There is this guy who I met several years ago while taking in part in an event to do with a hobby I have been involved with since my teenage years, we got talking and became friends, well to be honest it was more acquaintances, I got a sense that he fancied me but I was in a relationship at the time.
A few years ago, he got back in contact and started turning up at every event, and after the events I always go out for drinks with a group of people, so to be polite told him he was welcome to come along. This was all okay but then he started coming to every single one, and following me around, never leaving my side, when I’m socialising afterwards and coming out for drinks every single time.
To me and the other people involved in this hobby he is a “friend” from when we did the event we were all in years ago. When I say friend, what I really mean is a polite way of saying “you’re a nice guy, but I’m just not into you”. I have had a couple of events I wasn’t able to go to due to an ongoing condition, when I’m not there he sends get well cards, it’s a ongoing condition that flares up at times, not one off illnesses, if people were to send me get well cards for this I’d have them all the time so not really appropriate and although he is trying to be nice, I wish he wouldn’t as it’s like he’s trying too hard and trying to make me feel obligated, or maybe I’m reading too much into this.
He messaged me a few times to ask me to go out with him one on one, I wasn’t sure whether to assume this was a date kind of thing or just as friends, I didn’t want to assume he likes me in that way when I could have it all wrong. I assumed this to be a date and I know I’m not interested in him in that way, so I made an excuse, he asked a few times, but I said I was busy or made an excuse thinking he’ll take the hint and move on, realise I don’t feel that way and find someone who does. He didn’t seem to be taking the hint, left it open as “well let me know when is best for you.” again I tried to give him the brush off, politely.
I went on holiday for two weeks and I never check my social media on holiday, that’s just one of my things, I take a break not just from work but from social media as well, friends and family members can ring or text my mobile if it’s urgent. I came home to several messages, he’d asked me out again, and this was followed by several messages such as “is everything okay? I’m concerned you haven’t replied to my message. Is everything okay health wise? Have I said something wrong” again I said I’d been away and in the end, stopped responding to his messages. I felt bad about ghosting him but he didn’t seem to be taking the hint.
He stopped asking me, but continued to turn up at the events. I don’t put much on Facebook but when I do, he pops up under every photo, normally ones I’ve been tagged into by someone else and says “let me know when your next event is” he finds out anyway off the website, we advertise our events to the public.
He creeps around friends and family members who are also involved in these events, as though he thinks if he’s in with them, he is automatically in with me and there seemed to be an increasing desperation about it, which is off putting. Other people had gone from saying “awww he’s so sweet, he’s such a nice guy” to realising this is getting to be unwanted attention. The group leader even came over and asked if he was bothering me, don’t think he realised I knew him. By this time he must know I don’t feel that way about him, but he was continuing to pursue me, that’s if that’s what this is, he’s never come right out and said he has feelings for me or anything like that or hinted that he likes me as more than a friend or even asked me if I’m seeing anyone. It would be easier to let him know I’m not interested if he did, as I don’t want to jump the gun and assume anything.He doesn’t know anything about my relationship status or history or if I’m even straight, but I’m getting a sense of “I’m a nice guy, I’ve done all the right things, you should feel obligated, how dare you not want me” sense of entitlement and I don’t like it, again that could be me reading too much into it.
Anyway I didn’t hear from him for a couple of years and just thought he’d taken the hint and was in the past, then in lockdown we did chat on social media once or twice, didn’t think anything of it, just that people are lonely in lockdown and it makes people want to connect or reconnect, I spoke to several friends I hadn’t seen for a long time in lockdown so didn’t see this as any different.
Then towards the end of lockdown, I don’t put anything on Facebook but every now and again I’d get a random like from him from photos unrelated to anything from several years ago and it freaked me out. Again he started asking to meet up and I thought “where is the harm in meeting up just as friends” so I did. I know full well I’m not attracted to him.
He now keeps asking about events again and I have a feeling he is going to start turning up at every one, he has messaged to say when would I like to meet up next, I just said “oh I’m really busy over the next few months, catching up with people after lockdown and all that” he said “okay” but I’ve received another email recently to say “don’t forget to let me know when you are free to meet up” again I said about how busy I am. He has come back with “well if you do get some free time let me know”. I don’t want to be mean, but I can’t seem to fizzle this person out, people have said “ah, but he’s a friend, he’s lonely, where’s the harm meeting up as long as he knows where the boundaries are” but why just because I’m single does that mean I have to keep spending time with someone I’m not interested in, why should the only acceptable excuse be I’m in a relationship. If I’m single that means I’m free to do whatever I like not obligated to spend all my time with some bloke just because he’s lonely and he likes me!!!
This is a small problem but it’s really beginning to stress me out.