Husband calls me Whore and keeps calling me names when he wants

[Camiliaxo]

I’m a 23 year old mom and am married with a 3 year old daughter and whenever my husband gets mad he calls me Whore and tells me how he wishes he was all the guys who fucked me before and keeps calling me bad names. Not sure what to do I speak to him a lot but it won’t stop and I know he loves me he’s under lots of pressure please help with some advice.

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On one level it's really simple and straightforward - he doesn't love you. Would you call someone you loved names? He is bad for you. He is bad for your daughter. He won't get better. He will very likely get worse. He could one day seriously hurt (or worse) you or your daughter. His family don't like you.

Why would you want to stay?

Don't say it's for your daughter - you aren't doing her any favours by staying with this vile, abusive man. You would do her a big favour by leaving.

Please look at the facts. Why stay with this man? Your life would be so much happier, safer and less stressful without him.

Keep talking on her for support, and reach out in real life if there's someone you can trust to confide in.

I echo other posters - this is abuse. You might not recognise it if you've only known this kind of behaviour - but overwhelmingly we are all telling you.

There are a million reasons to stay.... you might think he'll change, he loves you and your DC really, he's just under pressure at the moment, it's not his fault his parents are horrible, where will you go, who will support you, what will you do for money, will you family disown you..? All valid thoughts in your situation.

But... there is only one solution. You have to leave. It won't get better and, statistically, is likely to get worse.

There is help and support out there for you. Contact Women's Aid and they will help you, even if you just want to talk at this stage.

You can do this. You can be strong enough. For you and for your daughter.

I know he loves me he’s under lots of pressure

There's two problems here -

1. You're convinced he loves you, which is giving you a very warped idea of what love actually is and will leave you feeling very confused

2. You're making excuses for him, which means you're not nearly as angry as what you should be, and you don't see it as the disgusting disrespect it really is. You're almost there (because you've posted here so you know it's not right), but you've still got some way to go. I think you've been degraded for so long, for so many times I think it's disconnected you from your sense of pride and self-worth.

I understand and know this all too well. My husband does the exact same thing to me. Constantly calling me a whore and saying that everybody has had me and he's stuck with me. I know the amount of pain this causes, it is absolutely devastating for the one person that We are supposed to feel loved and protected by could treat us in such an evil way. We deserve better, we do not deserve to be belittled and disrespected. Stay strong, pray about it and know you aren't alone

@Camiliaxo

He always tell me himself that he knows I’ll leave him cause he’s at a bad point in life and he always says I’m all he has and that he knows he’s an angry person he hasn’t ever hit me he never will but I’m worried for him and I want to help him do u think I can ?

Oh please. Call Women's Aid, get some real life help.

He is treating you badly because he knows you will leave him - because he is treating you badly?

Does that make any kind of sense to you?

You are young. You can rebuild your life. Take the first step before he gets worse and you become far too scared or browbeaten to question his behaviour.

You’re living in an abusive bubble. Ditch the HUD’s and, he dues not live you. Ignore family - you can do better, will do better and won’t have a miserable life without him. Someone will want you - you’re only 23 ffs. Get rid of partner….what a sad marriage to be him. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

Your poor daughter is being raised in a house full of hate. I know it’s difficult, but please leave your husband if you want her to grow up with more self worth than you have.

Your husband sounds immature and under the influence of his unpleasant, manipulative family.

I think both of you need to put up strong boundaries against these behaviours. The best boundary is finding your own accommodation and reducing contact to a minimum as soon as possible.

It is likely that they do not know any better given their own cultural baggage where women are seen objects to uphold the family 'purity' but that is not your problem.

I recommend you reading up on the issue of boundaries and asserting yourself.

@Camiliaxo

I’m a 23 year old mom and am married with a 3 year old daughter and whenever my husband gets mad he calls me Whore and tells me how he wishes he was all the guys who fucked me before and keeps calling me bad names. Not sure what to do I speak to him a lot but it won’t stop and I know he loves me he’s under lots of pressure please help with some advice.

He doesn’t love you. He’s a pretty awful person who’s trying to control you. You deserve better, so does your daughter.

This is abuse. Te your family and friends and make plans to leave as soon as possible. You deserve better.
Then give yourself time to recover and to make sure you don't walk straight into another abusive relationship. You're still young. Please get some support.

He is not a good man. I don’t care how his family treat him, if he was a good man he wouldn’t bounce it into you.
His family are poison. (Why the hell did they know you weren’t a virgin?)
You deserve better.
You need to get as far away from them as possible. Name calling is just the start.

Mine called me “like a prostitute” yesterday when I didn’t have underwear on after swimming ( just shorts ) and tried to justify it

You need to get your own thread because that is ishit

That's terrifying.

Saying he loves you isn't enough he has to show you he loves and respects you. Your DD will be listening to this. Is that what you want for her? You can find a far nicer person than this to share your life with.

If he is being eaten up to this extent by resentment that you have had more than one sexual partner in your life but he has not, in his early twenties, then he is almost certainly going to cheat on you and sleep with someone else at some point (probably in the next few years).
First though, he has to work through making it your fault (he is only doing something you have already done, so you are "equal") and supressing his moral feelings because he knows it is wrong (drinking more and more).
Cut your losses before he gets more and more vile in an attempt to force you to dump him and thus make it "your fault" anyway!

This.

It's really dark, OP. Just because you've become used to hearing it doesn't make it any less disturbing. Please rid yourself of this horrible piece of work, you deserve so much better than to be treated like that. And you child deserves and needs a healthy home environment.

You take care of you and her. He's not fit to shine your shoes.

This thread is from 2021

He is not a nice man who is sometimes nasty, he is a nasty man who is sometimes nice.

This.

Some people's "love" is not worth having.

They may believe they love someone, bit they're too abusive and fucked up to actually love someone ... And treat the person they think they love decently. Their "love" ain't worth shit.

Was HE a virgin? How many sexual partners has he had before you? @Camiliaxo ???

No one will care though. They'll just keep giving advice to an OP who's probably long gone