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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Having a talk today with him

77 replies

MamaOl93 · 21/08/2021 14:06

So my friend who’s more than a friend to me, and we act like more than friends, he knows I have feelings for him too.

So yesterday he was completely off with me, couldn’t be in the same room as me, kept walking out if I was in the same room, tried talking to him, he was angry and annoyed with me he said but wouldn’t tell me why.

Going to meet him in an hour to discuss what was wrong and I’m really nervous and don’t know what to do or say?

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 21/08/2021 14:10

Just ask him whats wrong ?? I don't really get the post sorry.

Popetthetreehugger · 21/08/2021 14:11

He sounds a bit dramatic! Think carefully if you really want a relationship with someone who is happy to leave you overnight worrying. This may be the moment to put your cards on the table . Either way use this talk to draw a line .. either together if that’s what you truly want or go separate ways and find someone who wants the same thing you do . 💐

Imissmybum · 21/08/2021 14:11

How has this 'meeting' with him come about?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/08/2021 14:16

Someone's probably been shit stirring.

Just ask him what's up and listen. Don't fall into a position where you're justifying something you've said/done - either accept it was wrong and apologise, or tell him that you're entitled to your opinions and activities just like anyone else.

WARNING - if it transpires that he's pissed off because you recently had sex with someone, laugh in his face and tell him to go fuck himself. Men like this are not your friend. They are too cowardly to actually ask you out, then when they see someone else who is a functioning adult get with you, they take their cowardice and resentment out on you. Fuck those guys.

Thelnebriati · 21/08/2021 14:18

Why are you chasing after him? He's the one with a problem; if he were an adult he'd discuss it with you.

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 14:18

Where were you yesterday that he was storming in and out of rooms all day?

Sounds like a big sulker OP. I'd avoid this one like the plague.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 21/08/2021 14:24

@pleasekeeptotheright At work, he’s also my colleague

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 21/08/2021 14:25

I wouldn't bother. I'd block anyone this childish and dramatic.

he was angry and annoyed with me he said but wouldn’t tell me why.

Red flag! Massive twat alert. He's not your friend.

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 14:26

Oh god he's a colleague? No no no. Avoid.

MadMadMadamMim · 21/08/2021 14:26

You were at work?

He's an utter dick then. Good job I'm not his boss - or he'd be explaining the diva tantrums on work time to me...

DowntonCrabby · 21/08/2021 14:27

@MadMadMadamMim

I wouldn't bother. I'd block anyone this childish and dramatic.

he was angry and annoyed with me he said but wouldn’t tell me why.

Red flag! Massive twat alert. He's not your friend.

THIS!!!!

Deedee121 · 21/08/2021 14:58

Just see what he has to say

PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2021 15:02

I couldn't be arsed with the games tbh.
Why couldn't he just tell you what was wrong yesterday?

spotcheck · 21/08/2021 15:07

Placemarking to see what pathetic excuse he comes up with.
A fiver says he will try and make it the OP's fault.
Any takers?

QuentinBunbury · 21/08/2021 15:09

🦙

girlmom21 · 21/08/2021 15:27

Ah a sulky man-child.
The world doesn't have enough of them Hmm

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/08/2021 15:30

my friend who’s more than a friend to me, and we act like more than friends

What does this even mean? Are you sleeping together?

Just ask him why he's being so off. Depending on his answer, you'll then be able to decide if you want to continue with this or not.

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 16:28

"my friend who’s more than a friend to me, and we act like more than friends

What does this even mean? Are you sleeping together?"

It means he flirts with her and gives her attention knowing that she might come in handy when he fancies a shag. It's a game and he sulks when she gives the slightest bit of attention to anyone else despite having zero intention of committing to a relationship with her.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 21/08/2021 16:31

Oh god. What a pile of twattery.

He's an unprofessional, string-yanking drama queen. Let him go and steep in his childishness. And don't get into fuzzy-boundaried "more than friends but not together" whatever stupidness with people that you work with, especially if it results in people throwing tantrums on work time.

Let him go, focus on work, and tighten up your boundaries for next time.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 21/08/2021 17:12

He told me I was gonna lose him, we ended up talking it out, things had been misinterpreted by him, sorted those out too, he said I was stressing him out by him eating less, by him sleeping less, so to cut back on communication otherwise I’ll lose him. I agreed, he said he’ll contact me by Monday

OP posts:
PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2021 17:14

So what did you do?

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 21/08/2021 17:18

@PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou as in what I did wrong?
He said I contact him too much, phone him when I’ve had a drink and complain about him and that I’ve asked him to change his ways. I literally haven’t, I even said to him I don’t want him to change.
It was going back and forth and I said I don’t want to lose you from my life, I can’t lose you from my life

He said that sounds like more than friends
I had to tell him it wasn’t (even though it broke me) I knew that if I told him how I felt about him, he would say it’s unhealthy and leave. He said our friendship how it is at the moment is unhealthy. But we talked everything out and I believe we are okay. But honestly I don’t know 100%

OP posts:
PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2021 17:23

Honestly you need to move on.
He's basically told you it's nothing more than friendship, he's found it over baring the constant contact.
you know what you did wrong now so I would move on to save your friendship altogether.

AlmostSummer21 · 21/08/2021 17:24

You didn't talk everything out, you told him what you thought he would accept.

It sounds like he barely wants to be friends, let alone more.

I think you need to cut WAY down on contact & accept this is not a relationship

Sorry

OurChristmasMiracle · 21/08/2021 17:28

He’s being very clear that he doesn’t want anything more than friends. If he knew how you feel about him he would leave because that would be the right thing to do as he has no interest in being more than friends. He probably feels the contact is too much as it probably makes him think you want to be more than friends.

You need to move on and leave him be.