Dinner dispute

[JLA1980]

I would really like some advice about whether I’m being unreasonable.

My OH and I aren’t in a particularly happy place at the moment. He has his own issues with me but for my part I feel under appreciated all the time. An example of this is an argument which has arisen today.

I am a stay at home mum after I gave up my career to be at home for the kids. I accept that as a SAHM my role includes maintaining the house, cleaning, cooking etc. But I literally do all of it.

I do all the cooking which I am ok with but my OH moans about the food I cook - it’s 95% scratch cooked, healthy meals. There are some meals which I make because our children like them - but which he doesn’t like. This represents maybe 1 meal every 1-2 weeks and on those occasions I always offer to make him something separate.

He says to me that I should be making all meals for him - I.e. to his taste and that a real woman in a relationship would want to cater to his needs and wants. I pointed out to him that this would mean the kids missing a favourite meal as I wouldn’t make that any more and he said that doesn’t matter.

He says that if I can’t cook what he likes all the time what am I to him.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is an ungrateful attitude. I never expect him to cook for us, just not to complain about what I do cook and to make out like I do nothing for him. I cook for the family, which includes him but is not exclusively him.

This may seem really trivial but it’s an attitude that cuts through many issues in our relationship

Any thoughts or advice would be really gratefully received - either way :-) x

I have been in very similar circumstances and agree once you get back out in the real world ie work you will realise how badly he is behaving x

Your only 'job' is to take care of yours and his children, outside of that he needs a reality check. Taking care of his children may well mean you should leave him, by the sounds of it..he doesn't sound like Father material, let alone a worthy partner to you

As I say to my children, being part of a family involves making compromises - such as eating things which other people have chosen, going to places other people want to, watching things other people have chosen etc.

Sounds like he doesn’t want to be part of your family.

Not only would I never cook for him again, I'd have him out the door.

OP please tell me that aside this comment he is lovely, caring, supportive, you have access to all money and he spends lots of quality time being with the children?

I would either leave or get back to work. Both actually.

You gave up work for this. Would a boss speak to you like this? Would you put up with it? No and fucking no.

Get back to work, out earn that fucker if you can and decide on what you want to do.

I am astounded. The cheeky twat.

Things need to change op. Get a plan, stick to it and start valuing yourself.

The cheeky bastard.

Eugh.

Can’t decide whether he needs some sort of 50 Shades semi prostitute subservient or to be a Victorian patriarch in a restaurant.

If he was a real Dad he would be happy his children were enjoying their favourite dinner.

Being a SAHM is being part of a team. It doesn’t mean he becomes your boss. He seems to have misunderstood.

He sounds like a caricature from the 1950s, not a real man.

I've always cooked because I like it/am fussy/teaching DH was unbearable.

In return I choose all the meals including stuff DH hates and DH says thank-you.

Apart from one occasion when I got the recipe wrong and tried to kill him with mustard, that's it - he says thank-you and washes up.

Your DH is horrible - what you should be to him is his equal and his beloved, not cook, housemaid and skivvy.

Tell him to fuck off. You’re not his maidservant. If he wants to guarantee getting something he likes tell him to make his own dinner. I’m sure he can find some ham and a few slices of bread. Sheesh, what a dick.

I can't believe women still give up careers to be a sahm when they aren't married.
Insane.

Bloody hell! Which Neanderthal cave did he crawl out of?

You're a stay at home parent. Key word being parent. The whole point of being a sahp is to look after the kids and house. Not to cater solely to your husbands preferences.
If he is treating you like that much of a slave I think you need to say you'll get a job and share everything house and child related

Omg

Are you married OP?

He sounds like an arsehole

and that a real woman in a relationship would want to cater to his needs and wants

I'm sorry, he ACTUALLY said that? Was he joking?

And if he wasn't joking, does he still have both his testicles intact?

He says to me that I should be making all meals for him - I.e. to his taste and that a real woman in a relationship would want to cater to his needs and wants

This alone would make me want to throat punch him.
Make dinner. If he doesn't like it, he can make his own alternative.

What a wanker. What would he eat if he was single? He'd have to bloody cook and clean for himself and go to work. Going to work for normal people does not mean you yet treated like royalty at home!!!

a real woman in a relationship would want to cater to his needs and wants

Tell him you're a fake woman, and like all the rest of us fake women, think he's a total twat.

Wow what a real 1950s attitude.

You gave up a career for this twat🙄

Go back to work asap.

He says that if I can’t cook what he likes all the time what am I to him.

If these words ever came out of my DHs mouth the ones coming out of mine would be "your STBX dear".

He sounds like a knob. You eat what you're given so long as it's edible and not totally offensive. He's clearly sexist.

Still waiting for the Daily Wail.

@JLA1980

He says that if I can’t cook what he likes all the time what am I to him

An EX is the answer you're bloody looking for !

Ignorant, selfish entitled prick !

Who the fuck is he to you and the kids ? The sperm donor ! Because that's all he's ever done !