Page 3 | Husband calls me Whore and keeps calling me names when he wants

Camiliaxo · 2021-08-30T03:02:46+00:00

I’m a 23 year old mom and am married with a 3 year old daughter and whenever my husband gets mad he calls me Whore and tells me how he wishes he was all the guys who fucked me before and keeps calling me bad names. Not sure what to do I speak to him a lot but it won’t stop and I know he loves me he’s under lots of pressure please help with some advice.

SleepingBunnies21 · 30/08/2021 20:13

get to the root of why he is like he is and fix it.

Op can't fix it.

Only he can.

But he won't- because he enjoys acting this way. It satisfies him/gratifies him in some way.

FTEngineerM · 30/08/2021 20:17

He didn’t love you.
You need to leave.

Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:19

We went through a lot together and had the baby even though both our families didn’t want us together just because I wasn’t a virgin when he met me. His parents complain about me and my family all the time and they brainwashed him to hate me ! I love him with all my heart and I believe he can change he says these things mostly when he drinks ! But u are right he won’t stop and I’m so upset all the time I don’t want my daughter to get damaged if we seperate I’m worried for her future I don’t think I can raise her all alone

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GlinnerForPM · 30/08/2021 21:26

Completely unacceptable. He doesn't love you, he is abusive, you must protect your daughter from this toxicity. Get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
You are worth so much more. You are strong and beautiful. Your daughter deserves a mother who is loved and respected.

Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:27

He always tell me himself that he knows I’ll leave him cause he’s at a bad point in life and he always says I’m all he has and that he knows he’s an angry person he hasn’t ever hit me he never will but I’m worried for him and I want to help him do u think I can ?

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Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:28

Thanks so much everyone I didn’t think there’s people who care and wanna help I just want to be happy and not cry everyday I don’t want things to end

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Shoxfordian · 30/08/2021 21:28

No I don’t think you can help him
He has no respect for you or any other woman if he calls you a whore because you had sex before you even met him.
You can only help yourself by leaving

GlinnerForPM · 30/08/2021 21:28

It must seem impossible to leave him but it's also impossible to stay with him. Take it one step at a time but don't accept abuse because you feel like you can't cope without him. You can.

Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:32

His family always had some hate for him and since we live with them they bully him all the time and tell him he’s a piece of shit for choosing me and that he ruined their lives ! This really affects us too since we came into this house the fights started. And he’s drinking a lot recently and I can’t think of a life leaving him it’s so hard and I don’t think I can do it. I don’t know what’s right anymore :(

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WanderingTrolley1 · 30/08/2021 21:35

This will only get worse. You need to seek help.

PearlyRising · 30/08/2021 21:35

[quote TheSandgroper]You need to read this. He does it because he wants to.

voicemalemagazine.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/?fbclid=IwAR3as6Abe0evI5gszlWbQiU5O-muJultkcUL5oxuxguck11FHP2rKKua_9g[/quote]
Wow. I always knew this but to know that the results of this workshop prove it's true........ mind blowing really.

Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:36

Wow lucky u I’m happy there is people who have great men in their lives and it’s so sad some men are like this and what can I do I have no money or anything and everyone in my family has there own problems and I can’t go back with my mom I have nothing and no one 😔

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Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:38

My mom tells me that if I truly want to leave him I should and she will support me but then she tells me she’s leaving the country and I’m on my own and I don’t have work or any degree just yet cause I jumped into marriage and a kid so young

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Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:40

He tells me that I had all the fun in the world just cause I had a few bfs before him and always brings these disgusting discussions up. I’m already very depressed and have anxiety it’s very hard for me to one day accept I won’t be with him because at first he changed me and made me a better person so why treat me like this now ?

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category12 · 30/08/2021 21:41

@Camiliaxo

He always tell me himself that he knows I’ll leave him cause he’s at a bad point in life and he always says I’m all he has and that he knows he’s an angry person he hasn’t ever hit me he never will but I’m worried for him and I want to help him do u think I can ?

Op, this is classic emotional blackmail, that makes you feel sorry for him and responsible for him. It's one of the things abusive men do.

