn't that job/company/boss a bit rubbish?"
"You had a bad day? I don't know why you bother working there anyway"
"Hello new person, I'm a Big Important Man. My wife? Oh she has a Little Job, it's just a hobby really"
"Why waste money on that (item)?"
"Don't bother with the overtime love, I'll miss you! How about I take you shopping instead?"

Control doesn't always look angry, it doesn't always sound like "no".

Elieza · 21/09/2021 18:43

Prenups are not legally enforceable in the U.K. so if you buy a house to rent out he could be entitled to half in a divorce.

Re your/his joint house, a house in a trust will not belong to him so it will never automatically be yours in the event of divorce or becoming a widow. They may gift it to you but you can’t rely on that.

Id secretly put money by into a separate account and tell him nothing. That’s your running away fund. A woman should always have one.

If you think he may twig, open a second account and let him know about that and admit only to that one. Keep putting some money in it but don’t go crazy as in the event of divorce you may have to give him half.

Put the most of your money into a pension. Don’t tell him.

Basically put by the money you’d have spent on your half of the mortgage.

You never know when you may need it.

indignatio · 21/09/2021 18:53

Agreed that pre and post nups don't have contractual enforcement, but they are the best we have as evidence of the two parties considering and agreeing points whilst the relationship is working

Viddy2021 · 21/09/2021 18:53

@felulageller

If he doesnt want to share his assets with you then he doesn't really want to get married.

Stay unmarried and dont give him PRR of any DC's until you have a 50/50 stake in all of his assets.

This.
FluffyWhiteBird · 21/09/2021 18:56

@indignatio

Sorry doom and gloom merchant here

You can have the house on being widowed, seems like an empty promise to me. The trustees would make the decision on his death, they would have to take into account a number of factors, or which you are only one.

I had a friend who, after handing over her savings to her husband who then additionally ran up debts in joint names which were never paid off, "had the house if he died". Turned out to mean lifetime right to live in a house she couldn't afford to run on her tiny pension. With a clause preventing her selling it, sharing the house with anybody, renting it out, or living elsewhere for more than a few weeks per year. If she broke the clause, she lost the right to live in it and it would be inherited by someone else. She ended up living in poverty, saddled with his debts and without a home.
Nofacedetected · 21/09/2021 18:59

Prenups are not legally enforceable in the U.K. so if you buy a house to rent out he could be entitled to half in a divorce

They are taken into consideration for the financial settlement, especially if he has a residence and the buy to let is OP's sole property.

His parents sound quite controlling actually. It's one thing to give a generous deposit to your child but another to buy a property for them knowing that it would never also belong to his wife.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 21/09/2021 19:01

Yes. You should ensure you have financial independence.

indignatio · 21/09/2021 19:03

I agree with Fluffy
Even a life interest in a property can come with expensive golden handcuffs

Hillary17 · 21/09/2021 19:05

Register your rights with the land registry and you’ll have rights to the property. If you’re married, you’ll be entitled to some of the house if he owns it.

Wherearemymarbles · 21/09/2021 19:06

Build your own assets. A lot depends on how the trust is set up etc.

I dont blame the family, plenty of people with assets going into a marriage get rinsed by those that don’t

Buf if you’re not having kids I really wouldn't bother getting married because nothing escalates divorce costs like dealing with trusts!

Robin233 · 21/09/2021 19:17

@felulageller

If he doesnt want to share his assets with you then he doesn't really want to get married.

Stay unmarried and dont give him PRR of any DC's until you have a 50/50 stake in all of his assets.
^^^
Well put.
Something about this set up makes me uneasy.
When you marry you build a life together.
Most people pool resources and get the best house they can.

Nofacedetected · 21/09/2021 19:19

She doest have to live in it, she can get a buy to let mortgage from the outset

I don't think you can have a BTL as your first mortgage.

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