Saying "I love you"

[Blueberry77]

I was just curious about at what stage various people say "I love you" in a relationship?
I've been dating someone for 8 months, both in 40s, and I said it about a month ago, knowing he wouldn't say it back, but it's how I really feel and just wanted to express it. I understand everyone reaches that stage at a different point.
But, we were joking around on text this morning and he said something about me loving something too much & I responded "I love you too much" & he replied with a gif of a man running away. I was a bit hurt about his response but I feel irrational about feeling that way!
If I say something "nice"/something that I would want to hear, he would respond with "you're so cheesy" or a 🤢 emoji.
Do I Ignore and grow a thicker skin, or does he just not care for me that way? (In which case I may be wasting my time)
He does drive 3.5hrs each way to see me for the weekend every 2 weeks & is very regular with his good morning/goodnight texts and daily phone calls

The gif was captioned "I'm outta here"

Try asking him how he really feels and let him know you were hurt by his gif. How insensitive of him.

At best avoidant and insensitive, at worst a mean prick.

It sounds like he’s not really interested

Hmm I wouldn’t like this. Ask him how he feels outright then re-evaluate

Yeah I think you need to ask him outright, but unfortunately it's not a good sign.

There are plenty of men who will happily go out with someone they really like but don't love, for the companionship, sex, etc. They treat it like a placeholder relationship until something better comes along. I'm not saying your guy is doing that, but there are definitely some warning signs here.

There are also men who are just avoidant and emotionally unavailable, and they're not a great bet for a relationship anyway.

After 8 months I wouldn't be happy with that response

His gif was a bit insensitive but I think he's tried to joke his way out of it. You're only hurting yourself and making him uncomfortable by continuing to tell him you love him when you know he won't say it back.
Apart from saying I love you back, his reply was never going to be good enough and it's your feelings that are hurt.

I definitely think you need to speak and reevaluate the relationship or wait until he's ready to say it back but you can't keep putting pressure on him to say it back.

I wouldn't be best pleased, his reaction tells you he's just enjoying your company for now, he doesn't feel the same.
I guess saying you love him too much was a bit ott when he's never said it to you, even still you said it before and if he felt the same he would of said it back, 8 months is long enough to know.

I sympathise greatly with your post, I have been dating my partner for over a year and he has not told me he loves me. If this happened to me I would be incredibly hurt. I would respond with “Wow that was incredibly hurtful, I think we need to talk.” Some people don’t like messages with too much feeling but there are nicer ways to let you know. Saying I love you is special and it doesn’t seem like he deserves it.
In my situation my partner has Aspergers so I have come to accept I will never hear it from him. The way he treats me shows me he loves me, even if his words don’t. If I send him messages with too much feelings he just says that’s nice or thank you. If he called me cheesy or sent the vomit emoji I would be crushed. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Thank you. I've only said it once before in a way where no response was needed. And then again in this text in a lighthearted way, so no overt pressure.

His avoidant attachment style is getting me down a bit. Or maybe he's just not that in to me!

I'm really sorry, he's just not that into you. He doesn't love you.

To answer your question at what stage do you say it, I'd say if both are feeling such intense attraction it'll be said within a few months maybe even sooner, obviously it takes a lot longer for to feel a true deeper love for someone which develops over time But with a I'm outta here response, I would question if he had any feelings, I guess he likes you enough to travel to you and be in your company, although only every two weeks, perhaps he's not looking for anything more serious so doesn't want to get too attached. You need to talk to him

If he was being a shit and didn't reciprocate at all he wouldn't have answered with a joke - which I'm sure is what it was. He probably feels uncomfortable. You already knew he wouldn't say it back so you know this is what he's like. If you're wanting commitment and not sure it's there though, you'll have to sit him down and force him to talk.

I really want to talk to him, but what do I ask him?? Does he see us as serious committed relationship?

No. I’m sorry but his response felt hurtful because it was hurtful. I’m avoidant myself but would never respond in such a cruel way. If I felt someone was so much more invested than me, I would end the relationship. He’s stringing you along and trying to avoid difficult or meaningful conversations. I would maybe try a serious conversation with him about how you both feel, and if you don’t get an answer you want, or if he avoids the question, you need to move on.

In answer to your last question, you just need to ask him where he sees this going as it’s been 8 months and you’re not sure where you stand.
If you initiate the conversation it makes it harder for him to wriggle out of it or pretend to go along with what you say.

I recently finished with someone because they ignored me when I said it.
Not even a reassuring hug or kind rebuff.
I said it twice a few months apart.
He finally said it to win me back.
Too little too late I'm not someone you settle for. Love me completely or not at all.

Did you respond to the running man text or did you change the subject/stop replying?

Don't torture yourself.
Just ask him. You can couch it with I don't want to pressure you etc but I want to know how you feel...
Don't wait around wondering if he cares or not.
You'll get your answer and then you can decide if it's worth sticking around or not

I wouldn't be too full on immediately , don't be trying to hard to please , more so sit back a little and see how it goes. After a few weeks , re evaluate, then have the big conversation if you still feel the need to clear the air. I personally would be prepared to walk away at that stage if we wasn't on same page ,

I think after 8 months he would know how he feels and be prepared to say it back if he does love you. I think they way he is responding is pathetic and unfortunately makes his feelings clear.
Respect yourself and don’t put up with this any longer.

@Blueberry77 Ask him where he sees the relationship going. Say that his reaction was hurtful and it gives the impression he's not really feeling it, and if that's the case you'd like him to be honest with you now.

Be prepared though to hear "I really like you", "I can imagine a future with you", "I'm not good at the romantic stuff", etc. He's either giving you enough crumbs to keep you around, or if that's genuinely the way he is then he's emotionally unavailable.

Eight months is long enough to know if you feel it.

I spent years with a man like this. You feel unfulfilled and starved of any kind of love, and it really affects your mental health. He did enough in the beginning to reel me in but it only gets worse over time.

I'd just ask him what he meant by his response to the text. On the face of it it seems pretty clear unfortunately that he does not feel the same way you do, and that he doesn't want to hear it from you.

I wouldn't go straight in and ask are we in a serious committed relationship, I would tone it down and wait for a time to discuss it, when he asks to come and see you could say, I thought you were outta of here, I enjoy seeing you every two weeks and our chats but where do you see the relationship heading, I have feelings for you but I'm feeling uncertain about the future..