Having one to one drinks with the opposite sex whilst in a relationship.

Buttercup708 · 2021-08-26T17:38:05+00:00

Hi all, Just a quick question. What are your thoughts about your other half going for drinks alone with a member of the opposite sex? Whether they're a new co-worker, housemate, old friend, an old friend with benefits.

rumred · 26/08/2021 18:39

Well it all depends. Ulterior motives on either side are a problem whatever sex

MistyFrequencies · 26/08/2021 18:40

I trust him so I'd have no issue with it.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/08/2021 18:41

Ive had 1:1 drinks with three out of four of those categories. I didnt think twice about it, presumably neither did they or their partners.

Mushtullo · 26/08/2021 18:42

DH and I both do it all the time with our opposite-sex friends. So does pretty much everyone I know. It’s only on Mn that I encounter the idea that drinks are ‘date territory’ — also, even more weirdly, the cinema.

ElizaDoolots · 26/08/2021 18:43

Old friend I have no problem with, any of the others would make me uncomfortable.

Janaih · 26/08/2021 18:44

No I wouldn't be happy with that. Lunch with a Co worker probably fine though.

CampaignToo · 26/08/2021 18:47

It's one of those things that should be OK but very often isn't.

Once in a while I'd think fine, but if it became a regular thing I'd be looking out for other warning signs.

I've been the woman in this situation with a co-worker. Nice man who I became friends with, in an almost all male working environment, mostly because he seemed safe. A good decent, family man, absolutely committed to his wife and family. And he was, but that didn't stop us becoming far closer than was sensible during regular boozy nights out consoling each other over shared work issues.

BrilloPaddy · 26/08/2021 18:48

No issue at all.

You can't project your insecurities onto someone else.

Riapia · 26/08/2021 18:51

Not for me.
I’m anybody’s for a half of lager.😃😃😃

Miliao · 26/08/2021 18:52

I find it very strange that the default assumption on here is that there is some kind of ulterior motive about going for a drink with someone of the opposite sex. Half my friends are of the opposite sex. Even if both parties are straight, I don’t fancy every man I see, so why would the automatic assumption be there is more to the drink than just friends?

TokenGinger · 26/08/2021 18:53

It just depends on the situation, doesn't it?

My partner has a good friend, she and him used to manage a gym together. When she's in the area, they go for lunch, coffee, drinks, whatever. Really doesn't bother me. Sometimes she comes here or we'll meet up with the kids and her fiancé, too.

My best pal at work is male. We'll pop out for lunch or coffee together at work often.

There's nothing there. We're just friends, despite our different genitals.

Original poster

Buttercup708 · 26/08/2021 18:56

@Mushtullo
You're complete right, some people class drinks as date territory.
Or is it because alcohol can lead a person to act without fully thinking things through?

OP posts:

CampaignToo · 26/08/2021 19:01

@TokenGinger

It just depends on the situation, doesn't it?

My partner has a good friend, she and him used to manage a gym together. When she's in the area, they go for lunch, coffee, drinks, whatever. Really doesn't bother me. Sometimes she comes here or we'll meet up with the kids and her fiancé, too.

My best pal at work is male. We'll pop out for lunch or coffee together at work often.

There's nothing there. We're just friends, despite our different genitals.

I think there's a key point here. Do they always meet up alone or are partners/families sometimes included? I don't think they always need to be, but there's a reason if they never are.

There's also a world of difference between popping out to lunch and long boozy sessions into the evening.

NotaCoolMum · 26/08/2021 19:07

Me and DP trust each other 100% but I don’t think either of us would appreciate the other going out for drinks one on one with the opposite sex. Just inappropriate and crosses mutual boundaries. I know it’s not “cool” to feel this way but neither of us would do it or feel comfortable with it

onemouseplace · 26/08/2021 19:12

@DisplayPurposesOnly

Ive had 1:1 drinks with three out of four of those categories. I didnt think twice about it, presumably neither did they or their partners.

This. Especially the old friend - I would think DH was going mad if he objected to me going for a drink 1:1 with an old friend who happened to be male.

NothingIsWrong · 26/08/2021 19:17

Neither me or my husband have an issue with either of us going for a drink with anyone we like.

I'm too goddam tired from work and kids to be having ulterior motives...

furbabymama87 · 26/08/2021 19:52

I trust him but we rarely get time to go out as a couple so I wouldn't be happy that he chose the opportunity to go out with someone else. He wouldn't do it though.

Kite22 · 26/08/2021 19:55

Agree with most.
There is an element of "it depends", but as a blanket rule I wouldn't have any issue with it. Nor would dh.

As has been said, I don't understand the thinking that you can't be friends with anyone without being sexually attracted to them.

Harvestyo · 26/08/2021 20:07

DH goes for a curry with his ex a couple of times a year.

Sometimes goes for a few pints with a female friend. Fine with me.

SimoneSimone · 26/08/2021 20:12

new co-worker, housemate, old friend is ok. Old friend with benefits would be disrespectful to the partner unless introduced and comfortable with it.

Blue4YOU · 26/08/2021 20:23

It obviously depends, doesn’t it?
There’s no reason for people of the opposite sex not to be friends or for example ex partners not to be friends but if the ex partner/fwb was obviously still interested it’s not the smartest thing to do.
I go for drinks (or used to) with male and female friends without my DH because we have a disabled DD who needs constant care and she only has us two. So does he. Neither of us have misbehaved (!) on a night out

KimDeals · 26/08/2021 20:31

Hotbed.

It’s ok until it’s not ok…

It’s ok until the friendship gets too close…

It’s ok until the closeness is viewed as an “emotional affair”

Personally, 9/10 the boy/girl issue needs to be dealt with and crops up between men and women (it will cross the mind of at least one of them at some point). Hopefully if and when it does, as grown ups we can move past it and carry on with a friendship.

There’s no one answer for this. But in principle, anyone should be free to go for a drink with who they like, even after 7pm!

For me once the OH isn’t a secret, (me, or the other person’s OH) or should be ok. And it comes down to trust.

Divebar2021 · 26/08/2021 20:33

This reminds me of the poster who got her knickers in a twist about her DP going for a “ hot lunch” with a colleague. Sandwich = OK. Nando’s = bad.

GrumpyTerrier · 26/08/2021 20:33

My guy came home late from work and revealed he'd actually been at the pub with a female coworker. I still had no problem with it, other than him not letting me know he would be late. I trust that I am the one for him.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 26/08/2021 20:34

@CampaignToo

It's one of those things that should be OK but very often isn't.

Once in a while I'd think fine, but if it became a regular thing I'd be looking out for other warning signs.

I've been the woman in this situation with a co-worker. Nice man who I became friends with, in an almost all male working environment, mostly because he seemed safe. A good decent, family man, absolutely committed to his wife and family. And he was, but that didn't stop us becoming far closer than was sensible during regular boozy nights out consoling each other over shared work issues.

All of this.