Having a talk today with him

[MamaOl93]

So my friend who’s more than a friend to me, and we act like more than friends, he knows I have feelings for him too.

So yesterday he was completely off with me, couldn’t be in the same room as me, kept walking out if I was in the same room, tried talking to him, he was angry and annoyed with me he said but wouldn’t tell me why.

Going to meet him in an hour to discuss what was wrong and I’m really nervous and don’t know what to do or say?

You could end up feeling VERY lonely if it progressed to a full relationship OP....it's so hard to do, but try to see this as a bullet dodged xxx

He sounds like he has very clear and defined roles for the woman in his life. Perhaps a bit of Madonna-Whore Syndrome.

He sounds like hard work though!

"He's complicated" is just a way of dressing up "he's horrible to me, but I need to believe it's for a reason".

It doesn't matter what the reason is. When someone is horrible to you, that's it. Full stop, end of sentence. It doesn't matter why. One thing you learn in adulthood is to leave people who are horrible to you alone.

*"He's complicated" is just a way of dressing up "he's horrible to me, but I need to believe it's for a reason".

It doesn't matter what the reason is. When someone is horrible to you, that's it. Full stop, end of sentence. It doesn't matter why. One thing you learn in adulthood is to leave people who are horrible to you alone.*

Exactly.

He's self centred and best left alone. This throwing you a few crumbs i.e. you and my Mum are the only people I text every week. Is just bait to keep you dangling because he enjoys it.

He will make you feel bad for taking a step back. It's part of the manipulation. Let's face it, he seems to like to put you in your place and give you something to feel bad about.

he was angry and annoyed with me he said but wouldn’t tell me why.

Is he 12?
Does he have form for manipulation & drama?

Tell him to grow the fuck up, discuss his problems like an adult, or piss off.

@MamaOl93

He told me I was gonna lose him, we ended up talking it out, things had been misinterpreted by him, sorted those out too, he said I was stressing him out by him eating less, by him sleeping less, so to cut back on communication otherwise I’ll lose him. I agreed, he said he’ll contact me by Monday

I don't watch Love Island, but in my fevered imagination, this is exactly what it's like.

Boring, immature, & attention-seeking headfuckery.

OP, I am amazed you are giving him any airtime, let alone falling in line with his idiocy. He has just sold you the notion that you are responsible for how he eats & sleeps, & that this gives him a licence to dictate the terms of when he deigns to contact you.

How on earth did you get to a place where you "agreed" that any of this is your problem?
Do you enjoy being controlled & played like this?

@MamaOl93 I knew a bloke like that where I was always expecting him to reject me and hurt me at some point. You will be doing the right thing in making that decision first, saving yourself pain.

If possible, block him on everything so it doesn't end up going back to how it was, and it's easier to get over him.

If you messaging and calling is genuinely making him not eat and sleep, then most likely he has issues BTW.

Op read @ChargingBuck post then read it again. Copy it down and carry it in your handbag, read it whenever you get the urge to talk to him. From the information you've given this guy is a total narcissist and is playing you like a violin.

It’s very telling when not one person is on his side lol. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@ChargingBuck That’s a very powerful message - thank you - and @BishBashBoshBush I’ll be saving the page in my safari to look back on, no worries there!

I feel like a fool. My friend told me that none of my feelings were discussed and it was all his, and looking back on it, she’s right!

@me4real he’s said to me that he’s very self reliant and isn’t used to having others rely on him, ie me.

He said our friendship how it is at the moment is unhealthy.

He's absolutely correct.

But we talked everything out and I believe we are okay.

You didn't talk everything out honestly though. You told him what you thought he wanted to hear 'even though it killed you' so it's not ok, it was a conversation based on dishonesty and misrepresentation of your feelings. That's not to say he's behaved well in all this, but it's important you see your own unhealthy behaviour too.

