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Original poster

"What decent girl would let a man stay in her house for £x"

91 replies

SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:08

This has been in my head from pre covid when I was using spare room.co.uk and had gotten added to the digs list for our towns theatre; to try to rent out spare room.

Bf (10 years older, I'm mid 30s) said that above when I told him a female enquirer turned out to be wanting to book the room.for a week for her bf, (who was performing in a show in theatre).

We don't live together, I'm on a relatively low salary and was trying to supplement it.

(Incidentally he got the £x wrong because ot was a different rate for a week than as an ongoing lodger, but that's by the by).

Hes a reliable, committed, in some ways kind partner, but this is not the first time he's said something I'd consider tactless and Imo narrow minded.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 18/08/2021 07:09

What’s indecent about having a lodger for a week? He has some strange ideas

Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:11

Background was I was looking for ideally female lodger, but was open to short let's of the room and thought that would be a good intro to see how it worked.

When the girl.enquiring said it was actually for her bf, I was reluctant but was considering it. I'd rather have had a female but didn't rule out having males staying per se.

OP posts:
banisher · 18/08/2021 07:12

Ugh, what a creepy weird thing to say.

What does "in some ways kind" mean?

YouJustDoYou · 18/08/2021 07:13

Another misogynistic moron.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 18/08/2021 07:13

Do you know what? It's the use of 'girl' I find most off. He's belittling you. I know of single women who are Air BNB hosts. Having been friends and used such places. None of them are vagabonds. He is being an arse.

Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:15

@Shoxfordian

What’s indecent about having a lodger for a week? He has some strange ideas
It's a two bed terrace with one bathroom... I think he thinks its too.close quarters, lack of privacy, in each others space etc. and didn't understand how anyone bit especially a female could be comfortable with that in ger home.

I suppose he also thought its a risk/danger as the female.

(Incidental, in the case of the theatre people the whole "in each others faces" things would be minimal because I'd be up and out before they were, and they'd not be back til 10 or 11).

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 18/08/2021 07:16

He's foul.

You learned exactly how he sees you.

Are you still with him?

Oh, and his comment was not 'tactless'. It was disgusting.

maslinpan · 18/08/2021 07:17

And what on earth does he mean by 'decent". His commitment is so full of judgement.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 18/08/2021 07:18

Come off it. If he was worried about risk he would not have said decent. To rent a room to a man is you being indecent.

Shoxfordian · 18/08/2021 07:19

Ah I see
He’s sexist

Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:21

@myrtlehuckingfuge

Do you know what? It's the use of 'girl' I find most off. He's belittling you. I know of single women who are Air BNB hosts. Having been friends and used such places. None of them are vagabonds. He is being an arse.
I've shared houses while studying with guys as well as girls, I've shared dorm rooms and smaller rooms with guys & girls on a sports- hobby I've done, I've rented air bnb rooms off guys (it wouldn't put me off a rental if there was a single guy there, I wouldn't assume he was a rapist etc). .... I know this was one on one (though I wouldn't be because they're out all day, and if I'd gotten very uncomfortable I could have gone out to my family home) but I didn't really see the big no-no.
OP posts:
SmileyClare · 18/08/2021 07:21

Yeah he's one of those insecure jealous men who has a low opinion of all women. He's assuming you'll shag your lodger and you'll look like a slag.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 18/08/2021 07:22

So he's a controlling misogynist. And you're with him why?

TedMullins · 18/08/2021 07:22

He’s a misogynist pig and that’s all there is to it

pinkflask · 18/08/2021 07:23

I think it’s a really smart idea - the dogs lost thing wouldn’t occur to me but it seems sensible as you might get repeat customers (especially at panto time) and they’re accountable in a way in that you know they’re who they say they are and where they’re working.

Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:23

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Come off it. If he was worried about risk he would not have said decent. To rent a room to a man is you being indecent.
Good point.
OP posts:
pinkflask · 18/08/2021 07:23

Dogs lost = digs list!

AdelindSchade · 18/08/2021 07:23

It's not really any of his business, however it's one thing for him to be concerned it might not be comfortable for you but another to make this demeaning and misogynist remark.

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/08/2021 07:26

A friend of mine only rents rooms to theatre people male and female. They are, as the OP says, very little bother.

Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:26

@SmileyClare

Yeah he's one of those insecure jealous men who has a low opinion of all women. He's assuming you'll shag your lodger and you'll look like a slag.
I have an uncle who's a handyman-builder who's been doing bits and pieces on the house for me, so we've been having lots of convos about this and that; I mentioned this to him and he said similar; "So he thinks you're going to shag this complete stranger who's gf set up the rental for him while he's in your house, is that it?"
OP posts:
Cyw2018 · 18/08/2021 07:27

It's the words "decent women" that are so misogynistic, if he was concerned about your safety with an unfamiliar male in the house he would be asking you if you have a lock on your bedroom door, not implying you are some sort of floozy!

Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:27

@pinkflask

I think it’s a really smart idea - the dogs lost thing wouldn’t occur to me but it seems sensible as you might get repeat customers (especially at panto time) and they’re accountable in a way in that you know they’re who they say they are and where they’re working.
Grin I thought you'd posted on the wrong thread the way people do and was lmao.
OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingBunnies21 · 18/08/2021 07:33

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

He's foul.

You learned exactly how he sees you.

Are you still with him?

Oh, and his comment was not 'tactless'. It was disgusting.

Yes, it's been preying in my mind.

I keep picturing him when I was discussing the lodger idea in his presence and I said I'd really be looking for a female lodger and I could see him out of the corner of my eye nodding his head in "approval". Then later that scenario and his comment happened.

He's said a couple of things that have made me a bit mind boggled & frustrated. Hes described himself as "old school" more than once.

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 18/08/2021 07:36

Yeah. He's a twat.

Onelifeonly · 18/08/2021 07:40

"In some ways kind"? Not in this case. Is 'some ways' enough for you?