The "I know you'll leave me" is calculated to make you fall over yourself to reassure him and make promises.

But ask yourself - wouldn't it be so much easier for him to be sure you wouldn't leave if he treated you properly in the first place? Why is it hard for him to be nice and kind to the person he supposedly loves? If you love someone, you want them to be happy, but he spends his time making you his emotional punchbag.

We all have issues, stress - taking it out on our nearest and dearest is a choice.

Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:44

You really think anyone would be with me after I had a kid at 20 and am miserable like this ? Hell I don’t think I can even be with someone after all this stress. My mother in law says if we seperate we will both have miserable lives and that I’ll never be accepted by anyone cause of what I went through

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Original poster

Camiliaxo · 30/08/2021 21:45

So u think he can’t change either right ? Even though he’s young and says he loves me and that he will die if I leave or that he will take my daughter away cause his family has money ?

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Thelnebriati · 30/08/2021 21:46

Thats why you need to talk to Women's Aid and Refuge as soon as you can. They can help you get back on your feet.

miltonj · 30/08/2021 21:47

Your daughter will grow up thinking this is how men should treat her. Get out now, speak to friends, family, anyone you trust, even women's aid. For your daughter, but also for you... you matter too and you are so young.

JLA19801 · 30/08/2021 22:10

I feel so sad reading this - it’s like reading about myself and thinking of all the things you should do that I didn’t do

Speak to people you can trust - family, friends, women’s aid

Stop listening to what he says. This will take a lot as I know how self esteem can be battered. But when you said that he made you a better person that really resonated with me - my OH always says how he dragged me from the gutter (the gutter being a 30 year old professional with her own home and money)….please….he has not made you a better person - you were amazing already! It’s a classic put down to make you feel dependent.

Believe in yourself and take each step at a time. Make a plan.

He would have a hard time taking your daughter and this is scare tactics. He would have to show you are unfit - his parents wealth alone would not be enough. I would recommend you keep a diary of all the occasions when he has been drunk, abusive etc etc. It’s sad to say but you may need to defend yourself against this man if you do decide to walk away with your daughter.

Really hope you make the best decision for you and all goes well xx

category12 · 30/08/2021 22:11

Of course you could have a relationship with someone else in future. Plenty of people have children young, split up with partners and find love again. Why would you be any different?

Even though he’s young and says he loves me and that he will die if I leave or that he will take my daughter away cause his family has money

How very dramatic and unpleasant of him. It's all more emotional blackmail designed to make you feel responsible for him and scared.

And again, he could avoid you wanting to leave by just treating you right. That's a choice. He'd rather threaten you than love you.

To change, a person actually has to want to and seek help and take responsibility for himself. He's not doing that, is he?

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 30/08/2021 22:12

Those are all just threats and manipulation to make sure you stay. He isn’t going to change. Google the sunken cost fallacy.

lilmishap · 30/08/2021 22:25

@Camiliaxo

You really think anyone would be with me after I had a kid at 20 and am miserable like this ? Hell I don’t think I can even be with someone after all this stress. My mother in law says if we seperate we will both have miserable lives and that I’ll never be accepted by anyone cause of what I went through

Where are you OP?

Ignore his MiL if she knew as much about life as she thinks then she wouldn't have a son who is such a nasty minded little prick. Also if you're so terrible why would she want her son to be 'stuck' with you?

Plenty of single mums find love and happiness. You can be one of them.

lilmishap · 30/08/2021 22:28

@Camiliaxo

So u think he can’t change either right ? Even though he’s young and says he loves me and that he will die if I leave or that he will take my daughter away cause his family has money ?

He also says you're a whore. His words are not reliable or truthful.

SleepingBunnies21 · 30/08/2021 22:40

our families didn’t want us together just because I wasn’t a virgin when he met me.

How exactly did his family come to know about your virginity??!!

I take I there are some major cultural.isdurs going on here.

It's not normal or remotely OK for people outside of a relationship to be discussing their partner's sexual experience with parents etc.!