This is so toxic. He's told you he doesn't want more. You want more but say you don't, so you lie to him. He's tried to dictate terms and conditions that are confusing and upsetting for you, as if he's in charge and you aren't equals. You have been subservient in response (initially) begging him not to stop being friends etc.

Healthy friendships aren't based on lies and imbalance of wants / needs. Or this much drama!

It sounds like it'll do you the world of good to close the door on this bloke for good.

It’s fine because you subjugate your feelings and needs and prioritize his like a good little woman.

It all sounds a bit intense. Is give him some space, hang out with other friends and colleagues then maybe in a few days drop him a low key text.

@MyOtherProfile I haven’t messaged or spoken to him since I met him on Saturday, he said he would be texting me today so I’ve left him alone. I keep thinking he’s gonna text me saying he’s thought it through and actually this isn’t what he wants after all and end our friendship via text, but I’ll have to see.

Even if he doesn’t say that, I’m taking a step back from him and won’t be communicating as much or inviting him out as much

[quote MamaOl93]@MyOtherProfile I haven’t messaged or spoken to him since I met him on Saturday, he said he would be texting me today so I’ve left him alone. I keep thinking he’s gonna text me saying he’s thought it through and actually this isn’t what he wants after all and end our friendship via text, but I’ll have to see.

Even if he doesn’t say that, I’m taking a step back from him and won’t be communicating as much or inviting him out as much[/quote]
Better still re-read @ChargingBuck's message again and take a big step back from communicating. Like one word replies a couple of days after the text. If he gives you any nonsense use his own words "I contact you too much you can't eat or sleep apparently so I thought I would let you have a couple of days shut eye before responding"

God I would be such a fuck off you utter cock bitch if a so called friend, particularly a male one, tried any of this bossy, blame game fuckity on me.

It sounds like he enjoys the power he has over you. Ever wonder why he hasn't had much experience with relationships?

I would tell him, and oh boy would I enjoy it, that he's right this friendship, if you want to call it that, was taking up too much time and headspace of MY time. Balls to being blamed for a grown man's sleep and food intake, that is your problem not my fault. You are too much hard work for ME. I wish you well but no more now. If for no other reason I can't be bothered listening to you blaming me for big long irrelevant lists that only seem to resolve when I apologize for things that are absolutely NOT MY fault.

So you are right about one thing this friendship is going nowhere I won't be contacting you apart from work related items again. I can only assume after your long list berating me the other day you feel the same so expect our contact to be work only from now on, if for no other reason that is better for ME.

He is asking you to back off. Just do that. You apparently wants more from the relationship that he does. He also seems to be suffering from some type of mental health issue that causes an extreme response when he feels someone is getting close to him emotionally.

@Why2why I have, not spoken to him since we met. Haven’t heard from him yet either today. And yep, he calls it “extreme introverted-ness” or “wired differently”

What exactly do you see in this man? What is the point?

@frozendaisy

Fantastic. I couldn't have put it better myself.

He is A boring and immature drama llama— has watched far too much self centred 20 something reality TV— move on OP, who needs friends or relationships like this.

Actually, Op, I'm sorry to contradict you, but I'm on his side and others have tried, very gently, to say that it's obvious that you want more than he does. You're texting him every day, keep asking him out and making drunk phone calls complaining that he's not responding in the way you want.

You have a massive crush on him and are making a nuisance of yourself. Even worse that it's at work. Of course, he's avoiding you. The last thing he wants is to have a dramatic conversation about feelings when he's trying to do his job.

Back off. Forget about being friends. You're not. He's been trying to let you down gently without causing a massive scene. Be civil. Behave as if he's just a colleague, and if you can't, change jobs.

@Thymeout but if he messages me today like he said?

See what he says.

Tell him that you think it would be better if you were 'just colleagues'. No hard feelings but It's not working for you.

He may be very introverted. I know quite a few people that are so introverted they will disappear for weeks/months/years then pop back up again like they were never gone. The question is can you handle this forever?