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Original poster

What do you fink ?

148 replies

Sonaftersonafterson · 18/09/2021 13:42

About seeing someone who pronounces their 'th' as an 'f'? As in, "I was firsty anyway".

Would it put you off? Hes an intelligent guy but.... oh god, I dont know. Am I being a snob??

OP posts:

grapewine · 18/09/2021 23:28

I can't believe you're shocked he takes the bus and train and that he rents, and much less that it counts against him. Maybe the man dodged a bullet here.

Neonplant · 19/09/2021 00:13

@Sonaftersonafterson

Just on the phone to a friend so I asked her too and she summed it up as "it just makes you sound a bit thick". I tend to agree despite knowing factually, that this is not the case. Stereotypes I guess.

Your lack of ability to examine your prejudices is quite startling op, such alavkof insight and critical thinking. I'm not sure he's the thick one here. I think he's dodged a bullet tbh.

U2HasTheEdge · 19/09/2021 00:28

I can't pronounce th sounds. It is not for a lack of trying. I hate that I can't and I have practiced for bloody ages. I have tried pretty much everything and I just can't do it.

It makes me self-conscious. I am very aware of it. I hope most people don't judge me for it.

Original poster

Sonaftersonafterson · 19/09/2021 00:32

@neonplant eh? That is exactly what I AM doing... examining prejudices I didn't realise i even had until i met this man. My last few posts have been about exactly that point... that I surprised myself with my reactions and that it caused me to pause for thought (or fort )

Seriously, you're just spouting nonsense for a reaction surely?

OP posts:

DuchessOfDisaster · 19/09/2021 03:47

@CorrBlimeyGG

He has a speech impediment. If you think it's something to joke about, then please leave him alone. He deserves better.

No he doesn't! All those forty fousand fevvers on a frush speakers don't!

Oohchichi · 19/09/2021 08:20

I’m guessing he has a cockney accent. I love to hear the cockney accent and rhyming slang but then I love different accents. I have a very broad accent myself, they should be celebrated! An accent doesn’t mean somebody is thick but then again I don’t care if someone has a degree. My DH is a remarkable engineer and runs a very successful business but he doesn’t have a degree.

Redyellowblue34 · 19/09/2021 08:26

I value people who are sensitive to language and this would include pronunciation.

Neonplant · 19/09/2021 08:28

@Sonaftersonafterson you're not actually taking any action or responsibility for your prejudices though are you? You're acting like you have no part in creating them and acting on them. As if they just happen to you.

Obviously date who you want. But do you really think it's self reflective to go, oh well I have this prejudice but I'm not going to do anything about it and I'm going to continue to justify why I have it?

Redyellowblue34 · 19/09/2021 08:33

An afterthought. If a word that should be spelt ‘th’ but ‘f’ instead, should we ignore because it implies prejudice in regard to accent; we have the right to spell as we speak?

JoanOgden · 19/09/2021 08:37

You live in London and were shocked that he got a train and bus to meet you for a drink? Even my London friends who have cars (a minority) use them mostly for getting out of town, and travel on public transport within London most of the time.

cheesyunyin · 19/09/2021 08:48

OP my partner does this too. It put me off at first but then i got over it. Because we were otherwise well matched

He isn't fick. He has a good job and first class degree

I do often correct him. He seems a bit embarrassed but cant help himself. A life long habit

cheesyunyin · 19/09/2021 08:49

Go on another date. See what happens

SophieHMS · 19/09/2021 09:05

Everything about someone's speech - timbre, pace, volume, pronunciation, and content - is a key factor in my attraction to a person. It always has been. I'd take a poor, articulate person with a wonderful voice any day.

There's a reason why Eddie Mair was so fucking sexy. And why actors have such wonderful voices. I don't give a shiny shit if it makes me "a snob".

Thebiggerthecoffeethebetter · 19/09/2021 09:37

It would drive me nuts. He would have to have a lot of other very attractive qualities about him for it to tip the balance in his favour.

Naunet · 19/09/2021 10:16

Oh god, no, I couldn’t date someone who spoke like that, same goes for saying was instead of were, or borrow where you mean loan. Just makes them sound so thick, which I don’t find attractive.

Naunet · 19/09/2021 10:22

@U2HasTheEdge

I can't pronounce th sounds. It is not for a lack of trying. I hate that I can't and I have practiced for bloody ages. I have tried pretty much everything and I just can't do it.

It makes me self-conscious. I am very aware of it. I hope most people don't judge me for it.

I doubt they do because that’s different, for you it will be all th sounds, which makes it clear it’s a speech issue. The majority of people are perfectly capable of making that sound. It’s like those who say nothink instead of nothing - it’s not a speech issue.

DuchessOfDisaster · 19/09/2021 10:28

@Redyellowblue34

An afterthought. If a word that should be spelt ‘th’ but ‘f’ instead, should we ignore because it implies prejudice in regard to accent; we have the right to spell as we speak?

No.

DuchessOfDisaster · 19/09/2021 10:29

@cheesyunyin

OP my partner does this too. It put me off at first but then i got over it. Because we were otherwise well matched

He isn't fick. He has a good job and first class degree

I do often correct him. He seems a bit embarrassed but cant help himself. A life long habit

It is a habit. I remember this popping up a few months ago when people were talking about Alex Scott and her swimmin', cyclin' and boxin'.

Blushingm · 19/09/2021 11:56

My ex did it. His mum did too. Both were of very low intelligence

Original poster

Sonaftersonafterson · 19/09/2021 12:37

Feeling heartened that I'm not the only one that would be put off. I really am to the point I've ended it because... I just can't. @neonplant you have a point and I have given it thought... it IS a prejudice I hold. Along with a few other things... things I would expect a man of my age to have achieved by now. It's just my mindset...absolutely to do with how I was raised but also because I've always worked, full time, with 3 kids to ensure I am not living out of my back pocket. To have very little, at 40, is not attractive. Seems bummish. This combined with his speech and his inability to pay (I paid for our hotel, he didnt even offer half, just said thanks for sorting this out).

The conclusion of all this is that I'd like to meet a reasonably eloquent man, who drives and who has at least some financial security. New boundaries, thanks mumsnet ... thrashing this out has really helped xx

OP posts:

PandaMine · 19/09/2021 12:52

I don’t like “fink” either. My young adult son speaks like this, always has. Correcting it has made zero difference. I think it’s a bit of a London “patois” thing.

I pass no remark now, but inwardly I do cringe a bit - I love language and eloquence. He is v bright, just a garbled way of speaking.

But the other things you describe re. £ meanness means it’s dead in the water anyhow!

billy1966 · 19/09/2021 12:55

OP,

Good call.

I fail to see any attraction in a man living paycheck to paycheck, particularly on who provides for 3 children.

You certainly don't need another person to be supporting.

The hotel bill is a red flag IMO.

I am a enunciation pendant, whilst I wouldn't be so rude as to correct it, I sure as hell couldn't be listening to it, IMO absolutely grating on my ears.

StMarysKettle · 19/09/2021 13:11

@cheesyunyin

OP my partner does this too. It put me off at first but then i got over it. Because we were otherwise well matched

He isn't fick. He has a good job and first class degree

I do often correct him. He seems a bit embarrassed but cant help himself. A life long habit

Stop correcting him, that's how he talks its not wrong. People used to correct me at work all the time and it drove me nuts - I wouldn't put up with it from a romantic partner.

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