I’m feeling so confused right now. Last month, I met a man from Tinder. I liked him a lot, we had a few dates and we got close quickly. He lives in London and I live just outside, so we’d video call a lot. After we’d slept together for the first time, he became distant. Didn’t text as much, all the compliments stopped and so did the video calls. I then saw he was active on Tinder and confronted him on his sudden change in behaviour. He said he didn’t feel ready for a relationship and I was angry because he’d said something completely different at the start. When I told him this, he stopped replying and basically ghosted me.
I tried to move on and date others, but I was upset about this. I hadn’t had sex for years before him - I was single for a long time after a bad end to my last relationship. I felt we had a connection and I hadn’t felt that with anyone for a long time. But I told myself he clearly didn’t feel the same so I went no contact.
About six weeks after disappearing, he texted me out of the blue. Explained that he’d been very stressed with work, working long hours with no time for anything and that’s why he’d gone quiet. He phoned me and we chatted about things and he said he wanted to try again as he still really liked me and wanted to meet. I agreed because I’d missed him. I was worried about him disappearing again but decided to trust him as he seemed to mean what he said.
Last weekend, he took me out for dinner. We had a lovely evening, he was acting like he did when we first met. I thought that maybe it would be different this time. We went back to his house to watch a film and slept together again. He cuddled me all night and it felt very intimate. This is what I’ve found difficult because it felt like he viewed me as a girlfriend. I had worried that he just wanted sex but in my experience, men who want that don’t usually bother buying dinner and acting like a couple, inviting the woman to stay. But maybe I’m wrong 
In the morning, he was different. Quite cold, wouldn’t respond to anything I tried to initiate. He kept getting notifications on his phone - he said it was his work group chat. I saw a red icon on the screen but couldn’t be sure. I think it was the Tinder app as most messaging apps are green. I felt so stupid, like a total idiot. He was probably messaging other woman before I’d even left his house. He opened his phone to Google something and I saw the Pornhub icon in his most viewed websites. This explained a lot because the sex was very focussed on him and his enjoyment. To be honest, he didn’t seem interested in making sure I enjoyed myself as much. It made me feel sick as I realised he was probably all about getting sex after all.
He asked me to message when I got home and he replied a few times then went quiet. I texted him yesterday but he ignored me and now he’s gone silent again. I don’t know how I got this so wrong and I’m furious with myself for giving him another chance. I was obviously part of his rota of women - once he got sex, he dropped me like a piece of rubbish and acted like I didn’t exist. Straight on to the next one. It’s made me feel crap and disposable
I just need to share this because I’ve felt bad all week. I can’t talk to anyone in real life about it as my friends and family know he ghosted me once and would think I was stupid for letting him do it a second time. I struggle sometimes with my mental health and this has made me want to stop dating altogether. Allowing myself to be close to someone is a big thing for me and I don’t know how he can treat me so badly.