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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband calls me Whore and keeps calling me names when he wants

125 replies

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 04:02

I’m a 23 year old mom and am married with a 3 year old daughter and whenever my husband gets mad he calls me Whore and tells me how he wishes he was all the guys who fucked me before and keeps calling me bad names. Not sure what to do I speak to him a lot but it won’t stop and I know he loves me he’s under lots of pressure please help with some advice.

OP posts:

GreyTV · 30/08/2021 10:07

This isn’t love. No man under any amount of pressure will treat his wife this way. Talk to friends or someone in real life. Agree with others your daughter will think this is how men treat her and he’ll say it to her too. Protect your daughter and leave

DomPom47 · 30/08/2021 10:24

He does not respect you.
To some degree you feel he loves you but no one that loves you truly would say the things he does.
You need to love yourself and know that this behaviour is not okay.

SkiingIsHeaven · 30/08/2021 10:29

This is not acceptable. You need to move on. It is hard but is the right thing to do.

Funnylittlefloozie · 30/08/2021 10:29

He sounds truly disgusting and disrespectful. What would happen if you got angry and told him never ever to speak to you that way again? Would he get violent?

DancesWithTortoises · 30/08/2021 10:30

Leave. It can only get worse.

Whirlywooo · 30/08/2021 10:55

If in 20 years time your daughter tells you her partner has called her a whore, what would you tell her to do?

dworky · 30/08/2021 11:04

This is abuse, performed deliberately to erode your self-esteem.
The longer it's tolerated, the more difficult it will be to find the strength to free yourself from it which is why you need to leave him as soon as possible.

Eviethyme · 30/08/2021 11:05

You don't talk to people you love like that no matter how under pressure you are.

bamboocat · 30/08/2021 11:09

No, he doesn't love you. Nobody who loves someone calls them disgusting names.

And I can't think of a single reason why you could possibly love him either, after that. Don't waste a day more on this bastard, you are so young and there's a much nicer life waiting for you in the future, either on your own with dc, or with someone else.

HalzTangz · 30/08/2021 11:12

Someone who loves doesn't call their partner any nasty names under any conditions.

Time to move on from this prick Op

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 30/08/2021 11:14

Time to face the truth I'm afraid.
Someone who loves you does not speak to you the way your husband does.
They just don't.

TheWeatherWitch · 30/08/2021 11:14

That’s how he loves you?

I’d rather live on my own than be loved like that. He’s a controlling, bullying dick. If you were my daughter I’d tell you to cut your losses and get out now. Better than having another 50 years of his abuse.

I hope you can find somewhere more suitable to raise your dc. This is not a healthy environment.

Pinkbonbon · 30/08/2021 11:41

Sorry honey but that's not love.

He is an abuser. And as such, he has contempt for you and means you emotional harm.

He could have called you an asshole once or twice if angry and maybe that would be stress. But 'whore' is never, ever excusable as anything other than hatred of women and if you. Let alone, repeatedly.

This is not your burden to bare. Your partner is an abuser and abusers abuse. He would be the same with any other partner.

You need to leave him so that your little baba does not grow up seeing women diminished, belittled and abused in this manner. She deserves a strong, happy and confident mother. And you deserve a happy life, free from abuse.

Pinkbonbon · 30/08/2021 11:44

He is not abusive because he is angry, he is angry because he is abusive.

Thelnebriati · 30/08/2021 12:08

Please contact Women's Aid, or the domestic abuse hotline, there is a list of phone helplines here;

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/

www.refuge.org.uk

Colourmeclear · 30/08/2021 12:24

You said yourself it won't stop. HE won't stop.

When he says these horrible things to you, do you feel loved? You said you know he loves you but that really means very little if you don't feel it. His behaviour is designed to make you feel unloved whilst convincing you that he does deep down. He is purposefully confusing you, making you question who you are and what you did.

Why do you think you don't deserve better than feeling unloved, insulted and confused?

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 30/08/2021 12:42

Your DD is going to grow up watching this and thinking this is normal, as well as thinking this is how men are supposed to treat women. His behaviour is not ok.

Nanny0gg · 30/08/2021 13:55

@Camiliaxo

He absolutely does not love you.

You are being abused

Deadringer · 30/08/2021 14:01

He is not a nice man who is sometimes nasty, he is a nasty man who is sometimes nice. The name calling, the shitty behaviour, this is just you getting a glimpse of who he really is. You deserve better, and so does your little girl. Please seek help in real life and leave him asap.

BrilloPaddy · 30/08/2021 14:07

He'd have called me that once.

Don't be his whore or his doormat. Problem solved.

RosiePosieDozy · 30/08/2021 14:08

No, that is not love. That's abusive and there's a better life for you and your child than this.

2bazookas · 30/08/2021 14:21

Get out now; you've got at least 60 years of life ahead of you so don't waste it with him.

Go before your little girl gets called whore by Daddy and asks you what it means.

CambsAlways · 30/08/2021 15:11

What a dickhead , he doesn’t love you, or have any respect for you either, I’d divorce him

IPokeBadgers · 30/08/2021 15:24

Every person posting in response to your post has been in agreement.

This is not love.
This is not acceptable.
This is abuse.
This (his behaviour) is not something you can change.
You need to protect yourself and your daughter from this man.
You need to leave.

We know this is scary but please listen and start planning your life without this man. It is scary, it will feel hard but you can find a way to do it.

Please follow the links a previous poster has shared for how you can get advice and support. Please value yourself and your daughter and get away from this man as soon as possible.

JLA19801 · 30/08/2021 16:53

I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you from bitter experience that this is not right.

My OH has been the same with me. Years ago we had this very issue and it destroyed me mentally. You hear this nonsense enough you begin to believe it and before you know it your self worth is destroyed.

I thought we got through it but, for other reasons, I’ve called and end to our relationship recently and all that old viciousness has returned.

The problem is with him and not you. If you don’t want to leave him then you need to (a) get to the root of why he is like he is and fix it; and (b) surround yourself with loving and positive people who will not allow your self worth to take a beating, no matter what he says. My OH was controlling and I lost a lot of my friends - a massive regret of mine as the support of friends and family is priceless!

Wishing you all the best and stay strong xx

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